Eggstravaganza!

Day 2 of our little mini-vacation here. We got up this morning and spent some more time at the Marriott's pool.

Then, on the sage advice of Stanton (who I don't actually know, except through the WV Blogger's Forum), we decided to check out the Avampato Discovery Museum at the Clay Center. I almost didn't go because today was "Eggstravaganza" so there were tons of extra Easter activities....which made me think every kid in Charleston would be there.

Really though, it wasn't that crowded and it was a great place! The kids both got to do a little egg hunt then we checked out all the other cool stuff they have (year round) for kids. Both of mine had a blast. I will say, that while it wasn't completely over-run with unruly kids....there were enough brats there to make me roll my eyes half way into my brain.

I'll just tell you straight out....I like kids. Just not your kids. Well, maybe not YOUR kids exactly, but most of the other kids running around. When an area says ages 5 and under, your 7 year old better not be in the ball pit whacking my toddler with balls. Just because your kid is 2 and cute, does not give them the right to smack my 9 year old in the face through the funny pin things...then laugh and run while you pay no attention. Also, please stop letting your child run screaming through the halls outside my room until they run smack into my window and scream even louder while you catch up. Because my kids are trying to quietly rest in here and I will be very unhappy if you wake them up.

Which brings me to our new digs.....Embassy Suites. It's an okay place, but it's not the Marriott.

There are some very nice things about it....one, well, it's a suite. That means Celia can nap away in the bedroom while Jordan and I lounge, read, and watch tv in the other room. It's got a mini fridge and a microwave, which may come in handy later. It's also a very beautiful place. It just looks very nice and classy.

Now.....the bathroom amenities leave something to be desired. You've just got the basics here...and they are Neutrogena. Not bad, but not the Orange Ginger from Bath and Body Works that we had over at the Marriott. That was some good stuff!

Also, (and this makes me gag to even type it) I found old coffee grounds in the coffee pot when I went to make tea just now. Ew, ew, gross. What kind of housekeeping is that? The tea they offer is also bargain basement stuff (Marriott had some English Breakfast and Chamomile), just like the coffee. There is not any cream here either, just that nasty powder stuff.

All of the outlets are upside down...so my MacBook couldn't be plugged in. There is no wireless, and I spent about 45 minutes trying to post my blog I typed up last night on the MacBook from hubby's PC. He didn't want the WVBA to have to pay for another connection. But his PC can't read Word documents from my Mac (my Mac can read anything from the PC though). That's all the time that took me to be thoroughly frustrated with a PC again. I mean really, why would you put all the ports on the back? Who wants to reach behind and fish around to plug and unplug things?

Lastly, the soundproofing leaves a little to be desired. I mentioned earlier he crazy screaming toddler in the hall. I also get to hear the evenings entertainment in the lobby (the center of the hotel is an open-air atrium, straight up the 14 or so floors). There's a grand piano down there, and someone is quiet dramatically making their way through every cliche song you can imagine (New York NY, Entertainer, Phantom). I'm just waiting on the Billy Joel. The player also has a large group of admirers who hoot, clap, and occasionally sing along.

Oh geez...he's repeating New York. Does this mean I'll have to listen to the same five songs all night? Please, someone teach the man some Prokofiev. Something.....

But, what ever the Embassy is lacking, the West Virginia Broadcasters Association is making up for. They plied us with cookies and soft pretzels, sodas and drinks. Since I'm not going to the awards tonight, they are sending my up a very nice fillet and meal. (The kids will be enjoying pizza) And hubby brought up a very fancy surge protector, which will plug into these messed up outlets and in turn power my MacBook. We are set for the evening! Plus, there's a new hotel pool to check out.

I Love the Marriot

I really do.

Every time we come here I find something new to enjoy. This visit, I discover they’ve expanded the complimentary items in the bathroom. Now, instead of your shampoo, conditioner, soap, and lotion……we also have mouthwash, Q-Tips, a shower cap, and the cutest little sewing kit.

I think I’m most excited about that shower cap. That baby is definitely coming home with us! It could really come in handy in case my kids every catch lice and I have to smear their little heads with goop for hours at a time. Now, my kids have never gotten lice…..but it’s possibly and something I worry about on at least a weekly basis. My head is itching just thinking about it! So that shower cap may come in handy!

They did not choose to include the one item my husband forgot to bring…deoderant. I caught him snickering as he stole mine. Stood right in front of me and fluffed his armpot hair before applying me pristine deodorant to it. Blech. Marriot…..could you put a little deodorant in the bathroom for my surprise next time? I’d really love you for it!

The also did not include a tranquilizer dart for my toddler. That would have come in really handy too. Putting a two year old to sleep in a new room in the same bed as her brother is not the easiest task. Finally, after several threats about the pool from mommy, she settled down and went to sleep. Unfortunately for Jordan, this girl hates blankets. I mean, we train babies that blankets are evil. “Lay on your back and not blankets for a year, they could kill you!” Then one day we change our story, “Here, cover up with this so your don’t freeze to death!” Too late. Her little baby legs are already trained. They piston up and down in a wild defensive mechanism to keep that dangerous blanket away from her neck. She won’t have anything to do with the things! Which is a real bummer for anyone else who IS trying to sleep under the blanket beside her.

Another discovery, not so pleasant this time. The pool is 94 degrees. Barely 7 degrees cooler than the hot tub. Also known as the perfect tempature to breed bacteria. My kids love to swim in the hotel pool, but it makes me feel like I’m marinating in human stew. Thank goodness it’s way chlorinated, or else we’d all go home with pink eye and who know what other nasty infections.

Anyway, we are having a great trip this far. We swam in the pool for a few hours then went to Red Lobster for dinner. Jordan was very happy as they had both clams and smoothie. Celia just loves to eat out….and this place has a big tank of those lobsters to watch, so she was in toddler heaven! Then dad’s food came an he was eating a lobster tail, which really perplexed her. She really wanted to know where the rest of the lobster was and kept saying “Show me the claw dad!”

She also really wanted to play with the lobster tail, but since she tested positive as being allergic to shrimp, we’re avoiding all contact with shellfish, just to be safe. Nasty parents that we are……we’ll still eat the stuff though.

Her allergies are the reason I’m up at 3 in the morning. She has this thing called Reactive Airway Disease…which doesn’t mean she has asthma…..it just means when her allergies are bothering her, she has asthma symptoms. She started a few days ago and we started her back on her meds (Singulair and Zyrtec), but it takes a few days for them to start working effectively. Hopefully this will be the last night of coughing all night long (which is a major sign of childhood asthma. We didn’t know this and were perplexed for the longest time about it.) I don’t know how she (and the rest of my family) sleep through it, but they do. I cringe every time she has a coughing fit….and sometimes I’ll lay with her and thump her on the back for long periods of time…..just so I can feel like I’m doing something.

Well it's about Time!

Sorry about having no fresh blogs! My sleeplessness reached a level where I couldn't remember anything slightly entertaining that has happened for the past few days....and even if I could remember it I couldn't coherently string it together in a sentence.

So last night I took matters into my own hands.....I spiked my own drink.

We have nothing against alcohol, we (well, the grownups in my home) drink it when we're out. We just don't drink it much at home. The only thing I had available was some Malibu Rum. And the only things we had to mix it with were ice tea, cranberry juice, Kool-Aid, and hot tea. I ruled out the ice tea as gross (Malibu has coconut flavoring, in case you didn't know) and the cranberry juice for the same reason. I can't even drink straight cranberry juice and water that stuff down like you wouldn't believe. The Kool-Aid might have been alright, but I deemed that as pathetic (do adults mix liquor and Kool-Aid?) so all that was left was my usual cup of Chamomile tea. I dumped in a modest amount of Malibu with my cream.

It was pretty nasty. Really nasty to tell you the truth. But I was asleep by midnight and didn't wake until this morning!

I took all my new found and well rested energy outside. Celia and I got most of a 4x20 space in the back yard cleared and ready to plant!

We also met a new neighbor. Not all that new, to my surprise. I had no clue anyone lived in the house across the alley. Lo and behold, there is a little boy Jordan's age. He seems like a really nice little dude, I'm just not sure about the whole thing because honestly....we've never had neighbors with kids before. Most on our block are elderly. Our best friends live a couple blocks away....but it's much easier to find out if you like people and want to be friends with them if you have a little space.

Anyway, little dude spotted us from his window and came over to play. Like I said, he's very nice. Polite, well spoken...no bratty attitude. But he does want to come over. And he does want to play. Can he play on the porch? What about in the house? Can he stay for dinner? I finally tell little dude "maybe after I've met your mom".

Fast forward 10 minutes and I meet mom...complete with purse and car keys. She has to run an errand, can little dude stay and play?

Anyway, I'm sure that once the newness wears off he won't be in our yard every second that we are outside all summer...right?

Geez I'm anti-social! It looks so bad when I type it out. I'd so like to be friendly with our neighbors.....but say "hi" in passing stop by once a week friendly...not in your yard 24/7 friendly. But I don't even know these people (who really seem quite nice!) so why am I even assuming or worried that they will do that anyway?!?!?

It was nice actually. My friend stopped over with her boy and toddler (and mom) to watch the game. The boys went out and played soccer in the yard with new little dude and we sat and talked, watched the girls play. We'd peek out the window at them to make sure everything was fine, and it always was. We got to watch the game (okay, they watched the game....I probably annoyed them with my "Ahhh, I'm in the presence of other women" chatting. Such is the price you pay for trying to watch basketball at my house!).

Okay...I'm just going to say it. It's bad. But it's what I'm thinking...

What kind of mom leaves her 8 year old with a perfect stranger?!?! It's one thing to let him play in a neighbor's yard (that you've never met) and another to LEAVE him with her! I could be a psychopath (please don't point out that I sound like one now) for goodness sake! Are they comfortable leaving their offspring with psychopaths because they are also psychopaths?!?!

I'm also going to point out that the 6-foot privacy fence we put up does crap with they can see in out yard from their second story windows. There's no hiding in your backyard if your neighbors REALLY want to come over and play.

Really though....a kid that sweet and well behaved can't come from psychopaths...can he?

In other news....I have an appointment with a therapist next week. One baby step for me in my "put on the normal face for company" facade.....hopefully one giant leap in the over sanity of my household.

Days Like These....

....you either laugh, or you cry. Sometimes you do both, all at once.

We started out the day alright. Celia decided again that she was having nothing to do with a diaper. Fine by me, let's potty train!

We've done this several times before. We've been close, but never quite there. Once, we went four days without diapers...then she got a stomach bug and diapers were needed. Sometime after that, she became scared to poo in the potty. She can stay dry all day.......but refused to poo in the potty.

I figured today would be a great day to tackle that fear. And we kind of did. After many, many false starts and trips to the bathroom. After an entire Blues Clues Musical Movie played on the MacBook in the bathroom while sitting on the potty. After the promise of "Mommy's Outrageous Poopy Dance". After the promise of a blue sucker that she would be allowed outside. After mommy started to fall asleep on the bathroom rug, my girl managed to put a little poo in the potty.

Dances were done, panties were put on, friends were called, we broke out the blue sucker, the bubble machine, and we extended nap time to play outside.

By this time.....I'm a walking zombie. While unable to sleep most of the night, I still can't seem to nap in the afternoons, but I can crash on the couch in a zombie like state during nap time. So I'm just about drooling for nap time here. I made it through the play outside celebration and tried to put my very excited little girl down for a nap. It was tough, but I finally had her little eyes closing...so I popped her in her bed and stumbled downstairs.

Then one of those stupid cats snuck in her room and tried to nap with her. Which never works. She gets so excited that they are laying within arms reach that it totally ruins her nap (which in turn, ruins nap for both me and the cat). I really tried to put her back to sleep, but it wasn't going to happen. So I left her in her room and told her to stay on her bed while I waited for Jordan to come home.

He got home, we talked about his day...and all was quiet upstairs. Then my friend called and we started talking....well, mostly I started venting. I'm exhausted....and I'm probably going to be exhausted for the rest of my life. The things that are taking a toll on me and wearing me down.....they are just never going to change. It's a pretty daunting and upsetting thought.

Anyway, so now I'm upset....talking to her, and I hear Celia start babbling up there....so I send Jordan up to open her gate and let her come down. There's nothing she loves more than seeing Bubby come around the corner! He goes up and the I hear him say "Uh-Oh". He comes down to inform me that she had removed her diaper (I put one on for nap, no way are we ready for that yet!) and flung poo again.

I sent him to watch Animal Planet (his current favorite), and went up to deal with the poo flinger. Honestly. I have never seen a pile of poo that large outside of a hayfield. Where does she get it?

And more importantly....why won't she put it in the potty?

Anyway....a cowpie of that size in your family room is enough to make you laugh, even if you were still crying.

Luckily, I've managed to channel all my inner rage and sadness and got a ton of crap done around the house today....a monumental EIGHT loads of laundry, clean folded and PUT AWAY! I also started cleaning the side porch so it's usable now that it's warm, ran the vacuum, cleaned the kitchen, and put a second coat of drywall mud up in the bathroom. A great example of how fried my brain is at this point it time......I found it impossible to remember where I had worked and where I still needed to work in this tiny 5x8 room. I spent a lot of time examining the area to try and see what was new mud I'd just put up and what was there when I started. It really shouldn't be that hard.

Things that make you go EWWWW!

Number One on the List of EWWW:

The smell of my house late last week. Stank. I mean nasty. The bad part was that I couldn't really figure the smell out. First, I just though it was that stale smell that I feel like the house gets after days of rain. Nope. Then I thought it was the Cantelope I had ripening on the counter telling me in a not so subtle way that it was time to be cut up. Nope.

Could not find the smell anywhere. Chris came home and I'm wandering the house, sniffing. Trying to find the odor. I did mention that it smelled kind of like a sippy cup that someone had forgotten....but that couldn't be it because I'd looked in all the usual "hidden sippy" places. Under the bed, in the bag, behind a chair, even the toys box.

Well, the weekend came around with glorious weather. Windows wide open, ceiling fans on bringing the fresh spring air in....it was great. Smell was gone.

Fast forward to this evening. I'm doing my wander around the house putting select random things away (not cleaning....it's 11:00, I'm just wandering really). I scoop up some stray wooden food and turn to deposit it in the "wooden food basket" of my daughter's kitchen (her cabinets are so organized. Why is it I can keep her cabinets looking nice, but not my own?) I spy the spout of a cup poking up through the fake fruits and veggies. Gross-ola! I knew I smelled something stank. Luckily it's trash night, so that puppy when straight to the curb.

Number Two on the List of EWWWW:

My sweet daughter has some unusual tastes. last week I made some bacon crumbles for salads and such over the weekend. She had been sneaking a few of those after they cooled, but that's alright. I can understand a love of bacon. Plus, she didn't get that much before I put them in the fridge.

She did manage to sneak in and hook the mug of harded bacon grease (otherwise know as LARD) off the counter and dig in. I walked into the kitchen (looking for her because it was quiet and quiet is bad!) to find her licking a lard covered finger clean. I screamed, gasped, gagged, danced around making noises of disgust. She just wanted to know "Mommy, why you take my cheese away?"

Number Three on the List of EWWW:

Same sweet princess dumping half a shaker of salt on the counter, then methodically licking a finger, placing in the salt, and licking clean. The worst part is, even she thought it was nasty, but she just kept right on doing it!

Number Four on the List of EWWW:

On the way home from soccer I was blissfully singing along to my cd. I glanced in the rearview mirror to discover that both boys had two fingers in their mouths. Straight from the soccer field mud and muck covered fingers. Yeah, they are both 9, but I guess if you put your index fingers between you molars and bite kind of hard for awhile, then take your fingers out, hook them together and pull, it feels strange....or painful....or something. I also forgot to mention this to the other boy's parents. So guys, if you read this before I remember to tell you....whoops, sorry about that. If the boys get worms later in the week I'll treat you to a worming treament! Yummy.

Real Moms are Handy.

I'm not by nature a handy person. But if you're a home owner....then you either have to become handy or pay someone to be. So I'm becoming handy.

See...here's one of my hands a few weeks ago. Isn't it nice?


Now I'm putting the hands to work. Today we decided to get some work done. We were out of drywall mud so we started outside. I had Chris help me bolt a piece of wood to our brick house (luckily, we already had some holes there, so we just used those!)

Here's hubby doing his part:


And here's my gate:



Next, I planted some summer bulbs and seeds...which may or may not grow. I have bad luck growing things...but I desperately want to. I'm sticking with easy stuff. Bulbs will come back year after year, so I really only have to deal with them once...and I'm told that with these seeds (Nasturtium) all you have to do is throw them on the ground and they will grow. I'll let you know how that turns out!

Then....I made a new, dangerous friend.



Isn't it great? It's a Razorback.....and claims to be a "tool with an attitude". Even my tools have attitude! (Okay, it's not really mine. It belongs to my father in law. He was nice enough...or crazy enough....to let me borrow it for an afternoon).

We decided chop out the remnants of a boxwood that was left from last summer. I have a serious dislike for boxwoods and I had planned to clip most of them away last year, then dig up the rest and get rid of them. The digging did NOT work. So all summer and winter I was left with some nasty looking stray branches with a big hole in the middle.

This afternoon I took a big ax, stood in front of my house (wearing yoga pants and a mickey mouse tee no less) and chopped out the remnants of a bush. Bush be gone baby!



Next week, this bad boy is coming down!


But...look what happens to your pretty hands when you become handy..filthy and bloody. Eww.


I have no other bloggers to tag with this "Real Moms" meme, instead I'm just going to mention two other real moms I know in real life.

My good friend Heather is a real mom in action every day! Whenever I have a question, I call her for an answer. She's way more handy than I'll ever be and looks great covered in soot and other stuff that used to be in the walls (because when yo tear them down, that stuff comes out. And she does it all with three kids in tow. And my own mom....who is the inventor of innovation and I love having her visit because then I don't have to ask a man for help!

Find out what other real moms are doing here.

My first meme

I've been tagged with a meme by Southern Mom of 2. Dorky me didn't even know what that was! According to Wikipedia, it's a "unit of cultural information". Then it goes into a bunch of scientific genetic stuff. Anyway, here are the rules:

Here are the rules: list seven songs you are into right now. No matter what they are. They must be songs you are presently enjoying. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

1 & 2. Both are songs from this cd I've been listening to a lot: "You and You Alone". It was an appreciation gift from Pastor to Chris, but I ended up with it in my car. At the time, I was picking most of our worship music. The first time I listened to the cd I thought "Hmm....someone sat down at a meeting and said they needed some edgy music for next service then someone went and wrote it". Then I put it away. A few weeks later I was without decent radio (K Love) and couldn't find my fallback cd, so I stuck it back in. It really started to grow on me. Now I've got two songs I can't stop singing: "You Have Called Me" and "We Will". Actually, I could probably use up all 7 songs on this cd, but I'm trying to be diverse.

3. Bumblebee song by Laurie Berkner. I know, kid tunes aren't supposed to count....but I sing this song all the time when my kids aren't around. I love this lady.

4. I Will Lift My Eyes by Bebo Norman This is just such an awesome song with such an awesome message. Plus, Bebo is an awesome guy. I saw him live last month and while I didn't get to stay long into his set, it was great.

5. How to Save a Life by The Fray I just like it...don't know why. Looks like most of America likes it too right now. I guess that makes it a good song

6. Stand in the Rain by Superchic(k). I typically don't like this group (too....pop for me I guess). But, dark as it may be...the song describes how I feel most of the time. Again, I could definitely benefit from some pharmaceuticals.

7. At the Ballet from A Chorus Line. Chris came home from his last road trip singing it (mmmhmm, that's my husband...pretty, happy and dancing, at the ballet) now it's been stuck in my head all week.

Now I'm supposed to tag seven people...but if you'll see my blogroll, it's pretty slim pickings. So if you're reading this, and you'd like to do a meme, leave me a comment and I'll link you up.

Yay! Shawna Lee at Shoofly Pie and Grits blogged about this meme!

What a B-E-A-Utiful day!

It was so nice this morning and Celia and I spend some time out in the yard. First, if you have not tried that bubble recipe from a few weeks ago. DO IT. It's seriously awesome. We had some good bubbly fun!



We also made the new dog next door seriously mad! That barking annoyance is going to put a real damper on my summer.

The we put down some new pea gravel around the playset. It was nice and muddy.


Get out and enjoy the day people!

The Power Team

Last night we got to go see The Power Team. They break things and evangelize all at the same time.

Now, anyone who knows me will tell you I'm not a "Cool, let's see big men break things" kind of girl. I'm much more of a "see a show or o to a concert" kind of girl. But, having a boy child exposes you to things you'd never choose to see for yourself......so we went to see The Power Team.

Since our friends were helping to set up and organize the event, they got there very early and saved us some seats. Front row, center. Close enough for the heat of the fire to singe your eyebrows front row.

Also, anyone who knows me will agree I'm a smirker. I smirk. It's what I do. I glide through life with a smirk and a sarcastic comment. That's just who I am.

So, the team manager comes out and starts hyping up the crowd....and I'm trying really hard not to smirk. Because it's rude. And while this whole "break fiery concrete blocks with my head and tell you about Christ" isn't my kind of thing.....it obviously works. I mean, I have never seen that many people at the church for any other function. So while those people may be there to see some big men break things....they are also going to be inspired by their stories and hear about the Gospel. That I can buy into.

So the manager starts introducing the team, and I'm really good until the second guy comes up. He's got a mohawk. Not the stand up spike kind....the strip of hair in the middle of your head with shaved sides kind of mohawk. The smirk breaks through.

And I'm trying SO hard not to smirk. Because really....I'm sitting about 10 feet from the enormous guys. If they see me smirking at them, they could easily hop off the stage and crush me between to of their weakest fingers. Then they threw some water on the crowd. Me, in the front row.....yeah I got a little wet. How can you not smirk at that? Really, if you're a smirker by nature, it's impossible.

Then they lit some things on fire and broke them....then they blew up some of those impossible to break hot water bottles until the exploded. At which point my toddler decided she had quite enough of those funny men and we escaped to the child care area to color. Whew. My safe zone.

My son got to stay and enjoy the whole show though....and I will say he was quite inspired. He had to buy the bandanna and have all of them sign it. We have to go back to see them break ice Saturday night (they are here all week folks!). He wants to go to the summer camp.

He asked me at breakfast if I was still using the phone book or if he could try to rip in in half with the power of his might.

Random Letters

Dear Celia,

Please poo in the potty. I know you like the potty. You pee in it all the time. It's not scary to poo there as well. I promise if you would just poo in the potty I would find you some awesome Diego panties. Also, if you could refrain from coloring on the walls, the tables, and the cats, that would be great too.


Dear Middle School Administrators,

If you have to have students working in the office, please teach them that "Uuuuuuuh Ummmmm" is not an appropriate response to any question. If this is too advanced for them, please send them back to English class. Also, if you could teach them how to work the phones before setting them loose on the public, hanging up or randomly transferring calls to the home ec room, that would be nice too.

Dear Chris,

Please stop sleeping in Celia's bed. You are enabling her bad sleeping habits. She will never sleep through the night alone if she knows you will come sleep with her. It makes it really hard for me when you are out of town. Plus, you are too big for her bed. You totally trash the covers. Instead of a 10 second flip the covers back up that I like to do, I have to take everything off and remake the whole darn thing. I know it only takes about 90 more seconds....but it's really putting a cramp in my morning.

Dear bacon and chocolate,

Please either stop tasting so good or being so bad for me. You are making me fat. Thanks.

Hubby needs a blog and Celia-isms.

Looks like Chris is ready to jump on the blog train. He's seen how much fun I'm having with my blog and wants to get in on the blogging fun himself. Plus his good friend Mikey has a cool blog, and Chris wants a cool blog too. All that's holding him back is a name. He just doesn't know what to call the thing. I'm no help, because as you can tell I'm not that good with coming up with creative, catchy names. I did ask him what his blog would be about....radio, computers, sports, recording, personal. His reply was "yeah, all of that". Suggestions anyone?

Some cute things Celia has been up to lately:

My personal favorite: All it takes to elevate me to heavenly status in her eyes is a towel on my head after my shower. Then I immediately become "Angel Mommy". For at least an hour, every request is posed in the sweetest voice "Can I have a drink, Angel Mommy"

The new shocker: "Noy noy". Noy noy is her phrase for anything she doesn't know the word for. Last week, we were playing the name that body part game in the tub and she let me know exactly where her "noy noy" was. I then explained what exactly that part was and she ran around the house screaming "va-GI-na" at everything that moved. Then while visiting friends, immediately after I shared the noy noy story, she walked up to a woman can caller her "Noy noy". Sorry about that. She wasn't calling you a vagina. She just didn't know your name.

Um um um um um um. The standard reply to any open ended question. You've just got to give this girl a choice, or else she's overwhelmed.

When asked "What's your favorite animal" she replies "Bubby is. He's a puma"

How to make a diaper cake.

Okay, here we go! We're making a diaper cake. I'm not going to give you a big supply list, because it's up to you. You will need about 60-70 diapers and a cardboard base. I use size 2 Luvs....because I like Luvs and I like to give bigger diapers. You can buy a cardboard cake round, but I'm cheap. I trace a dinner plate on a piece of cardboard and cut it out. It ends up slightly smaller than my cake, so you never see it. If yours is larger, you should cover it or decorate it.

Step 1. Roll up a diaper.



Step 2. Fasten with a rubber band. Repeat 60-70 times. Usually while watching tv.


Step 3. Attach your center to your cardboard base. I'm using baby wash since I'm making a bath time cake. This is a good basic to use. You can also use a bottle, lotion, a paper towel roll, or even a can of formula. Anything relatively tall and cylindrical. I use glue dots or hot glue to attach it. Today I went with hot glue. There are glue dots in the photo, since a lot of people don't know they exist. Yup. People make and sell dots of glue, for your convenience.


Step 4. Put a large, sturdy rubber band around your center. Begin slipping diapers into the rubber band.


Step 5. Fill the first ring with diapers. It usually takes 6-8 diapers, depending on the size of your center. I like to make sure that they all face in the same direction, because I'm strange like that. You might not be so obsessive....in which case stuff them in there any way you like. Now carefully remove the small rubber bands from each diaper. New moms don't like to take of 70 rubber bands before using their gift. If you like, you can substitute some of the diapers for onesies or other small gifts. You can also ditch the whole first ring, wrap an entire outfit around the center and secure with rubber bands or ribbon.


Congratulations! You just finished the first ring. Do your happy dance and let's get back to work.

Step 6. Put another rubber band around the ring you have assembled.


Step 7. Start slipping diapers into the new rubber band to make your second ring. I don't remember how many diapers, just put some in. It should be snug. Don't forget to remove the small rubber bands. Repeat entire step for the third ring.



Woohoo! We're done with the whole first layer.


Step 8. Here is gets a little tricky. I want the top of my cake to be only diapers, so I'm using a toilet paper roll for the rest of my center. You can use a small bottle or a sippy cup too. If I'm using another gift as my center, I leave it off and begin to assemble my second layer. Since I need to do some creative cutting to make my toilet paper roll work, I do it now. If you like, you can also use some baby spoons or popsicle sticks between the diapers of the first and second layer for stability. Just stick one end into the center of a diaper in the second ring, then stick another diaper right on top of it when you get there.



Step 9. Just like your first layer, put a rubber band on and slip diapers in. Repeat for a second ring. You will only have two rings in this layer.


Whew. Onto the last layer.

Step 9. Put together your top layer. If you are using a paper towel or toilet paper roll center, stick a diaper (or two) down in there. This will make the top of your cake look nice. You can always leave the top of a bottle or sippy cup sticking out. One of my other favorite things to do is put a puppet over the center, leaving the head and arms above the diapers. Makes a cute topper.


Step 10. Slip on a rubber band and complete a ring of diapers. Only one ring on the top layer. Don't forget to remove those pesky rubber bands from each diaper!

Done! That's your basic cake. Time to decorate it! Here are some things I've used, you can search the internet for more ideas or come up with something on your own.


Tie strips of tulle around each layer


Use a nice ribbon


Tie a piece of curly ribbon around each diaper. Say hello to my ham of a husband. He can't stand not being in pictures.


You can also wrap the whole thing in blankets.....or hooded towels. Hooded towels are IMPOSSIBLE. If this is your first cake, don't use them. Unless your some crazy Martha Stewart over achiever. In which case, knock yourself out. But don't blame me when you get mad and throw your pretty cake across the room.

So here I am fighting with the towels. It took a lot of creative folding and safety pinning. Also, if you're going to use towels or blankets, dish out the extra buck for the good safety pins. Do not buy the value economy pack of safety pins so dull you can't stick them in butter. That will make you want to poke your eyes out with said safety pins. But you can't. They are too dull.


After fighting for a VERY long time with towels and pins, I get this sloppy mess. It will have to do.


Now I'm adding some ducks. I love me some ducks. And the ducks love me. Especially after I shove a pipe cleaner up their little ducky bums. Sorry boys, it's the only way to attach you to the cake.


This is not what I had in mind when I started, but I think it's passably cute. Wrap it in tulle or cellophane and you're ready to take it to a new mommy!


Here is another one of my favorites. I'm just waiting for someone to have a little girl so I can give it away!


So there you go! Make yourself a cake! If you know of a better way, please let me know. I'm always looking for new ideas...especially if you know how to make the diapers look like the spiral around the cake.

So much to blog....

...and so little time to do it. But here we go!

I did make it to church yesterday with the kids. Not as relaxing as I had hoped....Celia was having a shy day and didn't want to go in the children's room. We went to Trinity Assembly of God, and I got to hear Pastor Crabtree speak for the first time.

I did enjoy his sermon, but I think my favorite part was the strength of his personal conviction. He was speaking about the importance of the Gospel, how if we could all just live it more, the world would be a better place. As he spoke I could see that he was deeply bothered by some of the social injustices around us today. I have a lot of respect for that: someone who is bother by something wrong...even if it doesn't affect them directly. Maybe because I spend a lot of my time bothered by random things that I can't change....I guess it moved me to see a man who was bothered in the same way (stereotypical, I know. but women tend to be the "fixers" a lot of the time)

I did not maim Chris in any way after he dropped tortillas on the floor and left them for me to clean up. MY tortillas. My specials "reward for not having a breakdown this week" Chilli's tortillas. If you've never had Chilli's tortillas, you need to. They are seriously good. And you don't even have to go there to eat them, you can just pick them up to go.

I spent the morning out at the old church helping my friend organize the childcare rooms. Our girls got a chance to play together and I think both of the rooms look much better. It took a LOT longer than I think either of us had planned for.....but we both share the same obsessive "different toys can't share the same bin" gene and had to sort through everything and organize. It's a big improvement though. She does a great job there without a lot of help. It was nice to spend the morning with her!

Then...the dreaded Walmart trip. If you haven't caught one of my rants on it yet, I view Walmart as the earthly equivalent to the inner rings of hell. Not that I believe in levels of hell, it's a purely literary statement.

We have a brand-spanking new Super Walmart now. If just opened last week. I thought maybe if I went in the middle of an afternoon a week after it opened it wouldn't be too bad. WRONG....boy was I wrong. But I did get the few craft things I've needed for awhile and some more duckies (we LOVE rubber duckies) and made it out alive. Hopefully I won't have to go back for a few months now.

If it's not enough to hate Walmart....I also hate getting there. They have the whole area tore up and corral the cars through a maze of fence to get you into the too-small parking lot. I also wish I'd taken a camera just to capture on of the arrows painted on the road. You know those arrows that tell you if it's a straight only lane, or right only, or right and straight? Well this arrow was marking a "forward and backward" lane. I'm sorry, but what in the world?

My final rant for the day....and I cringe even to write this because it's so darned mean....but old people drivers! On my very slow, residential street I had this little old lady ran a stop sign (two way, I didn't have one) and turned right in front of me. Luckily, I was going pretty slow and saw that she had no intention of stopping..so I did. Then a block later she blew straight through another stop sign by the school! Not a flicker of brake lights! Thank goodness no kids were out! Please, if your grandma drives like this, offer her a ride. And hide her keys. And remove the spark plugs from her car. Thank you.

End of My Rope

That's how I feel now. Am I allowed to be just done with everything....even for a little while? I guess not. I thought I was at the end of my rope while trying to cook dinner with a screaming toddler attached to my leg.....but now I think I am after Jordan left the bathroom door open (after getting his second unnessesary band-aid of the day) and Celia got in. By the time I found her she had covered her legs (and half the bathroom I cleaned yesterday) in powder foundation and was trying to give herself a haircut. Thank goodness she didn't succeed on that account!

It's almost bathtime.

And after that bedtime.

If I can somehow manage to drag my butt through folding the rest of the laundry once the kids are in bed and getting it all put away, then today will not have been a total waste.

And tomorrow I'm getting us all up, dragging everyone to church. Where I can place them in the hands of happy workers and sit in peace for an hour...hearing a message that I pray will have me leave feeling better than this.

Until then...

...it's almost bathtime.

Jesus Needs a Cookie.

Only a two year old can say something like that and be completely serious. And only a mother can reply "You just tell Jesus he needs to wait until after dinner for cookies" with a straight face. Honestly, the only reason I didn't laugh it because I really needed to pee, but Celia really doesn't want me to for some unknown reason. All I know is that I can't pee when someone is screaming at me not to pee. It's some wacked out version of mommy boot camp or something.

Back to Jesus and his cookies. First, you must know that my girl has a bit of a thing for Jesus. Which is adorable in it's own right (though a bit mortifying since every time we walk into Lowes she starts squealing "I want to see Jeeeeesus!" at the top of her lungs. Ugh, I hate blow up yard decorations...even if they do depict our Lord and Savior) When we go to church she is always sure to hunt up a baby doll and claim to care for baby Jesus (so what if he's in pink?). She likes Jesus. But she is also trying to use Jesus for her own little agenda.

Next, here is the Jesus who is requesting cookies.




That's right, I have a Jesus action figure. Isn't he the coolest thing ever?

Don't misunderstand. This is not some little idol to carry around and worship. He can't save your soul anymore than a Spiderman action figure can really websling. Honestly though, if you're going to play with action figures, you might as well play with a Jesus action figure. Isn't Jesus the greatest action figure of all time. I mean, if you think about it....Spiderman can swoop in and rescue you from eminent physical danger....but he can't do a darn thing for your soul.

Plus, in addition to the "Jesus needs a cookie" line he has inspired other timeless classics like

"Whoops, I just sat on Jesus"

and

"Girls! Stop fighting over Jesus. If you can't share Jesus, I'm going to take him away!"

Exhaustion

If you're one of my readers who doesn't like to hear me gripe, stop back in tomorrow. I've got a really nice post for you then. But tonight I'm venting...and it's likely to be long, rambling, and rather whiny.

I'm tired. I'm not dealing well with the whole time change thing. And I'm wondering how single moms and military wives do it. I'm starting to forget what it's like to have Chris here like a normal week! He's doing a much better job of calling us and talking to the kids, but now I suck because when he calls....I have nothing to say. Our latest conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello?

Chris: Hey there!

Me: Hey.

Chris: How's it going.

Me: Okay. Celia threw poop in the family room.

Chris: Really? How did that happen?

Me: Ummm...she just took off her pants and did it.

Chris: Oh. How was MOPS?

Me: Good.

Chris: Oh?

Me: Yeah.

Chris: Well, I have to pee like a mule, so I'm going to run and do that before the next game!

Me: Okay. Bye.

Yeah, he calls, acts very attentive and engaging...and I'm just like "Duhhhh". Also, how exactly does a mule pee?

I started putting mud on the drywall and discovered I suck at it. I haven't even completed the first layer...so hopefully it will get better. I called my father in law to let him know we were going to Charleston, but he's still coming over to work on it. Part of me cringes because he's going to see my amateur job and think less of me....part of me is glad because ...well, he knows what he doing and does it well. Plus, I think I made it pretty clear that I didn't NEED him to come work since he's finished the hard, heavy stuff....but he's still coming. Which makes me think that he does like it...like a hobby. And that's fine...I certainly don't mind him coming over and working in there! I just don't want him to feel like he has to because we're family. But after talking to him, I think he likes it.

So now I'm debating what I can reasonably get done before going to Charleston. I have to pack. That's a no-brainer. Which means I ought to do laundry. I'm really wanting to make some special St. Patrick's Day brownies to take with us since we'll be there all day Saturday. And I'd like to finish the first layer in the bathroom. That's pretty ambitious and not likely to all get done before 3 tomorrow.

The whole trip is a big question mark in my head. I mean, we really aren't going to see Chris. He's going to be working until midnight then out the door by 8 the next morning. So unless I rouse the kids and we all stare at him while he's sleeping (hey, stranger things have happened) we aren't going to see him. I had high hopes of Jordan going to a game or two and hanging with dad courtside....but that's not going to happen. Apparently the whole tournament is packed because of this OJ Mayo punk (don't get me started on him. You want the scoop on Mayo, check this guy out. He knows what he's talking about) and NO ONE but media is allowed courtside.

But....there is an indoor pool. The kids are dying to swim, so that makes the trip worth it. And it will be nice to see something other than the same four walls this weekend.

Then we all get to come home for a few days. But Chris and I don't really interact much. I'm exhausted because...well, frankly....children can suck the life right out of you. They are little joys, but can drain a person. If you're a parent, you know. If you aren't...shut your self in a room with a child for an hour. I guarantee you'll come out tired. Chris will be exhausted because he's been working too many hours and eating crap food for too many days. We'll both have so much that has happened during the week that we won't even know where to start talking, and wouldn't have the energy to do so even if we did.

I just keep telling myself that once he is home, things will be better. But then I just about start hyperventilating when I think about all the things he's got scheduled...St Jude's Radiothon, Follies, WVBA Awards, Trinity's new recording....in addition to his regular work schedule.

Plus the soccer coordinator called and they desperately need a coach this spring. It will be good for me...give me a chance to get some exercise, spend some quality time Jordan. It's just too much to think about right now.

Lastly, MOPS today was very enjoyable. I really like the ladies I'm meeting there. But I have a slight problem with word vomit when I get nervous (that's when you just talk WAY too much, I don't actually get sick on anyone) and I'm afraid I come off as a total egomaniac. The speaker today was funny, and she made a good point: To live in abundance you have to find our purpose in life and live it. Easier said than done! She had us go through this little quiz that was supposed to help lead you toward your purpose....but I had a different answer for every life goal question! I have a different purpose (okay, obsession) every other month! I hope eventually one will be the one God wants me to pursue at which point He better burn a bush or something to clue me in. I'm just floating through life like that crazy plastic bag in American Beauty.

P.S. Where the heck is 30 Rock? Why is NBC messing with the one show I actually enjoy this season?

Diagram of a Marriage

Woohoo! I figured out how to work the scanner. But just to scan things in...not make them readable or anything.

So in our Wednesday night small group study we've been doing a great book "Fit to be Tied. Making Marriage Last a Lifetime". A few weeks ago out take home assignment was to draw a picture of your spouse before marriage, and another of them as they are now. It was a really hard assignment for us....because we haven't really changed that much. It's only been three years.

Obviously, neither one of us has ANY artistic talent. We're musicians, so that's okay.

Here we have Chris's diagram. He just had gotten back into town about 15 minutes before church, so he was a little rushed.


On the before picture he has draw an arrow to my heart and written "Lost and Lonely, waiting for the love of her life". Thanks hon. I wouldn't put it that way......but props to you anyway.

He also remembered that I had long hair when we got married. This isn't hard to remember since I only cut it off a few months ago.

On the after picture we have my new butch haircut and another arrow to my heart saying "No longer lonely".

Here's mine. I had a little more time....but still no artistic talent.

First off, notice on the before picture the proportion of work to home. He worked a lot before we got married. That ratio has started slipping in the past year....but not by his choice. Hopefully things will slack off soon and he won't be so busy all the time!

The thought bubble on the before reads "Sure, I'll produce that game, and fix that problem, and travel". On the after it reads "Let me ask my wife". Like I said, he doesn't commit himself to as many projects....and usually runs the extra stuff by me first.

We've got another arrow pointing to clothes. On the before it reads "Nice clothes and endless dry cleaning budget". On the after "Occasionally wrinkled clothes as wife cut dry cleaning budget and hates to iron". Isn't that a sad fact. He's still a pretty snazzy dresser though.

Another arrow to the show. Before "Nice Shoes". After "Decent shoes. Wife deemed shoe fetish unnecessary". Sorry, but that man just had too many pairs or leather shoes! And I'm scary cheap.

Small arrow to the belly area indicating lack of home cooked food before marriage.

Don't forget to notice the Blackberry in his hand in the after picture. I couldn't figure out how to draw it attached to his head.

Lastly, the arrows to the house. Before "Very messy house. Several rooms entirely closed off to the public and designated as junk rooms". After - "Clean house though frequently cluttery. On occasional cheerio on the floor since the little one came along" This refers to our ongoing discussion over clutter vs dirt. I can't stand dirt. Sticky counters, dusty furniture....and I must be able to vacuum. He hates dishes in the sink and stuff sitting out....but out of sight out of mind in his book, so it's okay to shove stuff places and forget about it. We actually balance each other out pretty well here. I don't let him fill up rooms and closets with useless stuff that belongs in the trash.....and I try to keep stuff picked up so he's not coming home and "angry cleaning".

So you can clearly see that these diagrams, like most of our relationship, are pretty goofy. And we kind of like it that way.

Slinging Mud and Flinging Poo

No, not the preverbial mud thrown around by politicians and talk show hosts. Drywall mud! Our bathroom is finally to the point where I can get in there and do something....so I started taping and mudding the joints today. I'm half excited, half terrified I'm going to mess it up.

Unfortunately, the timing couldn't be worse. Last week, I had NOTHING going on. I was bored out of my gourd. This week we have guitar, church, MOPS, and I'm planning to taking the kids to Charleston friday night. That's usually how it goes though...I'll just get as much as I can done and finish it next week. Then we move on to tile. Woohoo!

Celia was a little angel while I was working on that and the zillion other things I had going on today. But she did NOT want to take a nap. I put her in there, thought she went to sleep, and came down to fix my lunch. Just as I sat down to some really good potato skins I heard the patter of little feet and clanking of toys. I figured she could play for a few minutes while I ate and then I'd go up and play the "take your nap bad guy". When I finally went up there, can you guess what I found? That's right. Poop. In the family room. That little monkey had pooped, removed her skirt, taken off the diaper....and THREW the poop into the family room.

That right there is why God made children so cute. So you would have to fight the urge to laugh (because everyone know that totally undermines discipline efforts) instead of fighting the urge to throttle them.

Time Change & Cool Stuff to do with Soap

Not much to talk about today. The government seems to have deviously planned good weather to make me enjoy the time change (against my will). I've got to say that playing in the backyard looks like it's going to be MUCH more fun this year than last. Celia is old enough to grasp consequenses so it's easier to keep her in the yard. I still want to do something about the fence (for safety reasons) so I sat out there thinking about that for awhile.

Last year I had this big plan to revamp the front of the house. Give it a little curb appeal....a little class. That plan bit the big one and by fall, the outside looked even more white-trashy than it did before. So no new plans this year, just try and fix the damage from last year. I was going to start today by chopping out a half cut out/dug up boxwood....but couldn't find an ax. So instead I cleared a massive about of weeds out of a small would-be flower bed in the back.

I also spent a lot of time looking at the playset we have. It's one of those treehouse style ones. The kids love it....but there isn't a swing extension, so I think it's dangerous. But it's a great playset.....and I think we could tweak it to be just what I want. Then I start thinking that the steps would be better on the other side of the porch....and a million other things. Someone please stop me now because these are NOT small projects and they aren't getting done this year!

So, a new addition to my blog. I'm forever reading about our hearing about cool little things, which I never get a chance to share and usually forget before I get a chance to try, so I'm going to start blogging them.

Starting with the wonders of blue Dawn (dish detergent). First off, if you're a bargain shopper, there are usually good coupons and you end up with this stuff for free of close to it. That's always a plus.

It's a given that you can use it for dishwashing and cleaning (removes grease well). But surprise, it has other, secret functions you never knew about.

The other bargain mommies at BBC let me in on the secret that it will clear clogged drains. Our toilet has been messed up for months....poured in half a bottle, let it sit, and it works like new. I don't know what that does to the environment, but it can't be any worse than Draino. Just sayin'.

Blue Dawn is also rumored to make the best home made bubble solution. Last year we got one of those super huge bubble maker things. Turns out that the bubble fluid you get with the cheapo bubble wands won't work for serious bubbles. Here is the recipe I found:

1 bottle blue Dawn (no fancy scented stuff!)
2 TBSP Corn syrup
Enough water to fill the rest of a gallon jug.

Combine all ingredients, let sit at least overnight. Enjoy your big ole bubbles!

Beethoven Reincarnate

If Beethoven played the guitar. And wore jeans. And was a little more cheery. And played at gigs like the school talent show.

Okay, maybe not reincarnate, but I think you'll all agree with me that this is the best (and the cutest) rendition of Beethoven's Ode to Joy ever!



Umm, that's his music teacher holding the mike. Pay no attention to her. We're not going to even talk about the production and organizational aspect of the show because it was....well....not how I would do it. That's all I'm going to say about that.

I will gush on and on about these cute kids though! I could have listened to them all day! Highlights of the show:

Crazy arm dancer boy. He had some crazy fast arms and a serious case of stage fright. Poor little guy was fine as long as he was in his spot (the far left, back corner of the stage) but any tie the music teacher tried to coax him out he would totally freeze. Total cutie though!

Two little girls singing a song from High School Musical. You could tell the were best friends...they came out holding hands for moral support. Anytime either of them got nervous they would look at the other, they would smile at each other and keep going strong! They were so sweet.

There were tons of great little singers, dancers, jump-ropers, pianists, and joke tellers. There was one little girl who just broke my heart. She was the sweetest, prettiest little thing. She started her song and was doing SO great....and then her cd skipped. And skipped. And skipped. Her little face just fell.....skipping cds were par for the course tonight. Which makes me think crappy cd player. Anyway she just looked so sad...I almost cried.

Also, I got to hear an eight year old say "shake your moneymaker". Thankfully he did not demonstrate any shaking.

So Jordan did his thing. I thought he was brilliant (awards are given out tomorrow, so we'll see what the "judges" though) and we decided that we needed celebratory Shamrock Shakes. We also needed to take a friend to pick up his truck, so we lumped all that together in one.

Pulled into the first McDonalds....they are out of Shamrock mix.

Pulled into second McDonalds......not only are they out of Shamrock Mix, but they also have no ice cream.

Tried out a Burger Kind (we decided to settle on vanilla shakes and hershey pie). No ice cream.

The last McDonalds in my podunk town......they are done selling Shamrock Shakes. We settled (unhappily) on McFlurries.

What does it take to get a Shamrock Shake? Does anyone know what is in those things? Surely I could make something close!

Eulogy for My Guitar

You were my first guitar. Not the most expensive, or the fanciest guitar I could find, but you were solid. Durable. And most importantly at that time.....blue.

You rode on my back to countless college guitar lessons. You put up with hours of me struggling over the same three chord folk songs. The same (timeless) songs, over and over, without complaint.

You came with me on my first teaching job. You endured hours of eager twelve year olds trying out their hand at "Ode to Joy", "Smoke on the Water", Ozzy, and un-named speed metal licks.

You held your head up through the senseless spray painting at the hands of some delinquents. The guys in the shop said it would damage you more to remove the paint, so you proudly bore those marks until your dying day.

Even today, the last moments of your life were spend accompanying a toddler to an enthusiastic "Jesus Loves Me" before slipping from her little hands and crashing to the floor.

You will be missed.

Rest in Peace, dear friend.

Sammi the Guitar
2000-2007

Crooked Heads and Fluffy Butts

This is my son. His head is crooked. It only becomes crooked when he's wearing a bike helmet. At first I just thought we had a gimpy helmet, but that's not it. He borrowed a friend's helmet one day....and the helmet that sits perfectly balanced on his friend's head is absolutely crooked on his. It's his head.



Very confusing, because when you just look at him, he looks like a perfect normal kid without any head abnormalities.


Just kidding. You've got to love this MacBook Photo Booth though. Tons of neat options.

For real, here is his normal head. Nothing crooked or strange about it. Even the precise measurements at the pediatrician show nothing off.

But he is definitely crooked.


Enough with him and onto ME. Here's a perfectly nice picture of me and my baby girl walking down the street. Is that butt fluffy or what? (Mine, not hers. Well, hers is too, but she's got a few extra inches of diaper under there.) It looks like I'm wearing snow pants or something.


In my defense, those are not my best jeans. We were playing outside so I wore the halfway grubby ones...but still....not a good look.

I have been sitting around eating massive amounts of brownies, Krispie treats, and cinnamon rolls. I have not met two of my goals for the year (Drink 16 oz of water each day, some sort of physical activity 3 times a week). I've been a slacker. A sluggard. I checked a few sites and I'm within my recommended weight. i don't really have a problem with the number on the scale...it's that butt fluffiness and extra lump of fat that has taken up residence on my belly that I can't stand.

Since the government decided to mess with time again, I'm going to suck it up and use it as an excuse for starting over. That's right. The government messed up time for all of America to get me off my fluffy butt and get in shape. You can all thank me for that when you're feeling sleepy this afternoon.