If you thought I was schexy before...

....well, let me just say that my little retainer is NOTHING compared to the sight I currently am!

Standing in the kitchen in a hot pink t shirt that reads "Mrs. M's Pink Panthers" (ah, middle school intermurals) with most of my legs covering in a very goopy baking soda paste. You can't sit down with this stuff, because it crackles and falls off, making a big mess. Which is why I'm standing in the kitchen in the first place.

And it's not even working. My legs STILL itch like you wouldn't believe. Benedryl cream doesn't help. Fingernail polish and scotch tape don't help. The RX hydro cortisone cream I found in the medicine cabinet doesn't help.

It appears I've been attacked by a very hungry spider. At least that what one of my nurse friends thinks....I had to drag her into the ladies room and church and make her check out my increasingly nasty legs. She was happy to inform me that it was spider bites. I was just happy I didn't have to stick around Vacation Bible School and scratch my legs while wearing a foam cowboy hat (like she was...only she wasn't scratching).

I finally gave up, threw on some pajama pants and vigorously rubbed my legs while begging my husband to bring me more ice for them (the only things that provides just a little relief).

Isn't he a lucky guy? Gets to go to bed with an itchy, retainer wearing wife who reeks of many different experimental itch relievers that don't work.....

Oh yeah....and while proofreading this post he found a typo that made me laugh so hard that my tea came out my nose and all over half the living room. It was bad.

Plus I made him help me free the furry captive from the garbage can this afternoon.


Here he is again...not happy that I woke him up from his comfy nap on the PullUp. He's getting ready to run.... (~gag~ do you see that tail? blech!)


Here I am....armed with the broom. Also ready to run.



So I knocked the can over and that nasty bugger wouldn't come out. Look at him in there cowering beside that toothpaste box.......



So I made Chris get in there and coax him out of there with the broom. He eventually got him out....and he ran right toward me (cowering on the porch). The he ran on my elderly neighbor's porch. We chased him off there and haven't seen him since. (The possum, not my husband. He then went golfing and came home watch Big Love.)




Don't you remember that part of the wedding vows, honey? Through possums, spider bites, tea out the nose, and nightly mouth guards.........