Three Rivers Festival

Okay, so in trying to catch up from all the weekend craziness, I completely neglected to tell you all about the Three Rivers Festival.

First off, let me just say, that the festival is going downhill, fast. Both Chris and I talk every year about how much fun we had going to the festival with we were younger. The Gateway Clipper came to town, there were some really cool rides. It was great.

Some of that you can write off to the memory of a child. But since our parents also agree that the festival is not as cool now as it was then, I think it's a pretty accurate statement.

This year, Jordan's class took a field trip to the festival. We actually only spent about 2 hours at the festival itself....all the other activities were organized just for the school tours and were not open to the general festival public.

So we started off at the festival bright and early, 9:00 Thursday morning. Me, my son, and 5 little girls. Thank goodness, because most of the other boys in his classroom are and and foul children who I may have thrown in the river. I think his teacher knows that, ans she was smart enough to give me some well behaved little girls.

So we watched the Magician, then went to check out the rides. The kids were thoroughly disappointed by the 8 rides that were there this year...only 4 of them being open this early in the morning. One little girl also had a bad memory of almost puking some previous festival year and wouldn't go near the things. The other kids were bored with those rides after about 15 minutes. Thank goodness. I always think those things are shoddily assembled death traps (and our experience with another carnival type ride over the weekend would prove that statement to be true). Luckily, the bounce houses were FREE to the school kids, so they jumped on those for about an hour. Then, they were hot, sweaty, hungry....and broke. Most of them came with no money, they ones that did bring a little money couldn't afford the inflated festival prices.

So I treated everyone to lemonades (well, 3 lemonades and 6 straws....even I couldn't afford those prices!) and a giant funnel cake that we all shared. We found a shady spot with Jason Parrish (head meteorologist for WBOY) and sat there until it was time to go.

The kids loaded up on the busses and I went back to my car (because for some reason, chaperones had to drive seperately...not that I minded, but it was weird).

Across town to a Carnegie Science Center presentation at the Elks club (pretty cool) and lunch on Veteran's Plaza (not cool...as in high noon and no shade, plus I had I corral a couple of 6th grades who wanted to discuss their balls with my 4th grade girls)

Then a tour of the Times WV newpaper office (yawn, for both me and the kids) and we were done.

The soccer game that was scheduled that night was cancelled, so the family and I trekked back down to the festival. See we live 3 blocks away. Since the kids can hear all the festival noise (and I can smell the funnel cakes), we do have to go down for one evening. Plus, it was parade night, and everyone loves a parade. Even if all you get is two bands, 15 firetrucks, 47 beauty queens, the Rockettes (ugh, don't get me started) and the secret Gay and Lesbian support league. They were my favorite....just this little jeep covered in rainbows stuck on the end of the parade, giving out stickers and bracelets. With rainbow and peace signs. So I think they were a gay and lesbian support group....but I'm not sure. Because they never said (or had any signs). I'd love to support you, if I knew what I was supposed to be supporting. I'm going with Gay and Lesbian acceptance because of the rainbows....but it very well could have been citizen for colorblindness. In any case, I clapped for them.

Back at the festival we ate about $40 worth of carnival food, spent $20 so the kids could play in the bounce houses for 20 minutes, then helped my kid win a bear at a rigged carnival game. One more funnel cake for the road, and we were done with the festival for another year.

I'm hearing rumors that one of our local personalities wants to blow the whole thing up and have a Pepperoni Roll festival. I'm not sure that I care either way, it's been crap since they dropped the "Coal Festival" moniker. But really, who wants to ride in every other festival parade around the state in a car with a sign that says "Little Miss Pepperoni"?

The Vacation is Over!

I've had a bit of an extended visit since my mom has been in visiting for the past few days. I knew we'd be busy, so I planned on not doing laundry or major housework. It was nice!

But yesterday Celia and I drove her back to the airport so now my vacation is over. Back to the everyday business of life.

Yesterday was a pretty great end to the vacation though. Celia was really good on the two hour drive to Pittsburgh. We left early enough to go to IKEA....a twice a year visit to a store I love! I got a lot of nice new things that I've been waiting for, and I didn't spend very much money.

We also had time to swing into Target. They put out their new Dollar Spot items and in it were the cheapy bubble wands that I've been looking for since Easter! Celia and I were thrilled. It's just a round plastic flower on the end of a long stick, but perfect for toddlers. And we only had one. Now we have plenty! That pretty much made my day. She also found a many tentacled ball that she asked for. I usually don't buy my kids stuff when we're out shopping (they usually don't ask either) but the look of desire on her face was so great (and the ball was only $1) that I got it. She loves it. And despite the stink of new plastic, I think it's pretty cool too. I am going to have to pick on up for Jordan though, because he loves it too.

We got Mom to the airport then started home. Celia slept the whole way to I got to sing along to Rent (my very favorite musical.....not kid friendly though, so I rarely get to listen). Then we came home to get out the new baby pool my mom got for Celia, which was loads of fun for everyone.

Unfortunately, here's where my day went to crap....Hubby has decided that he and a work pal want to buy a house to rent out. Which would be great...you know, if we had any money and could take care of the house WE live in. He mentioned it Friday....but I didn't think he was serious so just left it alone after stating my "I don't think that's a good idea right now" opinion. Well....they are having lunch with a mortgage broker today. Our discussion over that did NOT go well. I think I'm being a realist....he thinks I'm being overly negative and mean.

Whatever. I'm currently clinging to the hope that no sane banker would give them money, as I know we certainly have NOTHING for a down payment (we're still reeling from that $800 gas bill and braces!).

I'm also really busy today, so hopefully I won't have much time to worry about it.

We got a Wii!

Well, technically Jordan got a Wii. His grandparents bought it for him for his birthday.

But it's in the living room right now since there is more floor space than in Jordan's room. So we all get to play lots of it.

You get to make your own little person, call a Mii. You can make them look just like you! Or however you want to look, in my case. My Mii has hip spikey hair and perfect lipstick. Two things I never have in real life, but my Mii is way cool so she has them.

Everyone seems a little worried that my favorite game is boxing. I really like it. I take great joy in beating the crap out of my family. In the game of course. I would never hit them in real life. But in the game, I kick serious butt. I am a force to be reckoned with. I am MOMMY, the destroyer.

So my apologies in advance if my blog seems a bit empty the next few days. I may be busy. My Mini Mii and I have to practice while the boys are away and increase both my boxing butt-kicking skills and my tennis game.

It's very important. Seriously. You can't even know.

Birthday Party Gone Bad

Well, it sure was a memorable birthday for Jordan.

Everything went quite fine all through the pizza eating, cake cuttting and present opening.

Then we released the big kids to play in the attached room (we had a private party room at a fun center in our town....you can see into one of the indoor play areas from our room) while we cleaned up the mess and told them we'd take them out to the golf and stuff after a bit.

They were the cutest thing ever as they all trotted off in a line of excited kids. We remarked how cute they all looked since they were all wearing a different colored plain shirt....like a rainbow of kids. The dads and toddlers trailed along and everyone rode bumper cars while we cleaned up.

By the time we finished, the kids all decided to ride the spinny teacup ride. Everyone piled on (including Chris and Celia and another dad and his toddler).

But midway through the ride the door on one of the teacups flew open. The little boy closest to the door felt like he was going to fall out and grabbed the door opening. One of the other boys in the cup reached across and pulled the door shut (thank goodness) but it slammed on our little friend's fingers. His index finger was almost severed completely and his middle finger was cut to the bone.

He was a real trooper. He cried some as we applied ice and towels, but once we got him in the ambulance he didn't even sniffle...just asked me if he would still have his fingers for his beach trip next month. He was so brave the whole time. His mom met us at the hospital and his dad made it in shortly after. He went to the best hospital in our area and received great care.

I just spoke with his dad....they are on their way home. The doctors were able to re-attach everything and think he will have no lasting effects. It may take a few weeks to regain sensation, but they think it will come back.

The owners of the fun center are just distraught. They know it was their employee's (a high school kid) fault because he didn't even check the doors of the ride to be sure they latched. They have the whole thing on tape and took statements from some of the dads that saw everything. I know that they plan on making amends with the family (they told us we didn't have to pay for the party...which I think is a little silly because that doesn't really help the little boy and his family any).

Most of the other kids really didn't know what was happening. Chris wisked them away pretty quickly. A few were upset, but after we left Chris, my mom, and some of the other parents kept the party going.

Please be in prayer for our little friend....that he regain all sensation in his fingers and that his recovery be as pain-free as possible.

Fondant for Beginners, by a Beginner!

Tomorrow is the big Star Wars birthday party. Luckily, my mom is visiting to help me make the cake!

This is my second attempt at a fondant cake (I'm a miserable failure with buttercream icing). My first was a rousing success, so I decided to give it a try for a party!

If you've never tried this before, you should. It's fun, and easy....take a little time though!

I put together a few batches of icing Wednesday evening....so they would be ready. Marshmallow fondant is better if you make it in advance. It gives any small clumps of sugar a little time to dissolve.

We baked three 9x13 cakes (from a box...I'm making fancy icing here, what more can you ask for!) yesterday so they would have plenty of time to cool.

Today we went in search of a cake box and put the sucker together.

First, I cut one of the cakes in half and trimmed the edges. Slap a blob of icing on the cake board (this keeps your cake from sliding around your board). Put down one half, a layer of icing, and the other half. We're using chocolate cake with chocolate icing, because that's what the birthday boy requested.

I then give the whole rectangle (this will be the handle) a thin covering of icing, just like a crumb coat on a traditional cake. This will give you something to make your fondant stick to the cake and will also help your finished project to look nice and smooth.

Now would be the time to color and roll out your fondant for the handle. I decided to be very fancy with this cake and make the handle silver (they make this really cool silver powder that you can brush on). I colored white marshmallow fondant grey to give it a good color base. Roll flat, cover your cake, and cut off the excess. This is when I brushed the edible silver powder on.

The actual sword part of this cake was tricky. Each 9x13 cake is cut in half longways , then shaped to look like a sword. Do the same layering trick. (Blob of icing, cake, layer of icing, more cake.) You may want to cover the adjoining part before you put the crumb coat of icing on (the handle you've already covered in fondant). Regular icing is hard to wipe off fondant! Then cover this part in fondant (I used a light green).

Then I used little bits of chocolate marshmallow fondant dyed black to the accessories. I just rolled them flat, and cut them out with aa pizza cutter.

The final thing I did was twist pieces of the black and grey together to make a rope to make the bottom of the cake look finished!

It's not a professional cake by any means, but we really like it. It's still missing the "Happy Birthday" letters. (Ermm, the cute little letter molds ate then right up. I'm just going to pipe letters on in the morning with black gel icing.)

So here is it......a LIGHT SABER CAKE!

Cat. I'm a Kitty Cat.

We have some cats. Three of them, to be exact.

According to my neighbors, they are a menace. Always getting into the trash when they put it out on trash night.

First off people.....buy a trash can. You can get one with a lid for less than $10. Seriously.

Anyway, my cats are extra special super talented cats. At some point in their kitty lives they have acquire human intelligence. I don't know when they did this, but I guess they stole some keys. They made a copy and let themselves in and out at will. Because we bring them in every trash night, and they are still in the house the next morning. But that lady up the street insists that she sees my cats digging dirty diapers (eww) out of her trash. Not a raccoon. Or a opossum. Or a stray. It's definitely one of my cats.

So here they are, the troublemakers.

First up we have Periwinkle......AKA Mama Cat. She snuck out on our wedding night and got herself knocked up. (She was an inside cat so Chris saw no reason to have her spayed. Ha ha HA). The little minx. She has since been fixed, but I think she still has a little side business going on that I don't know about. There's just something sweet but sneaky about her.



Okay, next we have Baby Cat. Yeah, that's her real name. She's the only kitten we couldn't bear to get rid of. She is certainly not the mastermind of an grand plans. This animal is a couple carrots short of a salad. She's also incredibly skittish and only lets Jordan pet her. I had crawl up to her when she was sleeping and use super zoom to even get a picture of her. Take note of the blank, vacant stare. That's all she's got folks. Chris blames it on the fact that we picked her up and petted her to early as a kitten. I think Mama Cat got knocked up by a long lost cousin or something.


Lastly we have Brianna. She's my favorite. Unfortunately, she's also a prime suspect for sneaking out of the house. You see, she's the only cat with opposable thumbs. Necessary for using keys and opening doors. She's CAT, the missing link.



She is also my favorite because she follows the rules of the house. I've told these girls a million times...."If you're going to sneak out and go drinking with all your cat buddies, you better make it to the toilet with your little kitty hangover the next day. There's nothing I hate more than cat puke on my floor.


She gets it. And I love her for it. Though we did have to buy her that cute little Dora seat so she wouldn't fall in while yakking. You should see her trying to get it up there before she blows chunks though......

They are all due for a rabies vaccination this year. Wish me luck getting them in the carrier!

If these cats weren't cute enough for you, check out this one. He's my kid's favorite You Tube video!

Happy Birthday Jordan

Ten years ago today, I woke up in the morning as a child and went to sleep at night as a mother.

I had no clue this was going to be the day my life changed forever.

I mean, I knew I was pregnant (34 weeks) and I knew things would soon change, but I had no idea how much. Just like any first time mom, you just can’t know how a child will change your life.

In addition to being a first time mom, I was really young. Only 19, still living with my mom as Chris and I hadn’t found a place yet. I had no life experience. I’d read everything I could find about having a baby, but books don’t really give you an idea of what a child means.

At 3:00 my water broke, and just over an hour and a half later my little guy was born. Since Jordan was only 34 weeks, he had some breathing problems at birth and had to be taken by ambulance to a better hospital with a NICU.

The first heartbreaking thing I had to deal with was not being able to go with him to the new hospital. Chris and his dad made the trip with him, and I went to see him the next day. He was so tiny, hooked up to a zillion wires and machines. It was so scary seeing him like that, but the nurses were so nice and told me I could change his diaper…..and he proceeded to crap all over me. I cried, because I was a hormonal post partum woman and I had no idea what else I was supposed to do. Thank goodness for good nurses again.

Amazingly, I caught on to the whole diaper changing thing and every other part of mothering pretty quickly. He made it easy. He was an almost perfect baby. Rarely cried, just generally happy to be around.

He has always been a pleasant kid. He never really went through a terrible-twos fit throwing stage, he’s never been mean. He’s made it pretty much unscathed through all our parenting mishaps.

We have on memorable video of everyone laughing at cats on the roof. Jordan went in to look out a window to see them and the window at the top of the steps fell in (who knew?) and came flying down the steps as he was going up. We forgot the camera was on and all you see for 5 minutes is out feet as we scream and run to him. Amazingly he somehow managed to squeeze out of the way as the window went sliding past. Once he was golfing with Chris and his dad and got swarmed by bees. We were worried about an allergic reaction, but he had no lasting scars (other than a huge fear of bees!) He broke his arm at daycare on Valentine’s Day when he was 4. Three days later I had to pry him and his huge casts of the monkey bars. He was (and is) an unstoppable ball of energy.

He’s amazingly smart with all the things he knows, the books he reads. He can talk your ear off, or amaze you with a song he figures out (on the piano or guitar) or just makes up on his own.

When his sister was born, he turned into the best big brother in the world. She fell in love with him. Every day when she wakes from nap, her first words are “Who’s here”. She can’t wait for “Bubby” to get home from school. He doesn’t get bored of silly toddler games and does his best to teach her to do big kid things.

And today, as he turns 10, he’s starting to make the change from big kid to young man.

Here he is, just a few months old.

Right before his first birthday he started walking. He was into everything!

At two he was a giggling ball of energy.

At three, my sweet playful boy.

At four, showing off his cat. He's always loved animals!

At five, he's a total goofball, hamming it up for the camera!

At six, the little man in our wedding.

At seven, a star on stage in the church Christmas musical.

At eight, a big brother is born.

At nine, he's all piratey goodness at his birthday party.

And here he is at ten. A young man.

I Turn Blue....

...when I'm cold and wet, just like a little kid in the pool. Not all of me. I'm not a smurf for crying out loud! Just my lips...and hands....and feet. It's kind of freakish, and apparently it really bothers some people.

Yesterday we had a soccer game. I was going to do pictures beforehand, but the weather was on and off rain, so I cancelled those.

Then we had the big weather debate before walking out the door. Should Chris and Celia come to the game, or stay home. (We try to all be at events, but no reason for everyone to get wet!). The radar looked okay, like the worst of the rain had passed, so we loaded everyone in the car.

We got to the field and started loading the stroller up for the trek to the field and Chris asked where the umbrella was.

Umbrella? I didn't pack an umbrella! I got both kids in the car, each with all their gear! Jordan had all his soccer stuff, Celia had a sippy, stroller, snack, and change of clothes. I had all my coaching stuff....clipboard, treats for the boys, goalie gloves and shirts. An umbrella was asking a bit much.

Well, we got to the field, I warmed the boys up. We had a full team, so that was great. The other team got there (it was an out of county match, which always makes me nervous...I know all the coaches in our county. They are nice guys and teach good soccer) and they also had read shirts....so my boys got to wear yellow vest.

The other coach was a BIG burly man. His first words to me (and the reason I blame him completely for getting go wet) were, "Did you play last night? Boy, it just poured down the rain. 'Course, my boys could swim and play soccer, so it don't matter much. Hey, you like my #2? He scored me 20 goals last night. Over 60 this season".

Dude. Why are you telling me this? I really don't care. I'm trying to coach soccer over here. I have about 3 boys who don't "get" the game yet...and need pretty much constant coaching (not how I like to do things. I prefer to teach in practice and let them play....for the most part....at the games) whether they are in the game or on the bench.

Shortly after that brief exchange. It started raining. Not bad at first. Meanwhile, #2 was whomping my boys. Score at halftime was 5-1. Not good.

Celia and Chris spent most of the game under a huge golf umbrella with another team dad (and thankfully, one of our best friends). Celia was in her massive jogger stroller, the other dad in his chair, and Chris couched facing him....watching the game over his shoulder. It looked questionable, to say the least. At one point (Chris told me) some people were admiring Celia and he gazed up at the other dad and said, "Given the circumstances, they probably think she's OURS"

About two minutes before halftime the unpleasant drizzle turned into an absolute downpour. At one point, I was afraid my contacts were going to wash out of my eyes. We cut halftime short to get back to the game and get it over with....then had to pause everything and retreat to the concession stand because of lightening.

The ref (who was great!), burly coach and I all had a pow-wow on if we wanted to wait the required 30 minutes after lightening to resume the game, or call it and go home. I left it up to Burly Coach....because they drove 30 minutes to get to this game, and they'd have to drive (through weather) home. Okay....maybe that wasn't the real reason. I wasn't caving to any Burly Man. I'd be happy if he wanted to call the game, but no way was I going to say....eh, I'm cold and wet, let's all go home.

Plus, I looked around at the boys and they were having a ball running around in the mud. I wanted to give them a shot at actually playing the game.

After 30 minutes of waiting....everyone had hot chocolate (thanks to a very nice team dad...since the coach didn't even bring her purse or anything to the field...), I only had to clear the boy's restroom once (there was a hot air hand warmer in there and there was about to be a fistfight over it) we got back to the game.

I gave the boys a talk about #2....put on the pressure, don't wait on him....and contain (that was the word of the week at training). I'm really proud of them (especially my kid!) because they did a great job. They only let him get 1 more goal....then Jordan scored a goal.

But about the turning blue....yeah. I guess the ref was quite worried about it. He came up to me several times with a "You need to go in and get warm, coach" suggestion.

And boy I did. Just as soon as we got home, I decided that new bathroom fan really needed to be tested to see if it cleared steam from the bathroom. I took the longest, hottest shower EVER. And that fan works just fine!

New Diets for Moms

These popular new diets were shared with me this morning at my MOPS meeting. I wanted to pass them along to all my mommy readers, because they totally cracked me up!

THE TODDLER DIET

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days.

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.

Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and cloth.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, four sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina DogChow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: Drop pieces of spaghetti onto back of dog, insert meatball into ear. Dump pudding into Kool-Aid and suck up with a straw.

REPEAT DAYS AS NEEDED!

This next one pretty accurately describes my usual eating habits!

The Stress Diet
BREAKFAST:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

LUNCH:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

DINNER:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

RULES FOR THIS DIET:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)

10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."

Adventure on the Rail Trail

For those of you who don't live in WV, we have a really neat system of hiking/biking trails called Rail Trail. Basically, they are miles and miles of trails that follow an old railroad line. The tracks have been removed, and in some places they have been paved or covered in crushed gravel. They are pretty cool as you get to use the old train bridges or tunnels.

We have really been trying to walk more lately. Since we had no plans yesterday evening, we decided to hop in the car and drive the 10 minutes to Prickett's Fort State Park and walk on the Mon River Trail. As the name implies, it follows the river.

We've been stuck walking because....well, the cost of a bike for me and a bike trailer for Celia is a little much for us. Every time I walk the trail I get closer to buying one though!

Last night, we walked all the way to Catawba. Which may be a booming metropolis off the trail, the from the trail looks like the place that time forgot. There a big, white, boarded up house that sits right on the river. I want to buy it tomorrow, pry those boards off the windows, and move right in. (Because in my little fantasy, all the wavy old glass is intact under those boards and as soon as I wipe everything down with some Mr.Clean, it will be perfect). It's just so Fried Green Tomatoes.

I mentioned my fantasy to Chris and he shared with me in no uncertain terms I could put that one to rest. That's okay. Because in my fantasy, as I'm walking around the house checking it out, the neighbors come out. See, they own the property and hate the old place. They'll let me have it for just a couple grand if I just promise to do something with it. So every day Chris will go to work and Celia and I will drive out and just ramble around my big ole river house until we get it all fixed up and pretty and begin hosting river parties with the best ice tea you have ever tasted......and I won't be stressed out about my toddler getting out of the house and falling in the river that is RIGHT THERE because in this little dream, my girl doesn't run away at every given opportunity.

Okay, back to reality. It's a really nice trail. We got to cross a bridge and see lots of birds and little forest creatures. We saw one cardinal. That's the WV State Bird, in case you didn't know. So that makes them a little special. Not all that special though, because you can see them just about anywhere. We even have one brave bird (uh, we have 3 cats) living in the trees behind out house. He sits on our fence.

We also saw a cute little blue bird, which you don't see every day. Plus a chipmunk and a millipede (last time we saw one, I screamed and ran away). I did not personally see the nasty bug this time because Celia and I left the boys behind. See, my husband possesses this genetic abnormality that causes him to make noise ALL of the time. Singing, humming, clicking, whistling, tapping, never ending noise. He passed this on to our son. So Celia and I left the little noisemakers in the dust and moved to a quieter area.

She tends to be pretty quiet, with the occasional burst of conjugating her baby verbs. ("Boob-a fada, boob-a dada, boob- a mama).

So anyway, we made it all the way to Catawba. I looked at the map today, and it said it was only 0.9 miles. No way! That freaking map is WRONG. It's way farther than that.

On the way back we heard a train coming and really REALLY rushed to get back to the bridge I thought we might get to see the train cross....but it was across the river. Turns out that bridge we walk under turns into the MCTrail.....trains don't use it anymore.

If it's not One Thing, It's Another.

I swear. It's impossible to get anything done around here!

After hosing out a basement rug, I made my mid-afternoon cup of tea. I got out the cream and big clumps fall into my tea.

Ack. I just drank that this morning! After a few brief moments of hysteria I realize it's not rotten cream (after all, it's CoffeeMate. Which is non-dairy...non....everything. I don't know what that stuff is...but it sure is good in tea!) it's frozen cream.

Something is going very wrong with our fridge. I've been noticing normal things (like the ice tea) getting some ice in them, so I've been turning the temp down. As of this morning, it was on 1. That's as low as it can go and still be on. When I got my frozen cream out, it was still cooling. I turned it off, then back on....and it stopped cooling. Hopefully it will start up again when it needs to.

That fridge is not very old either. Maybe 6 years? Worthless junk. I have a chest freezer in the basement that is at LEAST 40 years old. It works great. I guess they just don't make things like they used to.

We also had another impromptu project this weekend. The bathroom fan part of the fan/light fixture in the upstairs bathroom (the only usable one for just a few more weeks!) burnt up. We were afraid the motor might still be working and it could start a fire.

So off we went to Lowes to pick up a new one. I was a little excited, because I've secretly always hated that ugly thing. Chris wasn't so excited. He knew that he's be installing the thing since I don't deal with electricity. Plus I'm too short for overhead work.

We make our way to the "Bathroom Light and Fan" aisle and Jordan commenced pushing ALL the buttons and giving his opinion on which sounds best. The baby was amused. Chris and I then had to argue over a fan.

He wanted one just like the fugly thing we were taking out of there. There most basic model costs $36, but was no use to us since it was a low flow fan. That window has no window, so the fan is the only ventilation. The next fugly model was $56. The very nice modern fixture I was eying up cost $88. Chris said there was no way he was spending that much money on a bathroom light, we would get the fugly one. I said that there was no way I was wasting almost $60 on something that looks like it had been pulled out of a double wide when for $30 more we could have something that looked decent. He saw reason in that statement and we got the nice one. Understated and modern. Not trailer trash.

Later in the evening I took the kids out in the yard to garden and he got to work. 90 minutes later (after only one consultation from me!) we had a very nice, new, working bathroom light and fan. And three gouges in the vinyl floor. Chris has no clue how those got there. They definitely did NOT get there when he threw the old fixture to the floor in a manly display of anger when he finally wrestled it from the ceiling.

In any case, I'll be shopping for some new bathroom rugs this week. I'm going to re-do that bathroom in jungle frogs for the kids(mostly because the Frog Pod that I can't stop thinking abot!), so I'm thinking Lily Pad rugs. The search is on!

I Hate the WESTEST!

I'm not fond of standardized testing by any means....but I do see a purpose in things like the ACTs, SATs, those kind of college prep tests.

I seriously hate the WESTEST though.

First off, my kid stopped learning anything new as of the end of March. That's where the WV school year effectively ends now. From that point on, everything it "reviewing for the WESTEST". No new stories are read, no new vocabulary words, no new math applications, nothing.

Plus, I feel like they really rush through some concepts (uh, like fractions!) in order to finish learning everything early. I mean, the WV CSO's are designed for a 9 month school year. If you squeeze them all into 6 months, then you're going to rush through something. That's if you don't miss almost the entire month of February due to City water problems.

Lastly, when this test is over on Thursday, my kid is done. No matter that school isn't over until June 11 or something like that.....the WESTEST is over, so there will be no more learning this year! This last month of school, traditionally spend on an end of the year review so that kids retain knowledge for next year.....nope, it's break time baby! Recover from the WESTEST time! We really don't give a crap if they actually learn it or retain the knowledge, just that they meet AYP (Adequate Yearly Progress) on the WESTEST.

So they start reviewing in April. They re-arrange the class schedule so that they have big block of review time. They hold assemblies and pep rallies to tell the kids how important the WESTEST is (ie, stress them the crap out!) I mean, it does go on your PERMANENT RECORD. It stays with your the REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Students are told to be in bed BY 8:00 each night (okay, no biggie, his bedtime is usually 9:00). To get up early and eat a healthy breakfast (not that crappy cereal your mom gives you on regular days...and I thought Life was healthy...). To wear school colors every day to encourage everyone to do their best (like mornings aren't crazy enough without finding out at 8:10 that my kid needs a yellow shirt). To take their time on the test (first on done gets detention).

From a teacher's perspective, I still hate this stinking test. They whole school year revolves around it. A teacher's success is found in not how well they teach or inspire their students, but how well they teach to a test. How well they teach kids to TAKE a test. And frankly, by the quality of kids in your classroom.

You can read all the inspirational books you want. Watch Lean on Me a million times. But there are still going to be kids that don't give a crap. They won't participate in even the most fun assignments. They won't complete classwork even if you do it together. You can forget about homework. And tests, they are just random fill in the dot coloring pages. If they even take the time to do it at all.

I'm not talking about kids with learning disabilities. I'm talking about plain old lazy, I don't care about school kids. They get younger and younger each year. And don't bother talking to a parent about it, because YOU are the teacher, it's YOUR job to teach them. Not the parent's fault if they won't complete home work. I mean, parents can barely control them the 6 or so hours they are at home, now they are supposed to care what's going on when they aren't at home. Not very likely!

If we want to talk about kids with learning disabilities, let's talk about how they are hurt by our "New and Improved" educational system. There are NO levels of classes any more. Everyone is lumped together in one class. You know, so they can receive a fair and equal education. Except, I don't think we're looking at this the right way. Sure, every student is given the EXACT same experience. But I don't view that as fair OR equal. Because some kids require more attention from a teacher to learn certain things. Which is easier to do in a classroom with 10 kids than it is in a classroom with 32. This goes for students with learning disabilities, gifted students who need more advanced work, and completely normal, nothing different about them at all students who just need some extra help in one subject or another.

So now we put them all in the same room. We have your Special Education (we call them Title One here in WV) teachers come into the classroom and assist the classroom teachers. Sounds great, right?

Two reasons why this doesn't work. First, there aren't enough Title One Teachers. They rotate between classrooms, teaching a class here and there. It works okay up to the 4th grade (when kids are with the same teacher all day) but after that, they rotate classes. Since there is not a Title One teacher in every classroom all of the time, there are often students who need extra help who go through the whole day without a single class where there is extra help. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

The other reason is scheduling. Not only are there not enough teachers to go around, but these teachers are expected to team teach with the classroom teacher. Only due to the schedule, they don't have the same planning period. Plus the Title One Teacher has to teach in 6 different classrooms throughout the day. 6 different teachers to collaborate with. Can you see how this doesn't work? It ends up being 45 minutes of the classroom teacher teaching math, then 45 of the Title One teacher teaching math (because we now have 90 minute blocks of math and reading, but the Title One teachers rotate in 45 minutes intervals so that they can get to more kids.

So take any kid (with a learning disability or one who is just struggling in general) stick them in a classroom with 32 other kids, throw in a handful of behavior problems (read, kids who have never been disciplined in their life and aren't about to start behaving now!) for 6 months. Then give them a huge, hyped up, standardized test. Show me how No Child gets Left Behind.

Now, my kid will do fine on the WESTEST. He's a smart kid. Reads well above level (which is a huge part of the test). Does okay on math. He's a good test taker. He'd do a heck of a lot better if it were not for our education system just about giving him an ulcer over it.

Curb Appeal!

Okay guys, I need some feedback! I need some ideas.

I've spent a lot of time this spring working on the outside of the house. I think it's finally starting to look decent!

Now I need to do something about our deck. It's a great deck, was a big selling point when we bought the house. It's basically like having an extra room on our house during the summer months. I haven't gotten all my cushions and curtains out because it's been a workshop while finishing the bathroom. Tile saws are messy, but we're almost done with that portion of the project!

I spent a good amount of time figuring out how to get my morning glories to climb our wooden fence. I love the look of hanging baskets and flowers on a fence....but let's face it...those can be pricey. I'm really trying to save money this year. So I got a $1 seed packet of morning glories, wrapped the posts in string (which will hopefully get hidden quickly as the vine grows!). Then I noticed we would have a problem when trying to trim around the fence.....no way to weed eat the grass, but not the flowering vine. So I cut plastic planters and attached them to the posts with tack nails, then planted the Morning Glories inside of those. They have no bottoms, to the roots can grow down and out, but the vines won't get cut with the trimmer. Here's what I ended up with:




My new conundrum is what to do around the deck. The lattice is old and falling apart....plus it's a pretty dated look. I need things that are relatively inexpensive, and pretty maintenance free. Kind of impossible, but here's that I'm thinking. Also, I must get rid of the dirty white stone. I don't like them around the porch at all. Depending on how I'm feeling, I may scrub it up nice and use if to fill the center of the driveway. Maybe. I'm not really fond of it.

Front of the porch. The porch is off to the side of our house, this part is visible from the street. I'm thinking some more of my tall grasses here, and more daisies. I just love that stuff. Plus, one day, far into the future, we hope to have a hot tub out there. Sorry, but this deck is just MADE for a hot tub. The grasses would offer a little more privacy most of the year.


Side of the porch. This side borders on our crabby old neighbor's house and gets NO direct sunlight. I'm thinking hostas here. The big, dark green ones, with just a few of the smaller, more ornamental ones throw in.


Back of the porch. Here's where I need your help. I just don't know.



As you can see, there's really not a lot of room between the porch and the swingset. So I can't have anything (like those big green hostas) that takes up a lot of space.

This is also the part of the porch that has the most lattice. You can see under it, and it's nasty in there. They covered the small, old (brick and tile) porch with plastic before building the deck over it. The plastic is disintegrating. There are also a few strange pipes sticking out and a rusty old dumptruck way under there. Both of my kids have wanted that nasty thing, I have no clue why. I'm not real into crawling under there myself to get it and trash it, so it's stayed under there. And don't get me started on the Virginia Creeper. THE CREEPER.... (sorry, you must have watched Scooby Doo as a child to really get that one)

I'm thinking I'm going to have to replace the lattice here. And maybe just mulch. If I can find a vine that can be well contained (ie, doesn't try to take over my whole porch) maybe I'll put some of that in, or maybe just some sturdy ground cover. But I don't know. It gets very little sun. What do you think?

** Sorry about those pictures! I didn't get around to taking them until twilight.

Sausage Roll

Over on the WV Bloggers board we've been having a discussion on what it THE WV food. Since the board is overpopulated by southerners.....they are saying bean and cornbread. (Ewww)

Sorry guys, no matter what the polls say, it's Pepperoni Rolls. Invented in WV still can't get them anywhere else. I'm not giving out a recipe, because it's pretty simple. Take some pepperoni, roll it in bread dough, bake. Your product will only be as good as the ingredients you put in it.

Today, we're talking about Sausage Roll. My family loves this stuff. It's an idea I got from my mom, but have adapted a little to make it easier.

You will need:

Some breakfast sausage (browned and crumbled). I don't know how much. Whatever comes in a normal size tub.

A can of French Bread Dough

6 slices cheese (We like Velveeta, but also do cheddar. Any cheese will do though).

Okay, so you've crumbled and browned the breakfast sausage. Drain it well.

Open the can of dough. Unroll it (just look for the seam, it's rolled up jelly roll style). Lay flat. Cover with cheese, leaving about an inch at the end clean for sealing.

Put the sausage on top of the cheese. Try to make it a pretty even layer. Again, leave that inch at the end.

Get that inch at the end slightly wet, roll the whole thing back up and pinch closed. Back seam side down according to the french bread dough directions.

Let cool slightly.

If we're having this as a main course for a meal (it's great for breakfast with eggs, or dinner with macaroni) then I slice it about 1 inch thick. If we're having it as a snack or I'm putting it out as a party appetizer, I slice it more thin.

Hmmm, I'll have to add some pictures to this post so you can see just how yummy this thing looks. I guess that means we'll be having sausage roll for dinner soon!

He'd forget his head, if it wasn't attached.

This is what I tell Jordan's teacher as I drop his forgotten lunch off for the 47th time this year.

"Yeah, we've figured that one out too" She smiles and replies. Seriously, he'd be walking around like this:

Instead, he just takes funny pictures of himself with my MacBook camera and runs around forgetting some very important, non-attached things. Lunches, homework, money, socks...

Celia has a great time taking the lunch to his school. She feels like a real big girl. We don't stick around long though, because we had important stuff to do.

Like sit in my fancy smancy lawn chair and take pictures of Celia running around the yard and playing with the hose.


I know, I know, big waste of water. Not an environmentally friendly activity. In my defense, I only turned the water on a trickle and turned the hose on mist. Mostly so she couldn't spray me, but it did also help conserve water.



Oh, but my fancy smancy chair....boy do I love that thing! It's a cross between a folding camp chair and a lounge chair. It's heaven....in aluminum and mesh. We bought it when I was about 4 month pregnant with Celia. We were walking through Sams Club, and I spotted it. After 4 months of battling a rather wretched case of morning sickness (that lasted all dang day) in front of equally wretched middle school kids......I wanted nothing more than to sit in it. I gave Chris my "I really need that chair" eyes and told him my summer plans entailed sitting in THAT chair, in the shade, and not moving for 3 months. I think I even gagged a little, just to get the point across.

So we bought the chair, and I did sit in it all summer. We even took it to the beach and he carried it down there for me every day. And it's been sat in every summer since.

Okay, I have to rant about shorts. I just want to buy a nice pair of shorts. No one sells nice shorts this year.

Well, that's not true. I found some really nice ones at Banana Republic, but I'm not paying that much for a pair of shorts. Especially ones that may not look that great on me. I'm not quite as tall and leggy as the models they use....plus I sure won't be wearing heels with them!

Because I did go try on some shorts. The breezy cotton gauchos that look so comfy and cute. They made my butt look to be the size of New Hamphire! it was awful. I was embarrassed to be wearing them in front of my toddler in a locked dressing room.

I looked at some other shorts. They were so tiny I could have tanned my butt cheeks while wearing them. No thanks.

So I'm stuck with my breezy skirts....which I really like. I got two last year form Gap that I love. They are reversible....so it's really two skirts in one! Stretchy smocked waistline....very forgiving of the extra ice cream I might like to eat. Casual enough to wear over my swimsuit, still dressy enough to wear to church.

They do have a really irritating habit of flying up and (hmmm, how did Dave Mathew's say it...) showing my world, well, to the world at large. In the parking lot of Burger King nonetheless, while trying to change my toddler in my friend's Suburban as she is doubled over in laughter at my backside flashing all of Sabraton while I try not to drop my squirming toddler in an effort to cover my own butt.

Thank goodness I've never been one of those trendy, thong wearin' mamas!

I guess I'll just make sure all my panties match my outfits again this year....or at least until I can find some good shorts.

Thanks Mom, Marrow Donor Drive!

Here's your chance!

If you missed it last time I blogged about becoming a marrow donor, now you have a another shot!

This is a big deal folks....you could save someone's life!

How many chances do you have to do something that big for another person? Unless you're a doctor, policeman, paramedic, fireman, or one of those other lifesaving professions that I'm forgetting, not too often.

It takes no skill, so special training. You don't have to spend years in medical school or jump into a burning building.

All you have to do is register to be a marrow donor. This week, in honor of Mother's Day (this Sunday, get me something nice, hint hint) you can register for absolutely free! Some nice person somewhere is paying all the lab costs for you to get registered. Isn't that nice of them?

So come on, do it for me. As your Mother's Day gift to me (no, I don't need bone marrow). I know, I'm not your mom, or the mother of your children (except for Chris, who does read this, but I already made him sign up. So he actually has to go out and get me something. He'll tell you how painless and easy it is to register.) But it's important to me. So do it already!

All you have to do is go HERE to register. Somewhere in that process (near the payment end) it will have a field for a promotional code, so here it is:

thanksmom0507e

Get everything filled out and in a few weeks you'll get some more information and some extra large Q-Tips. All you have to do is wiggle them around on the inside of your mouth, send them back, and go on with your life.

You'll probably never hear from them again.

But one day, you might get a call, and you could save the live of someone's mother. Or their child, father, sister, brother, boss, friend, or crabby neighbor. And you will feel really good about it.

So do it!!!

Woozy at the Dentist's Office.

Jordan had his big dental appointment this morning, the one to get his mouth all ready for braces. He had an extra tooth that needed to be removed, plus some cavities (he inherited my weak, deeply grooved teeth...poor kid). Anyway, we knew he was going to need to be sedated for the tooth removal and decided to all the unpleasant things (molds of his mouth for braces, a cavities, etc) at once.

We're kind of doing it step by step because, well, it's costly. We have dental insurance, be we still can't afford to do all of it at once. And the biggie that the insurance won't cover is sedation. But my little guy has worked up a serious case of anxiety over this....plus....no way would I get a tooth pulled while wide awake. I'm not going to expect my kid to do it. So we got all the nasty stuff taken care of while he was drugged up.

We scheduled it first thing this morning because he couldn't eat for 12 hours beforehand. He wakes up ravenous each day, so we figured the sooner we get it over with, the better. That meant all of us had to be out the door at 6:50 this morning, a full 40 minutes before we're usually awake.

He did great though! We admitted afterwards that he cried some during the shots, but that he didn't even feel anything else. He's still pretty dopey, and starved. He's done nothing but eat. And drink Coke. He never gets it, but the dentist recommended it and said to give him as much of anything he wanted to drink, so he's working his way through a two-liter. And loving every minute of it.

But the wooziness....oh it was awful. We went in the little consultation room for post-op instructions and such. She started talking about oozing and clots.....oh my. My ears started ringing, my face was tingling.......I had to ask her to stop talking and put my head between my knees for quite awhile. (What, you thought I was talking about the kid being woozy? The one who just had 2 hours of dental work and is doped to the gills? No, he's fine....)

So fine in fact that when I told the girl I was feeling woozy, he scooted fast as a cat to the other end of the bench, just in case there was some puking. No one wants to sit next to their mom when she pukes (though I wasn't feeling like THAT at all, just like I was about to hit the floor), even if they are floating on cloud nine!

Celia also had her very first cleaning. I made it through that one fine (as did she).

We're done with the dentist now for at least a month.

An Impromptu Project

After a perfectly peaceful evening of family fun in the backyard, we all tumbled in the house and got into our "calming down for bed" routines. Chris took the baby up to the bath and Jordan and I were just laying around in the living room.

About 8:20, the doorbell rings. It's hand-in-the-pants boy (with both hands in view today) and his older (like, I'm thinking 14) brother. They want to know if Jordan can come out and play. Uh, no. I don't even know you. Plus, bedtime at my house is 9:00.

Five minutes later it rings again. This time it's little dude (who I'm grudgingly starting to like), wanting to borrow Jordan's bike. Uh, no. That's just not something we lend out.

So I go in the kitchen to make my evening cup of tea and glance out the window to find hand-in-the-pants boy and his brother rolling around in our yard.

I walked out on the porch and said "Um, you boys need to go home. You can't play out here when we aren't in the yard" (Or, like, even when we are because I don't like you)

Blank Stares. Nothing.

"Seriously, go home. You can't play in here when we aren't out. It's not proper!"

This is met with the exaggerated sighs and arms in the air as they huff out of my yard. I'm sorry, I don't put up with that attitude from my own kids who I know and love....much less some random brats who think I'm running a public playground.

Then I realize they have drug out a bunch of our toys and looped the swings around the playset.

So now I'm heated. Furious. I make Chris empty out the Honda and find a Lowes that's open late. I retrieve some fence sections and other gate making materials in short order. Those poor Lowes guys. They're trying to close up shop and I'm making them shove fence sections into our tiny CRV. They did it with a smile though.

So here's our weekend project. Saturday all that got done was Chris drilling a hole in the concrete of the driveway, filling it with epoxy, and sticking a threaded rod in it. (The epoxy hat to set up for 12 hours) Then we played in the yard.

Jordan and I decorated the swingset with chalk and he practiced his ninja/monkey moves.



Celia didn't sleep well and was in an all around great mood!



I weeded a bunch. Here's the current state of my garden. I was inspired by Barbie Girl and my Turkey Mama friend Lee and planted tomatoes and basil in some of the driveway pots last week.

Then Jordan banged his hip on a beam and we retired to the house.

Oh yeah. Here's another reason for the gate. Hand-in-the-pants boy had a big, mean, barking dog that they leave tied up outside all of the time. Why would you get a dog and do that to him? Anyway, he is not a happy camper and I'm just waiting for the day he breaks loose and goes on a mauling the neighbors frenzy. Not in my yard puppy.


Plus he barks. All. Day. Long. Unfortunately my gate isn't going to do crap for that.

Sunday, after we got Celia down for her nap, the real work started. We got one section of fence hung, then Chris had to cut the top of the rod off at the right height.



Yow. Those sparks were hot and I had to move. How do you like my hubby's work face? Home improvement makes him crabby.



Then we got the other section up and put the latches on it. But we messed up and couldn't close the gate, so we had to take them off and start again. Re-do!



Oh, and my friend Heather made me this super cute tool-belt. Isn't it the greatest thing ever? The only tools I keep in it are the phone and a pair of scissors, but I feel very domestic and handy when wearing it. Hubby suggested once that I lose my pants and just wear the toolbelt....but I think he was under the influence of the ghetto rap blaring from hand-in-the-pants boy's house. I let him know in no uncertain terms that wasn't going to happen.



There is is. A finished gate. Take that you miscreant punks.


Stay outta my yard!

What Dreams May Come....and Why I Can't Watch The Daily Show.

I've always been prone to having hilariously weird, non-sensical dreams. I think it's because I eat junk food right before going to bed (also why I'm getting chubby).

Anyway, I had a conversation with my best friend about dreams yesterday and have decided to share with you some of the most memorable ones.

First, the one I called her to chat about, a dream I had Thursday night. I called her about it, because her kid was in it and I thought she ought to know.

We were getting ready for a soccer game. Only the soccer complex was out behind the new Super Walmart (you know, home of my recent identity crisis?). And Chris worked at Walmart, he was like a regional manager or something. Help us all.

Anyway, the game was getting to start to I ran across all the field to try and get Chris to come out and watch. He would not, and I ran all the way back out there. By the time I got to the field, I found the game was starting, but we only had 5 players. (U-10 plays with 6 on the field) so my friend had put her 3 year old in so that we didn't have to forfeit.

Oh, and this team we were playing, they were high school boys. Big high school boys.

So I'm just watching the game in shock and panic. Right before the 3 year old has to do a throw in, another one of my kids gets there so I'm standing on the sidelines with him screaming "Sub! Sub!" at the red because I KNOW she can't keep both her feet down for that throw in.

Anyway, half time rolls around and the boys come over and I wildly congratulate them because the other team has only scored once, and I say "Good job boys, I though we were going to get CRUSHED". What a stupid thing to say to a bunch of little boys. Thank goodness this is where I woke up.

Then she told me about her crazy dream Thursday night. It made her a little uncomfortable, so to make her feel better I told her about one of the worst, most mortifying dreams I've ever had.

See, I was having.....ummm.....relations............... with Jon Stewart. And he was totally not into it. And in his very clear, to the point but still sarcastic way, he was telling me just how I was NOT doing anything for him. A most certainly "It's not ME, it's YOU moment." But I just kept well.....doing what we were doing......determined to change his mind. Jon eventually got really angry, because frankly, I was wasting his time.

I used to love watching The Daily Show. It's news....but it's funny. What could be better than that?

But now every time I turn it on, I see nothing but the stern judgement of Jon Stewart.

To make matters worse, that man has a really irritating habit of showing up in other places. Things I want to be watching.

Like the Grammys.

And to make it worse, the very first thing he did was participate in a skit that ended with him standing on stage in his underwear.



That one right there sent me screaming from the room until everyone obliged me and turned the channel.

Can someone please tell Jon to keep his dang clothes on and stay off of network tv?

A Pain in my Neck!

Stress does weird things to you as you get older. This week I have a new one (for me). It is quite literally a pain in my neck.

It was fine all day yesterday (you know, when I had the opportunity for a free massage). And it felt fine this morning.

Then I had to hang a shelf. I think I've mentioned before that I am shelf hanging impaired. I have a real problem with the whole "straight and level" thing.

I may have also mentioned that the very pretty shelf I had hanging over the desk upstairs fell (the cheap bracket broke right in half!) two weeks ago....about 2 second after Jordan walked under it. Half a step slower and the kid would have had a concussion. But he was having a lucky day and made it out alive....though terribly frightened.

This shelf had been home to everything I didn't want Celia to have: pens, pencils, markers, scissors, envelopes, the few paper bills we still get, paper cutter. All that fun stuff. Luckily, I had an extra shelf just sitting around, looking for a home.

I've been asking Chris to hang it for me, but he hasn't gotten around to it. This morning I took the phone bill and markers away from Celia for the millionth time and had had enough. I decided to try and hang the shelf myself.

Target made the whole "straight and level" thing really easy for me. This is a floating shelf. You screw a long internal bracket to the wall, then put the shelf on. So all I had to do was hold the bracket up, with a level on top, and screw the thing in.

Easy as pie.

But then I couldn't get the danged shelf to hook on. And you can't see back there to figure out WHY it wouldn't hook on. I may not have uttered any swear words, but I sure was thinking them!

About the 47th time that dang shelf slipped off the bracket and almost crashed into the computer monitor and printer, that pain in my neck decided to show up.

Dang it.

Anyway, I finally got the up, just in time for a friend to come over and play. I abandoned all housework and took the girls outside.

First, we had to check out the pink flowery bush thing .



Then we had to swing a little. First, like mature ladies.


Then Celia had to swing on her belly like a crazed monkey. Not that you can tell it from this picture.....but I like it anyway.


Then we had to get out some chalk and color on the playset. Now, last year I painted some plywood with chalkboard paint and hung it in there. The boys have decorated it with sweet sentiments like "Stay Out" and such. The girls are happy to just scribble all over the playset.


Finally it's time to come in and eat. She's getting tired. I just love those little wisps of hair on her face!