What Dreams May Come....and Why I Can't Watch The Daily Show.

I've always been prone to having hilariously weird, non-sensical dreams. I think it's because I eat junk food right before going to bed (also why I'm getting chubby).

Anyway, I had a conversation with my best friend about dreams yesterday and have decided to share with you some of the most memorable ones.

First, the one I called her to chat about, a dream I had Thursday night. I called her about it, because her kid was in it and I thought she ought to know.

We were getting ready for a soccer game. Only the soccer complex was out behind the new Super Walmart (you know, home of my recent identity crisis?). And Chris worked at Walmart, he was like a regional manager or something. Help us all.

Anyway, the game was getting to start to I ran across all the field to try and get Chris to come out and watch. He would not, and I ran all the way back out there. By the time I got to the field, I found the game was starting, but we only had 5 players. (U-10 plays with 6 on the field) so my friend had put her 3 year old in so that we didn't have to forfeit.

Oh, and this team we were playing, they were high school boys. Big high school boys.

So I'm just watching the game in shock and panic. Right before the 3 year old has to do a throw in, another one of my kids gets there so I'm standing on the sidelines with him screaming "Sub! Sub!" at the red because I KNOW she can't keep both her feet down for that throw in.

Anyway, half time rolls around and the boys come over and I wildly congratulate them because the other team has only scored once, and I say "Good job boys, I though we were going to get CRUSHED". What a stupid thing to say to a bunch of little boys. Thank goodness this is where I woke up.

Then she told me about her crazy dream Thursday night. It made her a little uncomfortable, so to make her feel better I told her about one of the worst, most mortifying dreams I've ever had.

See, I was having.....ummm.....relations............... with Jon Stewart. And he was totally not into it. And in his very clear, to the point but still sarcastic way, he was telling me just how I was NOT doing anything for him. A most certainly "It's not ME, it's YOU moment." But I just kept well.....doing what we were doing......determined to change his mind. Jon eventually got really angry, because frankly, I was wasting his time.

I used to love watching The Daily Show. It's news....but it's funny. What could be better than that?

But now every time I turn it on, I see nothing but the stern judgement of Jon Stewart.

To make matters worse, that man has a really irritating habit of showing up in other places. Things I want to be watching.

Like the Grammys.

And to make it worse, the very first thing he did was participate in a skit that ended with him standing on stage in his underwear.



That one right there sent me screaming from the room until everyone obliged me and turned the channel.

Can someone please tell Jon to keep his dang clothes on and stay off of network tv?