The Green-Eyed Monster

That's right, this week we were talking about envy (week 4 of Chestnut Ridge's series Seven). Another one of those biggies that I think everyone struggles with now and again.

It was particularly pertinent to me in light of several events of my week and conversations I had. Lots of friends read and were bothered by an "anonymous" response to one of my blogs and questioned why I put negative stuff out there (not primarily I hope, but on occasion).....and open myself up to such comments. Aside from the personal cathartic reasons, I do it because it's real. I've talked to so many women who struggle with feelings of envy and inadequacy....over someone else's "perfect" life. So I want what I write to be real. I've got a great life. Great husband, nice house, wonderful kids, an adequate amount of money, health. But sometimes I fight with my husband, have a messy house, get frustrated with my kids, stress over finances, and I get sick. Those aren't the norm, but they do happen......and I don't want to pretend that they don't. It perpetuates this false sense of perfection that we see EVERYWHERE. So many women get brought down because you watch tv, and every thing is perfect. On all the mommy boards on the Internet everyone post photos of their huge, spotless houses, talks of their perfect children, and how they never fight with their husbands.

Well who wouldn't want that? Who wouldn't envy someone who has all that? I know I did! The first time I was even invited to the home of someone I knew from church was so overwhelming to me (keep in mind, I was pregnant here, so hormones certainly factored into this). She had this gorgeous house, perfectly kept. Nicely decorated. It was a scrapbook party....something I had no experience with. So we spent an hour in this perfect house, making these cute little pages to hold 5 picture. One hour....5 pictures. And the whole time I'm sitting there thinking.. "Where do they all find the time to do this? I mean, how many pictures do I have sitting in boxes at home? I don't have the time to do this! And this house! How does she have the time to keep it looking this great? How could they afford all this? What am I doing wrong? My house will never look like this! I'll never have the time to so this scrapbooking stuff!. What are they doing that I'm not?"

And I came home just completely upset over the whole thing. Crying my eyes out asking Chris what in the world I was doing wrong. And he's just baffled......doesn't get it at all. He's just shaking his head trying to do anything he can to calm his pregnant wife. Before retiring to the bedroom, I bawl at him to "get that scrapbook page out of my sight....it's just a blaring reminder of what a failure I am". He obliges and I've never seen it since.

The funny thing is......I was envious of something I already had. Someone's "company face". You know, that good deep clean, spiff the place up, put a smile on your face because someone's coming over? Well, shoot, I already have that! We do that all the time. I have been known to have people over, and they have been known to think I have a cute little house. I like my house! Why in the world did I want someone else's that bad? Who knows. I'd like to blame it all on raging pregnancy hormones....but I think they just brought out a feeling that was there all along.

I like to think my eyes have opened a little since then.....I still have moments where I start to do that.....to be envious of the blessings of others. But then I realize I have quite a few of them myself.

And I used this to better my own life. Not in a "keeping up the Jones" kind of way.....but I learned to scrapbook and I REALLY like doing it. I now have several nice albums that my kids love to look through and see their special pages. We've started remodeling some rooms in our house. Not so it looks nicer when we put on our "company face".....but just to make the most of what we have. We're doing it ourselves and learning a lot in the process (let me clarify...I ripped down some walls, Chris did the ceiling, and we bought a bunch of stuff. Chuck has taken over rebuilding the shower, but is almost done so I can take over again soon). Lots of this stuff I never thought I could do....never tried because I didn't want to mess something up....to have it not be perfect. But I don't think there really is a perfect. There's just stuff you can do, and some you can't. And most of the time you can do a lot than you thought you could....before you tried it.

Anyway, back to the church service....I liked it, thought it was very good. Chris thought it was the best he has seen yet. We were both blown away by the special music. Lauren Byrer sang a song that fit the topic of envy so well. Just a perfectly expressed feeling and cry of help for this struggle. And it was GOOD. I mean, the song and musically good, plus she's got a great voice and sang it really well. She and Chris kind of knew each other (she used to work at his company) so we spoke with her a few minutes after church (she's a super sweet person, btw!) about the creative process that goes into all this....which is something I've been wondering about. They have a whole creative team that gets together and brainstorms and plans services together, which is an awesome resource in itself. They were having a real hard time finding a song they liked for special music illustrating Envy.....so Karen Haring (music director, wife of the senior pastor) wrote it! This is a serious song now....not some "we needed a song about envy so I wrote one fluff". I'm thoroughly impressed.

While at first I was a little overwhelmed by the hugeness of Chestnut Ridge....that's dissipating now. Each week we seem to run into and talk to a member of the staff or leadership team...and I find them each to be a very friendly, well-spoken person that I would like to spend more time talking with and getting to know!

Leaving you with one of the scriptures from service....

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13