That's what I'm going to be doing today....just trying to get out of my bad mood funk.
Church was really the breaking point for me last night. I put the kids and all this stuff I needed to return to the church in the car, turned it on, and the "Check Engine" light was glowing bright orange. I've been having problems with it since...before Christmas...and have been asking Chris to take care of it. You can see how that has turned out.
Then I get to church and Celia is saying over and over "I want to stay with you mom". So I'm trying to drag her by the hand down the hall with me and hold this enormous box under the other arm (which is going numb) without dropping it. The very pushy children's church worker (that was one of the big reasons we left the church) walked past and said "Hi". So I gasped "hi" back...but apparently that wasn't good enough. She loudly says "Hello"....which I kind of ignored because I thought she couldn't be talking to me since we already did the polite exchange then she barks "Rebecca, I said hello to you!". So I stop (arm the the box is about to fall of and Celia valiantly trying to jerk the other one off), turn, and reply, "Yes, and I said hello back". As I continued down the hall to the information desk our very nice secretary said "Hi" and since I was no longer in any mood, I shouted "HI! WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU HEAR ME THERE!" Back at her. Everyone in the hall stopped and looked at me. So I'm going to call and apologise to her shortly....I'm pretty sure she knew why/what happened.....but still.....
Then on to do Chapter 2 of our marriage book. The one I suggested and enjoyed....and now feel it's a total waste of time for me to do with the class because my husband is not the least bit interested in participating. In fact, we've (or me, the kids just be default since they are stuck here with me) pretty much ceased to exist in his world....which was a nice haunting thought the whole time we were reading the chapter in class and working through the questions. Our assignment next week is to draw a picture about how our spouse was before marriage and another on how they are now. What can I possibly draw for this? Anything I would draw about how I really feel would be dismissed as false or irrational, he would just get mad anyway, so really, what's the point. If it's not going to help, what's the freaking point?
After church my very nice friend sent her very nice husband over to wrestle 40 lbs of cat litter out of my trunk so I could change the cat boxes and then he looked at my car a little. turns out most of my problem is that it has NO antifreeze. He, of course, has some at the ready and fixes my car up while I'm stand out there trying not to cry because I just feel so STUPID! I mean really.....40lbs isn't that much, I ought to be able to get that out on my own...and the car thing...it's not hard to check something like that. I'm not an idiot, and I should be able to figure out that if my freaking car overheats at every stoplight, you should check the fluid levels. Granted, both of these things fall under "Things Chris is supposed to take care of" category.....but it's before abundantly clear that he has no intention of doing anything about my car. So why didn't I do something about it before now?
Celia got up at 6:30 this morning after a very fitful night's sleep. She's just about as crabby and fussy as I am. I think we're going to lay on the couch and watch some cartoons and pray for an early nap.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Trying to get out of my funk.
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3 Comments:
If hubby is "Supposed" to do then what about you? From your blogs he works...alot ... what are you doing? Can't you figure out your own car? If you don't know about vehicles there are free classes for basic auto care....Yes in Fairmont WV.
How did the cat litter get into the car, most places I know don't load groceries or anything else for anyone. And if you are toting a toddler you are lifting more weight than that throughout the day. Why depend on someone to do something that you are more than capable of doing?
You really need to get a life and find something to do other than berate a husband that isn't around to see what you've written or how you feel about him. There will be a day that he won't be around...then what find a new one or depend on your neighbors to do it for you.
No sympathy for you girl...sooner or later the blog garbage will follow you...even to your home town.
Debated publishing this one. It's my blog, my thoughts....the good thing about that is I can decide what's on it. I may delete at some point (mostly because it's unsigned), but in fairness I let it post.
Most marriages have assigned "roles". He does work a lot, so I basically do everything else. Mutual agreement between the two of us is that he takes care of his cats, the cars, and a few other things.
Litter was in the trunk because we went shopping together. He put it in. Behind a pile of sound gear (also his). Friend/neighbor offered to have her hubby stop by and get it out (I could carry it, it was the up and out I couldn't do) I never claimed to be She-Rah. My toddler weighs 26lbs....and doesn't require much toting around.
I'm also aware of the simplicity of antifreeze in a car. Pretty sure I mentioned how stupid I felt for not realizing it. Or at least for not taking it to be repaired myself.
This is not a blind internet slam on my husband. He knows all about it and stops by frequently to read. I don't keep secrets from him. That goes for most anyone else I mention on this page.
In my "About Me" section, you'll find that I've linked my first post. This blog is my writing, my feelings and thoughts. Biased to a fault, subject to only my approval. I also mention something along the lines of us "learning to be married". We're both very strong willed people...our arguements don't mean that we don't love each other or that we're looking for an easy out on our commitment. They simply mean we are learning.
;-)
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