J and C and Me

Goodbye!

2007-07-27T15:08:00.001-05:00

Well, it's official!

I've decided to do my blogging at WordPress now.

Same old blog, slightly different address....so if you've linked me, could you update your links to my Wordpress page now? Thanks!

Everyone else....just move right along!

Trying out something new..

2007-07-21T23:51:00.000-05:00

...okay, I'm jumping on the bandwagon. All the cool kids are picking up and moving over to the Wordpress neighborhood, so I'm checking out some new digs.

Really though, what it comes down to is being able to print my blog (way back when I explained this..you know, Hubby's grandma and her journals and how I want to leave behind something for me kids to read and laugh about after I die, yada yada yada). I found out blogger doesn't work with companies that want to print and bind your blog, like all the others do.

Plus, I like 3 column templates. And I don't really "get" code. I'm sick of this vomit green hackjob that I've been stuck with.

So check out my wordpress page and tell me what you think. Should I stick with Blogger, or make the move?

(None of my links are over there yet, don't take it personally!)

What to do with this hair?!?

2007-07-21T09:03:00.000-05:00

Alright, so I'm trying to grow it out. Growing your hair out is never easy. It's just not. And it goes through all these awkward "I don't know what to do with this" stages. Which is where I am now.

Thursday night I had the tv on (because I was actually watching 30 Rock and Scrubs) and this show came on...now, I've never been a big Posh Spice fan (sorry, you can put out all the upscale lines of clothing and act as snooty as you want, but once you've done something like the Spice Girls, your name will always be Posh...and that's not a good thing, just in case you weren't sure).

But I do love her hair. I think it's really cute....and unfortunately very trendy. I usually don't "do" trendy hair....but I really like it. And I read up on the internet and it's rated "easy to take care of" which is really important to me....since I don't have a stylist to follow me around while I strike random poses around my house like Mrs. Posh does.

Since my hair was already such an "I don't know what to do with it" wreck. I trimmed up the sides a little so it looked cleaner and a little more angled down like I want it to me. I thought it was an improvement.

The hubby barely noticed (he did have quite a day...which I'll probably blog about because I doubt he will) and when I showed him the pictures of how I want it to look eventually he gave me a look like I was insane (or stupid) and said "but her hair is a lot longer than yours".

Yeah it is genius. That's why I'm growing it out.

Jordan's comments were, "I don't like that tattoo. And you don't have blond hair".

I have no support around here.

I hate gum...

2007-07-19T06:31:00.000-05:00

So does my husband. He hates it because he thinks it's a choking hazard. I hate it because it's nasty.

I think it started with the friend I had in high school. She had two habits that I just didn't understand: falling asleep with gum in her mouth, and forming attachments to random objects.

At least once a month she would call me crying, frantic because she had once again fallen asleep with gum in her mouth....and when she woke up the gum was all over the precious object of the week....the one she couldn't sleep or live without.

I don't know where her mom was in during all these gum fiascos. Maybe she was just as grossed out as I was and had previously washed her hands of the whole deal. But for whatever reason, I ended up being the go to person in removing gum.

And I hated it. It was nasty. And I don't care how long your freeze it, how much peanut butter you use, or what other miracle method you find....you can never truly remove gum from a teddy bear, a boyfriend's sweatshirt, or wubby. Why a 16 year old girl still needed a wubby was beyond me....but she still slept with it even after we couldn't get the gum off!

So when my oldest child went to school, and people started giving him gum....I was thoroughly grossed out. I don't like to hear the stuff being chewed. What's worse.....when you're done with it.....you have to do something with it. You have to spit it out.

Let's get one thing straight. I don't spit. Ever. Yuck. I don't like to watch people spit. Just seeing it is enough to make me gag.

So when my kids spits out gum, I want nothing to do with it.

I don't want anything to do with it when I find it on the floor BESIDE the trash.

I certainly don't want anything to do with it when I find it stuck to the wall. (to learn that it was stuck to the wall because DAD told him to put it there so they wouldn't have to pause the xbox to throw is away made steam come out my ears).

And I don't want anything to do with it when my kid comes to me because someone gave him the bright idea to put his gum behind his ear. You know, in his hair? The hair he was growing out last year. That was the final straw. No more gum in my house. He can have it when he's 18 and he moves out.

I still can't get away from gum though. On a recent outing with friends....the friends had brought along some bug spray for everyone to use at dusk. She pulled the bottle out of the bag and discovered her little girl had put her gum on the lid.....as a kind of holding spot for the gum. Everyone laughed and giggled as I retracted my outstretched hand and shied away from the contaminated spray.

It was rude, and I'm sorry.

But I can't help it.

I really hate gum.

And the Walls Came Tumblin' Down...

2007-07-18T11:14:00.000-05:00

Ugh. If it's not one thing it's another around here.

I simply can not keep up with the deficit of home improvements that we've gotten behind on around here.

I had totally planned to start remodeling my kitchen (as soon as I finish the downstairs bath. If I ever finish the downstairs bath). It's ugly. Real ugly.

But in my massive frantic attempt to try and get my house to look like....well....a nice house....if was trying to scrub our old, faded shower surround back to white (not going to happen) and noticed something. Something bad. The shower surround is not quite bug enough. And the edges of the wall near the shower that get damp every time someone showers...well, they've started rotting away.

What the crap am I supposed to do about that? Well, I know what I'm supposed to do...I'm supposed to fix it. But WHEN am I supposed to do that? I can't even finish the bathroom I am working on! I spend an hour scraping dried grout off the shower floor tiles (I'm sure I've ranted about that somewhere.....but if I haven't let me just say, PLEASE, if you're going to tile anything, start wiping the grout off right away. Do not wait. It's bad.) until I had blisters all over my hands. It's getting there...but it's a very slow, frustrating project.

And I can't rip one bathroom up until I have the other completely functional.

Meanwhile, the wall slowly continues rotting away.

So I'm trying not to completely lose it....trying NOT to think about the boiler that needs replaced, the shingles that have blown off the roof. The gutters that need cleaned (and repaired). The window in the basement that is broken. The floors that are scratched and nicked. The yard that needs mown, the gardens that need weeded, the basement that is leaky, the paint that needs touched up in almost EVERY room, the gas log that won't work, and the fact that every single closet is a disaster that needs cleaned and re-organized.

Today, I'm just going to try and concentrate on removing the coupon that Celia shellacked to the floor with milk last week (so everyone will stop walking in the door and trying to pick it up. Don't you think if I could pick it up, I would?)...scrape some more grout, and try and complete the 40 or so reports that I'm already behind on this week.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!

2007-07-17T07:44:00.000-05:00

I've got to say, when Chris came home work last week with tickets to see the Charleston Power....I though he was off his rocker. I'm sorry, but a 2 year old at a baseball game sounds insane to me.

But I was surprised.....we actually had a very pleasant evening!

We had a ton of extra tickets....which I gave away to some very happy people before we went into the park. I love giving stuff away!

The park itself is new....and very nice! We found our seats (Chris insisted on sitting right on the 3rd base line.) I decided to go get food and drinks for everyone....I'm better at carrying precariously balanced trays of food. Chris is better at keeping baseballs from bashing the baby's face in. So that deal worked for everyone.

Since the only thing I know about baseball is that you're supposed to eat peanuts and CrackerJacks....that's what we got.

They also had frozen lemonade....which sounded great o me. Turned out, it was better than I could have ever expected. Celia was engrossed in eating her lemonade for AT LEAST 45 minutes. It was awesome.

Really, I need to learn to make this at home.

I could get a lot more stuff done if she had frozen lemonade all day.

She did get a little restless near the end, but I took her up to walk her around the walkway. She thought that was cool....and everyone thought she was cute. Since it was Friday the 13th, the park promotion was for the kids to come in costume and trick or treat on the field after the game. So she was wearing her Mermaid costume.

The trick or treat thing was almost a disaster. The kids all had to have pre-registered and had a special ticket! (They didn't put that anywhere on the website!) There were lots of angry parents, but since Celia and I had found the fan services area during our walk, we all just went over there, a lady gave us some tickets, and off the kids went to get candy.

After that, there were fireworks. We were mildly concerned....since Celia spend all of the 4th of July in the house avoiding fireworks, but she actually did really well. Buried her head in Chris's neck for the loud parts, but no crying at all ("Hey, there's no crying in baseball!" I know, the game was over, but I just had to say it!)

Adventures in Charleston...

2007-07-15T19:30:00.000-05:00

This is the first of my three part blogging about our weekend. It's way too much to fit in a single post! At least with the time constraints I'm currently operating under!

So last week the hubby comes home with pile of tickets to a baseball game. The Charleston Power (minor league) and we started planning a trip. His company leases a rarely used apartment in town, so his boss gave him the keys and off we went.

About halfway there he says "Oh, I'm pretty sure the AC in the apartment won't be working....Boss had to call maintenance because there was a problem with it". Oh. Okay....well, it's not that hot anyway. Should be fine. "And I'm not sure that the cleaners have been in. Boss had his assistant call because he was worried that they hadn't been there in awhile". Erm...that's another story. But really, no one stays there. It's vacant most of the time. How bad could it be?

Well, first thing I did was check the sheets. No way am I sleeping on sheets that someone I don't know has slept on. They look....wrinkly. And they don't smell like fabric softener. So we rip those puppies off the bed and try to fit them in the teeny tiny washing machine. One. sheet. at. a time.

Now, keep in mind that my in-laws were joining us on this adventure. Since I have kids....my standards of cleanliness are lowered. I mean, my house isn't filthy...but there's usually stuff out and you can often find crumbs in one room or another. My mother in law....well, she hasn't had kids in the house for many years. Her house is always spotless (well, unless my kids are visiting to crumb it up...but even then it stays pretty clean). Therefore....if I'm appalled by the filth of the place.....you can guess that she's going to be WAY grossed out.

Being brave (and having to pee) I peeked in a bathroom, screamed "HOLY CATS" and ran the other way. It was bad. Real bad.

I became crystal clear that the cleaning service had indeed totally punked out on their duties...and I really hope the Boss hadn't been paying someone to clean....because if so, he was getting majorly ripped off.

Hubby thought I was over-reacting, so I sent him in to check things out. He starts explaining that the Charleston water is bad (ha, compared to Fairmont?) and peeks around the door. He shrieks his manly version of "HOLY CATS" and also runs the other way.

I brandished a toilet scrubber at him and sent him back in. I think he scrubbed the tub with it first. It was that bad.

So the two of us cleaned like mad people to get it looking some kind of livable before the in-laws showed up (though honestly, it was still pretty bad when they got there) and I made a mad dash to the mall (did I mention Celia peed through her PullUp while napping on the way down....and I'm so bright I only packed dresses instead of more pants).

I went out just in time to meet the in-laws, apologise in advance for the stench of the hallway (the neighbors had their garbage out there!!! What kind of crap is that?) and the over all condition of the apartment.....and have a discussion with the lady that apparently lives downstairs about over what MIGHT be dripping in her apartment. I don't know lady, I've been here for 15 minutes. Call maintenance, will ya?

So, mad dash to the mall. Luckily, I walked in the door of Macy's and found super sale. I grabbed some pants (and a cute Hello Kitty shirt.....sorry, but the pants didn't match the ones she had on. I had to do it!) and ran to the only open checkout on that floor.

Which was staffed by a 92 year old woman. Who was methodically slow about , removing from hangers, checking for sensors, folding, wrapping in paper, and bagging each of the 92 items the lady in front of me was buying (not that I blame her, it was a great sale!).

20 minutes later....mad dash back to the apartment, dump the girl in her new clothes (which she proclaims "beautiful"...thank you baby) and we're off to the baseball game! (More on the game later)

We didn't get back until very, very late. Part of the problem was that we needed milk. You can't buy milk in downtown Charleston at midnight. You just can't. We had to drive all the way down Kanawa Blvd to an Exxon where someone handed me milk though a pull out drawer. The hubby wouldn't even get out of the car because he was convince someone out "bust a cap at him". I reminded him that as an uptight, white yuppie.....he should just say "shoot me" to avoid sounding like an idiot.

So the next day we had a leisurely breakfast at Starbucks, had some fun in the city (more on that later too) and headed back to the apartment for a cleaning spree.

It took Chris and I about an hour and a half to get that apartment spic and span, sparkly clean. I started thinking about getting a smaller place then and there. No WAY could we do that to our house!!!

Once we had it all clean....boy it looked nice. Classy. The Boss has really good taste in furniture. No clutter anywhere.

So I came home from a very nice trip with an unhealthy case of envy and a desperate need to throw out ever piece of clutter in my life, to deep clean and re-organize every shelf, closet, nook, and cranny in my home.

See you in November.....

P.S. On the way home, we stopped for gas and Chris fell over himself trying to get away from this dead bug. Then he fell all over himself trying to gross me out with it. Please , please, please, for the love of all things good and pure, tell me that this thing was a stow away from Florida and arrived in our state already dead or something. If we have bugs like this here in my pleasant mountain home......I may have to move.

My Life - Soundtrack by the Beatles.

2007-07-12T21:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know with the volume of Beatles music, really, ANYONE could create a soundtrack to their life. But since my kids are so into it (that and freaking Rhinocerous Taps...and if I have to listen to that crappy cd one more time I'm going to drive off the overpass. Not really, but I hate that cd)....and we listen to the Beatles a lot........and I tend to be introspective while driving the car....there you have it. My life, by the Beatles.

So a few weeks ago it was Lady Madonna.....today was Help.

Which is kind of odd...because I had a pretty good day. Busy, but alright.

But we were out of the house all morning. Shopping (but not spending much money) and having an all around good time. I was really dreading coming home though.

The house is trashed. I just can't keep up with being a mom to my kids, driving Jordan to all his various things, shopping for the family, my new job, getting myself to the doctor, and keeping the house clean. So if something's got to go undone...it's the house.

Hey, I figure the laundry and toys will still be here tomorrow. And my kids don't seem to mind the clutter...

Anyway....Help is a very good song for that kind of thing. Because I remember (when I was younger so much younger than today) having one kid, who happened to be in school all day. Only having to vacuum once a week. To clean the kitchen once a day. To do laundry every week in a half.

It's not that the little one is so messy (well, I mean, she kind of is) but while I'm busy chasing her and cleaning up after her and trying to figure out where she put my glasses.....I can't...umm....gently remind....the boys to clean up their crap.

It's a mess around here...and I hate it.

So HELP, I need somebody, help, not just anybody. Help, you know I need someone....HELP!

Squatting in the Parking Lot

2007-07-10T22:47:00.000-05:00

Something in your life really changes when you start carrying an extra pair of someone else's panties in your purse....just in case.

No, my toddler hasn't started taking Alli. But when you have a newly potty trained toddler, you don't leave home without an extra pair. Let me tell you why...

My little girl has an aiming problem. She can sit all ladylike on the potty and shoot pee straight out onto the floor... (oh, the google hits those words will bring....go away you nasty pervs. There's nothing here for you here).

So we're at a really awesome church function, and the girl's gotta go. So we go.

I take her to the ladies room. I cover the automatic flush sensor with paper before she goes near the potty, because no one likes it to flush while they're sitting there. Especially my anti-loud-flush toddler.

We cram ourselves into the teeny tiny stall and she gets settled and starts to go.

The pee immediately shoots straight out, right at me. I squeal and jump out of the way, she screams and falls in the toilet.

That's right, my little sweetie in the toilet.

So she's screaming because her butt is in the toilet, there pee on the floor, pee on her skirt (thankfully, no pee in the toilet where her butt it).

I'm trying to tell her it's okay, it's going to be okay, while trying to get her out of the toilet.

Which is when I realize I left my purse (along with that emergency change of clothing) in the sanctuary. In the front of the sanctuary.

So I pulled her little skirt back on (because I had nothing else to do) and she duck walked back to the front of the sanctuary to get the dry clothes, then back to the bathroom to put them on.

Then we had a discussion about how she needed to finish peeing. No WAY was she going near that toilet. She tried to convince me that she'd just hold it until we got home. Well, I knew that wasn't going to happen.

So we came to a compromise...

I took her out the in the parking lot and we hid between a Suburban and a mini-van so she could finish the job.

I've got to get a travel potty.

Going Green

2007-07-09T20:10:00.000-05:00

The M household has become very (okay, slightly more) environmentally friendly as of late.

It's not that I'm worried about global warming....I think that's a bunch of bunk. But I'm all for preserving the environment (and not paying Allegheny Power out the whazoo).

So we've started replacing all our light bulbs with those super trendy, low energy, twisty twirly ones. I'm really into not changing a light bulb for 8 years. (Don't lecture me on the whole mercury thing. I've done my research and weighted the options).

Then, I decided to use re-usable shopping bags when I shop. Actually, I just needed a reason to buy these at IKEA. Aren't they the coolest bags ever?!? So no more of those plastic bags for us!

Then today, the kids decided to take the comforters and everything off the beds (instead of just the sheets, but hey, they did take the sheets off too!). Since it was supposed to be blazing hot...we decided to wash it all! Just wash it all and hang everything outside to dry...so by mid-morning everything that doesn't move on the porch and backyard was draped in sheets, comforters, and towels. We were very country. Very down home. Very environmentally friendly.

I feel almost like a hippy now! I mean, I haven't really shaved my legs since these hives won't go away. I even took my bra off (well, okay....I usually don't wear one around the house....and since that stinking doctor didn't call my back with a new appointment to get these hives looked at ...again....so I figured, what's the point of wearing one). Now we're hanging laundry in the yard!

So anyway....we spent the morning out in the yard. The kids ran around, hiding in sheets and towels. They played in the baby pool, ran in the sprinkler. Jordan and I sat in the shade and read books. It was great.

Valley Falls and Frisbee Golf

2007-07-08T22:04:00.000-05:00

The boys have a new hobby: Frisbee Golf. I don't know why George Costanza's "Frolf" didn't catch on as a name....but apparently, this is a real sport. We went to the sporting goods store and bought real discs to throw and everything. The .50 frisbees I found at Target just didn't cut it for this highly competitive game.

Anyway, between rounds of Frolf (as I will now be calling it), I drug the family to Valley Falls. It was a beautiful day on Saturday, but we didn't have time to go far. So I fed the troops some dinner and stuck them in the car.

After trekking back to the bathroom once, we finally crossed the train tracks (still active, one of my favorite parts of living in WV. I love the sound of the trains. Of course, we live across the river and up the hill....so the train sounds we get are pleasant.)

Then past the site of the old grist mill. Incidentally, that's just a fancy name for a place to grind grain into flour. Why couldn't they just call it that so I wouldn't have to google it?

Since we just got a considerable amount of rain, the falls were up a little. That means some fast, serious water. I gave the boy a good talk about how you don't even mess with water like that (swimming used to be allowed at the falls....but people died to often and now it's not. Still, every few years someone will fall in or slip on the rocks....and the outcome is never good).

Also....will someone please tell everyone to stop sending my husband shirts like this? It's bright yellow and says "ABC Affiliates are Great". Please, just send him a polo shirt please. The man will be a walking advertisement to anything....so let him do it in style.

Even Jordan sat still for a few minutes in awe of all that powerful water.

Man, that's some serious water.

Then we had to feed the geese. On the way out the door I discovered that the stale bread I'd been saving was looking a little....erm, green. In my panic (since I already told the kids we'd feed the geese) I grabbed a pack of stale tortillas and prayed that geese like tortillas.

They do. Even when a toddler lobs huge chunks in the water like some kind of edible frisbee.

Then we had to play on the swirly slide.

Then for my favorite (and my husband's least favorite) part of the evening: adventure and exploration!

When I was in college I used to picnic with a group of sorority sister (an academic one, FYI). Once, one of the girls promised she knew where a swimming hole (not in the dangerous falls river) was, and we hiked to it. I'm afraid that we hiked on the train tracks (umm, a bit of a no-no) so I wasn't about to break the law with kids in tow. We set off on the Rhododendron Trail which runs parallel to the tracks and the river. I figure we ought to at least be able to find it that way.....but I was pretty sure it was quite a hike.

In any case, we set off. Chris was convinced the trail was covered with snakes or bears and soon had the boy convinced of the same. We had to stop for a toddler pee-pee break and Celia managed to pee all over MY pants (but not hers). Finally, I got worried that my little girl might get tired (we didn't have the jogger stroller, so she was hiking too) and I didn't' want to go farther than I could piggy back her back, if need be.

She did quite well, though I did piggy back her just to get us out of there faster since the boys were having a complaining contest and getting on my last nerve. I can't wait to get the bike trailer so we can ride farther up the trail and maybe find that swimming hole.

And if any of my long lost Sigma Alpha Iota sisters are out there.....can you clue me in on how far it was....and what to look for to find it?

The Emperor's New Clothes

2007-07-07T14:54:00.000-05:00

Everyone who has ever been to my house knows that I love IKEA. And I've discovered that as far as IKEA goes, it's a love or hate relationship. There's no middle road.....

Well, last year for my birthday the Hubby and I borrowed a big ole truck and drove up to IKEA to purchase our first ever brand spankin' new couch. Since I had just painted my living room a beautiful (but impossible to match) shade of sage....I got a white couch and chairs.

I loved them. Everyone thought I was nuts for white furniture and kids...but such is the beauty of IKEA. You zip the covers off then throw them in the washing machine. They've been smeared with chocolate, colored on with pen, and had varies types of milk leak on to them.

I went through a very trendy monochromatic "everything but the sage walls must be black and white" thing.....and loved it.

But I'm kind of over it. Plus, I got new paint for the kitchen which is a slightly more grey shade of green. I've read that green shades are good for kitchens and you won't eat as much (must work only in the kitchen, because I've had no problem eating in the green living room)! Plus, the paint was only $5 a can.....and I'm getting frustrated trying to find accessories that match with sage.

Oh , and mom my was visiting...and we love to shop. Especially at IKEA. She mentioned last time she was up that she was driving this time so that she could be a few more things. So I started planning, and saving.

Because that's the other great thing about IKEA. For not very much money, I can buy all new couch and chair covers and it looks like I have brand new furniture. So that's exactly what I did.

Here's my new couch:

And the chairs:

And some fancy pillow covers to go with it:
Instant new look. Now if I can just get around to painting the living room that yellowy-gold that umm....it used to be before I painted it green, I'll be all set.

Oh, and my other big plan is to photoshop some pictures of the kids to look like comic book prints, blow them up, and put them on the wall. Very pop-art. I'm into pop-art now, having left monochromaticism behind.

You're Out of Touch

2007-07-07T08:04:00.000-05:00

I am at least.

Since Jordan has started swim team this summer, and I need to entertain my toddler there for an hour every day, Celia and I have done some exploring at Fairmont State.

Fairmont State is my alma mater. I enjoyed the school, I'm happy with the degree I got there. But I'm not calling it a University. It's just too pretentious. I can't do it. So I simply call it just Fairmont State.

I knew we were in trouble the very first day....the road that I used to take to the Feaster Center (where swim team is held), well, it just doesn't go there anymore. In fact, NO roads will take you through the middle of campus.

They will take you right to the new parking garage. However, you must not park there. (Unless you're a student, with an ID). You can get in....but you can't get out. I discovered this little gem about two years ago when I needed to take a grad course for continuing education (a teacher requirement). I found a very nice online class to take, but needed a professor's signature once. So I loaded up my newborn in her infant seat and off we went. I was very happy to put my car in that brand new garage and not have to fight for parking spaces anywhere. It was great.

Since I only had to go quickly in once building, I didn't take a stroller or anything, just that infant carrier. Anyone who's had one knows they are heavy...so you don't lug them around far. In typical Fairmont State style I had to lug her in that carrier to 3 different buildings! Then back to the garage. Where I found I couldn't get my car out until I walked all the way back across campus to the security office and purchased tokens to get out.

Why not put a money thingy on the gate to get out so you could just feem money in there? It makes too much sense.

So back to the here and now...Celia and I have been exploring the new and improved campus.

First stop was the new student activities center. She saw a shiny new building and begged to go in, so in we went. The song playing on the building -wide muzak system wall "You're Out of Touch". Was I ever!

Huge expanses of basketball courts, as fas as the eye can see. A student version of Barnes and Noble, trendy couches and chairs. A new Nickel....that looked just wrong. I wonder what they've done with the old one? A state of the art fitness center. A brand new pool (not for competition swimming). I felt very out of touch....and out of place. Especially since all this was just built on to the back of Colebank Hall.

For some reason, they really like doing that. The new building they are working on it being buit right on top of the tech wing of Wallman Hall. On top? And we always joked that the whole building was sliding down the hill. But I guess they know what they are doing.

Regardless, a few new buildings does not a University make. So if it's alright with you, I'll just continue calling it Fairmont State and leave the University off (since it's no longer acceptable to call it a college).

This is how we have a party!

2007-07-05T08:10:00.001-05:00

First, get yourself some cheap slave labor to create some party decorations...

These kids (and their friends) work quite well!

Put the decorations on the porch.

Make yourself some party food. This is the cake I make every year. Cliche? Yes. But I like it. I also made Rachel Ray's BBQ Sammies.....but I put way to much salt in....they were salty. I still ate one. But not many other people did. Look, I'm still a nice person, even if I can't cook!

Here's the point in the party when the rain came. Everyone retreated in the house to play (the grownups played Wii, the kids just played). I stole someone's baby and took it to my favorite place and rocked until said baby was asleep. Ahhhh, sleeping baby bliss.....

About dark the rain went away and my husband had to try and set the house on fire, like he does every hear (try, not succeed!). I was actually kind of hoping he would burn the playset down. I've been wanting a new one but just can't seem to justify getting one. A fire would fix that. Darn rain.

Then daddy had to apologise to his little girl. She's no fan of fireworks and dad scared the crap out of her. She was more than a little unhappy about dad playing with fire.

Finally I broke out my large collection of glowing jewelry for the kid to run around the yard with while waiting, and waiting, and waiting for the city fireworks (we've got a primo view). Yes, there are children in this photo.....somewhere....

Finally, after all the guests had their cars loaded up, the fireworks started. Very sporadically.

Little hint for next year to the boys at the City of Fairmont....keep the fireworks dry. They light better that way.

Rollin' on the River

2007-07-01T13:19:00.000-05:00

Some friends invited us to join them for the day on their boat (on the Tygart Valley River)...well, who can say no to that!?!

We were a little worried at first when Celia strongly protested getting in the boat, but once we started moving, she really enjoyed herself.

So did Jordan. He and his little buddy spent a bunch of time in the tube (please excuse my sad job at making other people's kids look anonymous). There was many an attempt made to knock them out of the tube (they were a little too full of themselves for their own good) but those little buggers managed to hold on through even the twistiest turns and bumpiest bumps.

Once we found a little beachy area to park (dock, whatever) Celia got out of the boat to have fun. First, she has a swim with dad. She's Mrs. Independent, "I can do it myself"!

Then she had to take a little break and sit in the tube to eat a cookie. That's right, she's eating a cookie in the river.

After awhile she talked mommy into coming out to swim and sit in the tube with her. I discovered that chilly river water works wonders for itchy hives. In fact, it made me feel so much better I told Chris I'd hike back down to the river later if I got desperate. Then I figured out that a cold bathtub would do the same thing....without the river smell!

Some other boat people stopped by, with their dogs. Both dogs had their own little doggy life jackets. Celia was in toddler heaven watching those dogs swim around and chase sticks. how long do you think it takes to dry all this fur out?

Celia also discovered how much she loves cherries....once dad showed her how to eat them.

Jordan spent much of his time playing with the campfire. He toasted cheese puffs and pepperoni rolls. It was gross. Then they doused the fire with 72 buckets of water (Smokey the Bear says "Only YOU can help prevent forest fires!") so that no one will be able to light a fire in that pit again for at least two weeks.

We had a ton of fun and now Chris really wants a boat. Play the lottery, hon!

10 Reasons Why Today Can Bite Me

2007-06-28T22:13:00.000-05:00

10. Celia ....for having a real, honest to goodness "Put me on stage and call me Paris" diva day.

9. Hubby's work, for calling every single second of every single day, not allowing him to sleep, eat, go to the bathroom, or otherwise participate in any family event because of their extreme incompetence.

8. My house...for being such a disaster

7. My family, for not noticing that I'm having a really hard time picking up after them while chauffeuring them around, cooking their meals, working, and scratching my legs off and not offer to help by picking up some of the crap around here.

6. Light Bulbs. Why must you burn out just after I've finished shopping for the week...and we are inexplicably out again?

5. Brownies....for not baking completely but looking to be fully done. So I didn't even know they were not cooked all the way until I tried to slice them to take to the swim meet (since I signed up to contribute those)...forcing me to call Hubby and beg him to buy some Little Debbie brownies to take. Humiliation of handing two boxes of Little Debbie brownies over to the concession stand lady.

4. Lightening. For making the powers that be cancel Jordan's first swim team practice after we stood around the crowded pool for 40 minutes waiting the storm out.

3. Hives. Geez I really itch. It's bad.

2. Steroids. Particularly after all the recent media concerning "roid rage". After getting a shot of steroids and being prescribed both a topical cream and oral steroids I'm a little afraid of turning into some Hulk-like character and harming my loved ones.

1. The State of WV. For finally putting that check I sent them months ago into the bank...you know, long after I forgot that they ought to be doing it.

If you thought I was schexy before...

2007-06-26T23:06:00.000-05:00

....well, let me just say that my little retainer is NOTHING compared to the sight I currently am!

Standing in the kitchen in a hot pink t shirt that reads "Mrs. M's Pink Panthers" (ah, middle school intermurals) with most of my legs covering in a very goopy baking soda paste. You can't sit down with this stuff, because it crackles and falls off, making a big mess. Which is why I'm standing in the kitchen in the first place.

And it's not even working. My legs STILL itch like you wouldn't believe. Benedryl cream doesn't help. Fingernail polish and scotch tape don't help. The RX hydro cortisone cream I found in the medicine cabinet doesn't help.

It appears I've been attacked by a very hungry spider. At least that what one of my nurse friends thinks....I had to drag her into the ladies room and church and make her check out my increasingly nasty legs. She was happy to inform me that it was spider bites. I was just happy I didn't have to stick around Vacation Bible School and scratch my legs while wearing a foam cowboy hat (like she was...only she wasn't scratching).

I finally gave up, threw on some pajama pants and vigorously rubbed my legs while begging my husband to bring me more ice for them (the only things that provides just a little relief).

Isn't he a lucky guy? Gets to go to bed with an itchy, retainer wearing wife who reeks of many different experimental itch relievers that don't work.....

Oh yeah....and while proofreading this post he found a typo that made me laugh so hard that my tea came out my nose and all over half the living room. It was bad.

Plus I made him help me free the furry captive from the garbage can this afternoon.

Here he is again...not happy that I woke him up from his comfy nap on the PullUp. He's getting ready to run.... (~gag~ do you see that tail? blech!)

Here I am....armed with the broom. Also ready to run.

So I knocked the can over and that nasty bugger wouldn't come out. Look at him in there cowering beside that toothpaste box.......

So I made Chris get in there and coax him out of there with the broom. He eventually got him out....and he ran right toward me (cowering on the porch). The he ran on my elderly neighbor's porch. We chased him off there and haven't seen him since. (The possum, not my husband. He then went golfing and came home watch Big Love.)

Don't you remember that part of the wedding vows, honey? Through possums, spider bites, tea out the nose, and nightly mouth guards.........

Alright Nature, Enough Already!!!

2007-06-26T12:07:00.001-05:00

I live in town because I don't want to deal with these things...so can you lay off?

Seriously. I woke up Saturday with a very itchy leg. I thought it was pretty gross that something had been crawling around my pajamas and bit me...but that kind of thing sometimes happens. After the itchyness persisted on Sunday I discovered....well...it's gross. Really. And I promised not to gross you out for at least a month, but I'm going to have to break that promise.

My whole leg is covered in some sort of bites. It is the nastiest thing EVER. I kind of hoped it was a rash of some kind....but we're pretty sure it's bug bites. I don't want to even think about the type of insect, so you don't need to suggest what it was.

So now it's Tuesday. I've used all the Benedryl cream (which didn't do crap!) and have tried painting them with fingernail polish (also nothing). Next I'm trying putting deoderant on them, and if that doesn't work I'm trying vinegar. (These are all tried and true things I've read on the internet. If you can read it on the internet, it must be true).

Then this morning I go out to drag the trash cans to the curb (what's that you say? taking out the trash is a man job? why yes, yes it is.....) and found this:

I started to drag the can before I saw him in there...so needless to say, he's not so happy. I'm waiting until the Hubby gets home before tipping the can and running. I have a large fear of him eating my face off and my kids left to fend for themselves all day.

Since Hubby took the camera to work today, capturing this shot was achieved by tiptoeing out there with my MacBook, gently extending the thing over the can, and clicking the mouse.

No wonder me neighbors don't speak to me.

One Schexy Mama

2007-06-24T20:57:00.000-05:00

So, a few months ago I'm at the dentist. The sweet little hygienist is fawning over my teeth, how she can tell I floss a lot, blah, blah, blah, she's praising me and I love it. Then my very nice dentist comes in and echos the praises over my dental health.....then he says "hmmm".

You know it's not good when they say that.

"Rebecca, do you grind your teeth when you sleep?"

Erm, how should I know? I'm asleep.

Then he starts to ask about jaw pain and headaches.....yeah. Now that you mention it.....and when I wake up in the morning, my mouth does tend to ache a little.

He recommended I get a night guard. A mouth piece.

No way. Absolutely no way man! You can just forget it. I mean, retainers are for high school kids.....married women do not put appliances in their mouths at night (shut up). They just don't.

So I tried to forget it. I figure I didn't used to do that...it just started one day. And one day it will stop again.

Then I start noticing that I really clench my jaw when I'm awake too! Without realizing I'm doing it! Until it starts to hurt......then I mentally smack myself and tell myself to knock it off. The weird thing is, when I notice it most....when I'm chopping things in the kitchen. Weird.

Well, I finally got tired of waking up with a headache and having my jaw feel all tense and tired in the morning. Plus, we ran out of Motrin.

So on my weekly trip to Target LOOK WHAT I GOT.

So now I'm one schexy mama. In a very Sid the Sloth kind of way.

I tried it out last night...but I only wore it half the night. I don't sleep well with a big piece of plastic in my mouth. Plus, sometimes my husband snores. He'll stop if I tell him to....but poking and kicking do nothing. So last night after a fitful few hours of sleep he woke me with his snoring. I kicked and poked to no avail, then finally took the thing out, told him to stop snoring, and I went to sleep.

I'll try it again tonight.

Hubby is okay with the whole thing. I think he actually likes it. See, now he has if figured out that if I put the thing in my mouth, he might as well roll over and go to sleep. If I turn out the lights first, he can try and put the moves on me.

It's his little get lucky indicator.

I promise to wait at least another month before grossing you out with info like that again!

What I've been doing today....

2007-06-23T20:22:00.000-05:00

↑ Grab this Headline Animator

I have a new blog! No, it's not going to take the place of this one....so if you want all the mundane details of my life you're still going to have stop in here. It's also not solely "mine"....I have a few ladies who will probably be helping me with some of the content...and the name is temporary because I was highly un-creative last night. So as you can see, it's still very much a work in progress.

But if you'd like to hear all about saving some money (or the crazy thing I do to occupy my time out in the real world) then stop on by!

Baby Bliss

2007-06-22T16:13:00.000-05:00

Well, my friend had her baby and I went to visit today. Oh she's cute!

Yes, I have a serious case of baby fever. I would SO love to have more babies......but there's this one little catch....I don't ever want to be pregnant again. That last time was awful! It's not the labor, I can do that (I have labors that are quick and easy....please don't hate me for it!) it's the 9 months of misery leading up to it that I want no part of.

Oh, and there the little fact that Hubby says, in no uncertain terms, that he's done. So we've agreed, each for our own reasons, that the two kids we have are plenty for us. Or course, we've taken to permanent steps to make sure that doesn't happen....but we aren't planning on it.

Most of the time I'm fine with it...until I see someone and their brand new baby. I need a pair of baby blinders to wear out in public or something. Something that guards me from their cuteness! Celia is no help either, with all this talk of her "baby sister".

Of course, there's also the fact that I won't ever have to do the sleepless nights, the diaper blow-outs, the colicky evenings again...that's helpful. And it won't be too much longer until I gain from freedom from my kids and get something of a life back.

See, I'm happy with the age difference in my kids. They don't fight a whole lot, there's no sibling rivalry.....but the negative of this is that I remember what it's like to have an older kid. How much easier it gets.

Because when you have a baby, your life changes so much that you really can't remember what life was like before kids. I can't....none of the moms I know really can. I mean, you can remember some of the things you DID, but exactly what in the world did you DO with all that TIME? No one knows.

Here's the thing though....when you kid turns about 4 or 5....you get some of that time back. First, they really get pretty good at cleaning up after themselves at that ages (and at not just being an eternal mess all of the time). They start getting into toys that amuse them for longer periods of time. Then they go to school. I remember that. The change from going to one kid to two kids is not as big as from none to one. We had 3 years where Jordan was in that "easy to care for big kid" stage before we had another baby again.

I remember that stage of life....when you only have to vacuum once a week. Or things stay clean for longer than 5 minutes. Or you aren't so frazzled that you can't remember what you had for breakfast, but you do know you haven't had time to pee for at least 8 hours. That's a nice place to be. And I'm almost there again.

So while I'm a little sad that I'll never have another bundle of love to call my own...I can be comforted in the joy of my own two (really awesome) kids and be a little secretly happy that with each passing moment, I get a little bit of myself back.

"Nobody touches King Bobo!"

2007-06-21T14:29:00.000-05:00

This is what Celia says as she glowers out from underneath some fake foam bugs she stuck on her face....and has pretty much the theme of the day.

I hate to say this, but I hope she's still sick and that's why she's acting this way....because if she thinks this is just how it's going to be from now on, she's got another thing coming to her. Am I a horrible mother to hope my kid is sick?

Anyway, in between squabbles and quarrels and shrieks of indignation, I'm try to get some work done. This is how everything gets so messy. I get time only to complete tasks in bits and pieces until everything is a jumble of half finished work.

Plus the Hubby and I had an almost comical discussion because I prefer that he not refer to me as "the boss" to his friends and almost in the same breath tell me that "If I want to go golf saturday then I'm just going to go" like some kind of petulant child. I really don't need anymore petulant children to deal with. Two is plenty, thank you.

Bottom line is, if you are going to say things that hurt me more, just leave me be. Seriously. Now the pain of being the big meanie to both our kids AND everyone else we know is entirely diminished by the fact that I'm also viewed as the big meanie by my husband who has an open dread of spending the rest of his life with me.

And you know, if you'd just left me alone like I asked you to I would have probably forgotten all about the original insult in the first place by now.

Am I allowed to stick foam bugs on my face and mutter "Nobody touches Kind Bobo" at anyone who comes near? I really think that would make me feel better.

Poopin' Machine

2007-06-19T19:41:00.001-05:00

Man, I'm beat. And I did nothing today.

But I didn't go to sleep until almost 2 last night (why oh why must HBO put Big Love on at 9? 10 would work so much better for me. we had to stay up until 12 to watch it replay!) and then had to get up every so often with my sweaty, fevered toddler.

So today we went to the pediatrician....she does not have strep (thank goodness) just some little viral thing like a cold. Except instead of runny nose and cough, she has a headache. And I think her throat hurt today.

Since all she wanted to eat today was fruit, all she did this evening was crap.

She was feeling much better though and was her normal goofy self. Which means my entire evening was punctuated by "Mom, I gotta poop, RUN!" And run I would. Even though we had put a PullUp on (just in case) and even though I have a pinch in my back from sleeping with here. I would scoop her up and run and she would giggle "Run mom, run! I'm a poopin' machine!" That she was. Thankfully, I was fast enough (and she was...well, in control enough) and we made it. Every time.

Soo, now that you've read all about my kid's crap, do you want to see some vegetables? Good, I though you might....... 'cause here they are!

First off, a pumpkin. I actually have many of these. Now sure, I could kill off all but one or two and try for a monster pumpkin...but I actually prefer to have lots of little ones. Plus, well, I'm not really one to put all my eggs in one basket like that.

And a tomato. I went with plum tomatoes this year. No particular reason.

Lastly, the teeniest tiniest watermelon ever! Isn't it cute! it's got a lot of expectations piled on it's little round head though....because out of my 4 watermelon plants, this is the only melon we've got. Grow baby grow!

A Case of the Mondays

2007-06-18T21:05:00.000-05:00

Looks like Celia has a case of the Mondays....poor girl. She has a good excuse though. She's sick. She's contracted some mystery illness that has yet to be determined. She got up this morning with a mid-grade fever and a headache. She doesn't feel good and her whole agenda for the day consisted of laying around and picking on mommy.

First she pulled all the clips from my hair (she hates hair clips. Last week she pulled one out and it ripped my hair out. Now I have a patch of exceedingly short hair...right up front. Nice). Then we had to have a 20 minute conversation about boobies. Then about my squishy belly. Then she ripped off my shoes and picked the polish off my toenails.

In between bouts of picking at mommy she chugged Motrin and played with stickers. The saving grace of the whole day is that our good friend got a puppy (which are, in my opinion, the best kind of puppies...the kind that go home with someone else) and promised to bring it by. it is indeed just the cutest little puppy ever ad Celia is very excited because it lives at her best friend's house. So she knows she'll be seeing quite a bit of it.

Tomorrow morning we'll have to re-evaluate. If she still has a fever we pay a visit to our favorite pediatrician, Dr. Steele. He is an excellent doctor...plus he makes the most realistic bird sounds I've ever heard. Both my kids like him a lot. Except while there we'll have the gaggingly pleasant strep test....because apparently there is a version of Strep that the only symptoms are fever and headache.

If she doesn't have a fever then we have two options to consider. It could be another popular virus that's been going around (again, only symptoms are fever and headache) and we're done. Or it could be stage one of some very fun disease that ends with a rash. You know, chicken pox, 5th disease, or any other number of fun scratchy things. In any case, I'm keeping her away from other kid for the rest of the week until I see if anything else is going to pop up.

In other news, I had a breakthrough in time management today. Not only did I get my 2.5 hours of BzzAgent work done, I also did a bunch of laundry and some other really important housecleaning things. And some random sit ups. And ate a bunch of ice cream. And got bit by a bunch of mosquitoes. I think that's all.

Click on by, Boys!

2007-06-17T20:39:00.000-05:00

That's right. There's nothing to see here, and I'm getting ready to talk about all things womanly, so here's your warning to find something else to read.

Go ahead, shoo....

Are they gone yet?

Good. So here's my big joyful news......my period came early this month!

Now let me tell you why this is such great news for me and every single person that I come into contact with on a daily basis.....

For the past (at least) four months I've been terribly hormonal. It's been bad. Real bad. And to top it off, usually when I get super stressed my period refuses to come like it's supposed to. And while I'm stressed out because of something really wacky going on with my hormones, it refuses to come and each and every day that passes is worse and worse than the one before.....until I start to get worried that I might kill a person if it doesn't come. And finally it will. A week late ....or like last month a very torturous nine days!

So lately that's how my cycle has been. I'll finally get it and have two days of residual hormones and anger. Then it's like the tide changing, like that fast. I wake up on the 3rd day and everything is okay again. I feel good about the world. That lasts for about a week. Then the nosedive starts. And let me just tell you that three to four weeks of nosediving is a long way down.

Mostly it's the hormones.....I'm a mess. Crying over EVERYTHING, just seething with anger about absolutely nothing for weeks at a time. But the headaches suck as well. Just waking up with a headache every day is enough to make you want to crawl back in bed (especially when you know no amount of Motrin is going to make it go away)!

But this month....no nosedive! It's been almost like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I had my good week, then I started last week. Which could have been bad because I was REAL busy. But it was okay. I don't think I even really cried once! Then this morning, surprise.

Well I'll take it. I will gladly trade my monthly hormonal rage for a few more periods a year. Someone print out the contract, because I'm ready to sign on the dotted line for this one!

Chris, I know you're probably reading this thinking "Hey, what about that 'I don't feel you're being very supportive' discussion there other night"? Sorry buddy, no hormones there. I didn't even cry much, did I? That was all real and can't be blamed on anything like cycles or hormones....just life circumstance. But I do feel much more supported now after you took care of some of the huge pile of crap I didn't know how to do around the house. Thank you. And yes, I did eat all that ice cream. Eat some more soy food, will ya?

Trying New Things.

2007-06-17T13:47:00.000-05:00

We've tried a few new foods in the past week, all have been pretty tasty.

Last weekend we had turkey burgers for the first time. This came about (like all other new foods we usually try) because I found a really good deal on ground turkey. Anyway, I did extensive internet research and came up with a good recipe:

1 lb ground turkey
Some shredded cheddar cheese (sorry, I'm bad with measurements, I just dumped some in)
Steak Sauce (again, umm, just dump some in there)

Since turkey is very lean, it tends to stick to the grill (and fall apart everywhere else). To guard against that, I coated the grill in nonstick spray (before you light it please!) and brushed the burgers themselves with olive oil. To make sure that they don't fall apart, put them on the grill and leave them there. Don't move them all around. You set them down, cook on one side for 4-5 minutes, then carefully flip and leave them another 4 minutes or so. None of this constant flip flopping stuff.

We also tried turkey sausage, which was also good (but hey, it's sausage....with all those seasonings, it's kind of hard for it to go wrong!)

Then this morning I was dying to try some elephant ears (or fried dough, or beaver tails, if you're from Canada). Now you can get all fancy and make your own dough, but I don't have time for those kind of shenanigans on a sunday morning. A can or premade biscuits would work just fine. We didn't have that, so I used Bisquick.

It's real easy, roll (or stretch) whatever dough you have out until it's more thin than you would think it should be. Then fry in oil until golden brown (it doesn't take long). Let cool (I like to do this on a paper bag, it gets some of the oil out) slightly and then dredge in powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar. I found it easer to put the sugar in a paper lunch bag, drop the dough in and shake.

Big surprise, something fried in oil and covered in sugar is REALLY good. I know that's a shocker. Just don't eat them more than once a month or your arteries will completely clog one day while you're walking around.

Lastly, and this one is s surprise, BocaBurgers. That's right. Meatless hamburgers. Soy Burgers. I will try anything if it's free (and they almost were) so we tried them. Shockingly edible. I thought they'd be really gross, but they taste just about like any fast food burger. I wouldn't fix them for company or anything, but my family liked them okay.

There you go, all my culinary adventures for the week!

Accident Prone

2007-06-16T16:23:00.000-05:00

Hi there....sorry to have been MIA. I hope not to have a week as busy as last week EVER again. I know I will, but geez. It was fun though, we spent and evening with friends, had a party on the deck, swim team every day, and lots of backyard time!

Finding time in the day to work a few hours is really kicking my butt. Between taking Jordan to swim team each day, the usual keeping the house clean, the extra projects that always pop up, I can't fit two hours of work in each day. So either I don't work, or I don't clean, and neither are good options really.

Wednesday Jordan has his accident prone day. He lost of one his braces! We have no clue where it might be! We called out friends since he was swimming in their pool and mentioned that they might want to check next time they are out there...but we're really thinking he swallowed it (he has no wires yet, just 4 braces on his 4 top permanent teeth).

Then Jordan and I decided to move the big tent in the backyard. It went pretty well, we got the legs off, moved the thing, put the legs back on.....then the clouds moved in and the wind kicked up! Poor Jordan had to hang on to a tent leg for dear life while I pounded in stakes like a madwoman. Then it started thundering so I sent him to the porch with Celia....they made a "hideout" in the porch furniture....and amazingly the tent did not blow away while I finished attaching it to the ground!

Thurday was poor Celia's day to be accident prone. We spent the evening with friends and had a great time! They have a little girl who just turned two and is the sweetest little thing (though she's already potty trained better than Celia...be gone bad mommy envy). The dads went golfing and the kids and I stayed at their house for the evening. I had such a great time....our friend is about ready to pop any day and I'm just giddy with baby excitement! It's easy for me to be giddy, I don't have to be uncomfortable and pregnant or have labor looming over me.

Anyway, it was lots of fun except for Celia first popping a huge wheelie on their push and ride toy and turning the whole thing over on top of her! Then not 20 minutes later she was trying to do a sit up on a big exercise ball, lost her balance, and did a header into the wall! Then friday after the soccer party she got a big splinter in her foot (but was very brave for the extraction!).

My big news for the day is that Target finally put their Celebrate Summer stuff on 50% off so I got some great outside toys that I've been stalking for a month! Hope to take some pictures of us using them in the yard tonight!

Lady Madonna

2007-06-13T15:18:00.000-05:00

We were listening to a Beatles cd on Monday and I laughed when Lady Madonna came on. I'd spent the whole day running around with the kids (and dreading the crazy week ahead) and trying to figure out how we were going to pay for Jordan's braces...so the song cracked me up. I guess you could say I had a real "Lady Madonna Moment."

"Lady Madonna, children at your feet, wonder how you manage to make ends meet"

Not that we're making a lot of real sacrifices or anything so that I can be a stay at home mom....I mean, we each have our own car, Jordan gets lessons in guitar and whatever his sport of the season is, we eat good food, have premium cable. But every once in awhile things do get tight and I have to do the dance of figuring out how to get it all paid....oh, say, like when the kid needs braces and Chris's recording project is running a little longer than he expected. But things got worked out and Jordan got his braces, right on schedule.

He did awesome, by the way. I'll have some pics up of his shortly. I was amazed how fast they put them on!

I was also feeling a little overwhelmed by my WAY over-scheduled week so I cancelled some small things....and I keep telling myself that these little things that keep piling up around the house are no big deal, they will be here tomorrow, and next week, and next year....to not stress about them. (But there's a little demon in my head hissing about the messing dining room, the scrapbook pages that need doing, fixing the playhouse, fixing Chris's bike, and the laundry, oh the never-ending always detestable laundry!) We are hosting a party this weekend for Jordan's soccer team.....so I feel this pressure to have the house looking perfect. Which is so silly. The party is going to be outside. And it's short. So most people won't even see the inside of my house, my less the laundry pile in the basement or the clutter in the dining room. I figure as long as the trail to the bathroom is clean, I should be good...right?

Some other exciting things in addition to Jordan's braces.....one of my new friends is about to have her baby. Which is just so exciting for me! I love getting together with her and some other mommies with toddlers each week because not only does Celia have friends to play with....I get my baby fix. Two of the mommies just had babies (one is about 4 months, another maybe one month!) and two of them are expecting. Since we aren't going to have anymore, I have to get my baby fix through them. They probably think I'm crazy because I love finding diapers at a great price and giving them to them (we hardly even use them here anymore) and really, it just makes me feel so good to be around all the new (or about to be new) mommies and their babies!

Oh yeah...I also found a new Smiley Add-On for Firefox. Boy, I'm obsessed with smileys. And now, I possess a smiley for every occasion! And some that well, I'm not sure when I will ever use.

Like here's one of my favorites, I use it all the time!

And another..really amusing to me.

That's right. It's a Jesus smiley. And what's that on his head? Oh, it's a halo (?!?!). Either that or the smoothest crown of thorns I've ever seen.

Chicken on the Grill, Pumpkins, and Ducks

2007-06-11T08:40:00.000-05:00

Whew, how's that for an all in one title? Sorry folks, I have a lot to say!

First, how to cook a whole chicken on the grill.

This is one of our favorite summer meals. Take a whole chicken. Prepare and rinse well. Get a can of something. Beer is recommended, but I think Coke or any Cola works as well (you know, in case you live in a house where you don't keep can's of beer around and you don't remember to get one until Sunday, when you can't buy beer).

Drink about 1/2 - 2/3 of your canned beverage.

Jam the can (with the rest of the liquid) up the chicken's bottom.

Stand the chicken up, using the can and it's two legs to make a kind of tripod.

Smear it with something. We went with a Caribbean Jerk Marinade this time (tasty) but plan oil, salt, and pepper works fine too.

You want to use indirect heat to cook this sucker. Go if you have a gas grill, only light the outer burners and leave the ones under the chicken off. If you use charcoal, the when they are ready, use a shovel or stick or something to scrape them off to the sides.

Cook for about 1 - 1 1.5 hours over medium heat. (Use your meat thermometer to check for doneness).

Okay, so now that you have a recipe for chickeny goodness, check out our baby pumpkin! He's the first one! How exciting.

We also have some peas. The kids had to try one.

After dinner we went to feed the ducks and geese at Prickett's Fort. We do this pretty often (you know, every time someone leaves the bread open and it gets all stale!) and the kids love it. These are probably the fattest, best fed fowl in all of creation. Everyone in Fairmont brings them bread to eat!

While we were driving to the Fort, I asked Chris, "Do you want to feed the ducks or do you want to take pictures?" He decided he would be taking pictures because he's good at it (he is).

But the lure of feeding the animals was too great for him and I had to take the camera away. What is this thing he's feeding anyway? A duck or a goose? We couldn't decide, but they were very docile and nice.

Unlike this guy. He was not nice. Honking and hissing, nipping the other geese, and generally just flapping his wings at everyone.

After we've fed them all our bread, we want to make sure they get enough physical activity, so Jordan gently encourages them to fly.

I mean, hey, they've got to work off all that bread somehow. Right?

What kind of death wish do you have?

2007-06-10T14:04:00.001-05:00

Dear neighbors across the street,

I have put up with a lot. I really have. The late night arguments in the yard (I only called the cops that one time because I thought you'd hurt yourselves driving off all angry and crying like that), the beer cans and cigarettes you leave littering my yard, the standing on the street and cursing during the day (when my innocent little kids can hear your dirty mouths). I try and pay it no mind, because I know that you are teenagers. You are living in a world that you think no one else sees and you can't fathom anyone else having a life. One day you'll realize how silly you've acted and regret it. So I just let it slide.

Especially for the boys over there...I know you can be polite and thoughtful, because sometimes you are.

Granted, I have no love for the foul-mouthed little girlfriend. End it already buddy, she's not worth it.

I often wonder about the mom, and why she lets her kids act that way...but I don't judge because I just don't know what's going on over there.

But today, as we pulled up to the house at nap time with our sleeping toddler in the car, and you decided to set off a string of fireworks, you almost died.

Seriously. You just don't mess with nap time. No matter how young and carefree you are. You don't wake a sleeping baby. It's like the 14th commandment or something.

Chris immediately reminded me how no matter how hard it is, you are supposed to love THE OTHERS (a take of from Chestnut Ridge's current sermon series about how other people ...ie, not yourself, can be so darned hard to love sometimes).

I really think the whole "love thy neighbor as thyself" scripture should exempt noisy, inconsiderate teenagers...but since it's in the Bible and all....

So alright. I will not kill you. But the next time you set off fireworks in the street while I'm trying to get my sleeping baby out of the car and into the house, I will (in Christian love) give you a very stern (in your face) talking to.

Be warned.

Glorious Day!

2007-06-09T15:52:00.000-05:00

Well, we finally had a day worth of the title "Vacation"!

First off, the weather is beautiful. 78 degrees, nice breeze, sunny. You couldn't ask for a better day!

We started off the day at Cooper's Rock. It's a pretty cool place really, but I wasn't sure what the kids would think. Turns out they loved it. Jordan found a big hole right away. He thinks a giant mole rat lives there. I don't even know what a mole rat is, but that's one big hole.

(Umm, what's up the the socks? He is so going to hate the picture when he is 20! I refuse to fight with my kids over reasonable clothes choices though....so this is what you get!)

My nature loving husband was very unsure about this whole thing. But he humored me...holding tightly to Celia's hand and telling Jordan "get off that rock, you're going to fall" a million times. But by the time we got to scenic overlook, he loosened up a little.

Here's the north-east view of the mountains. My personal favorite.

The south-west view.

A little zoom on the south-west view and you can see Morgantown. The big white spike is the tower at the airport.

Much to my husband's dismay, I insisted on continuing down the trail. He has bad memories form being lost there once. Both of the kids loved "rock climbing".

Jordan takes on the bigger rocks.

We steer Celia toward some her size. Mom helps her with the big ones....the trail down to the bottom isn't exactly a stroll....but you don't need a rope for it either!

Here's Celia and me under the big rock. Chris wouldn't go anywhere near it. You know, it's been there for hundreds of years and all the sudden he things it's going to break away while he's there (please don't mention Seneca Rock, he doesn't need anything else to worry about!)

The green blur is Jordan.

Looking up at the overlook from the first turn below. I was hoping to take the kids down a little more, but as we stood there looking up, Celia says "Mom, I have to pee!" and before I can find her a tree, she said "Ooop, I peed"

So we started back to the car for a clean change of clothes and lunch!

Lunch could not have worked out better. I wasn't extremely motivated and had packed nothing. I figured we'd just drive back to Burger King if we needed to (yeah , I'm a real outdoorsy girl!). But on the way down the trail we noticed that the concession stand served food (not just snacks) AND they accepted Visa check card (because us city dwellers don't carry cash!).

Chris was very excited because the listed sloppy joes on the menu. There's not much I refuse to cook, but that's one of them. Anyway, the four of us all got lunch for under $10! And we were stuffed, couldn't even finish out nachos. Chris was hoping to go back for a hot dog, but he just couldn't do it.

We also wanted to check out Chestnut Ridge Park. It's right by Cooper's Rock, and I heard they had swimming and a play area.

We were pleasantly surprised, it was very nice. Now, I wouldn't call it a lake (they do) it's more of a pond, but there's a sandy swimming area, fishing (you don't need a license...it's catch and release, stocked every spring) and paddle boats.

I had no plans of getting in...because I thought it was a little chilly. But the kids got changed (and Chris, because he thought I was nuts to allow our toddler to play within arm's reach of us...in the WATER. Dude, I would totally jump in with my clothes on if needed!) and Celia walked right up to the lake and peed.

I would never let me kid pee in a pool. She totally knows better. But this girl is just one with nature and really enjoys peeing on natural things outside. Trees, rocks, lakes....they all get a surprise from my girl. I don't think anyone saw it.

After the unfortunate peeing, the kids got in. Chris balked for a minute ("but look at it! There's no chemicals in there honey".......) but then he discovered there were minnows and salamanders and a fabled 2 ft carp that occasionally will swim right up to the swim area.

After a few hours of swimming, (not really, since Jordan can walk all the way out to the rope, and the "baby" rope only puts the water at Celia's knees....perfect for kids!) They decided to get a paddle boat.

That was about it. We spent another half an hour playing on the playground (very nice) and then loaded up the car. It was nap time. The best part about this part is that it's only 35 minutes from Fairmont, so it's not like I have to sleep in a tent (gasp!) or anything to enjoy it. I like my nature in bits and pieces, during the day. But they do have camping at both Cooper's Rock and Chestnut Ridge Park.

We will be frequenting the park this summer. Erm....free swimming, nice playground, not very many people. I love it. The also have an awesome hill that they do sledding on in the winter, so I'm already excited to check that out come December!

Pimpin' da blog...

2007-06-08T19:03:00.000-05:00

Yup, it's that time again. Time for me to spent countless hours finding cool stuff to do with this thing. (Mostly, just figuring out how to work the cool stuff!)

So now..I'm broadcasting a feed. You can subscribe to me. You know...you and my 37 other daily readers. I don't know exactly what you're supposed to do with it, but you can do it.

I basically had to do this so I can get a cool scrolling thing in my signature (ha, you think I blog a lot...you don't know the half of it!) for Babycenter. Some other cool mommy had one...and I just felt compelled to follow suit. I would never copycat anything in the real world, but in the blog world, watch out! I'm totally ripping off all your cool stuff. I totally give you credit for it though.

Some other minutia from our week of vacation...

- Dove Ice Cream bars are the nectar of satan. Seriously, those things are evil. I can eat a box a day. I you shop like I do (using coupons to stock up when things are on sale for free or very cheap) do not fool yourself into thinking you can make 20 boxes last the summer. I don't care if they do only cost .45 a box. YOU JUST CAN"T DO IT. They are too good.

- I got a job. Just a little one. It's pretty cool though. I've been doing this thing called BzzAgent for about a year. Basically, they send you cool new products to use and tell your friends about. It's work of mouth advertising. They want you to be totally honest....if you don't like a product, say so. If you do, say so. That's all. They usually give you little samples or coupons to pass out if friends are interested. Anyway, if that's not cool enough, when you tell them who you've talked to (or Bzzed) then you get points. Which you can trade in for some neat things...DVDs and stuff. Well, someone has to read and respond to every report that is submitted....and that's what my new job is. Well, not every report. There are lots of other people with my job, I'm one of many who review reports. I love it. Except now I get to read about all these other cool products that aren't offered to me (some are regional test markets) and I WANT them. In a bad way.

- Pool trip yesterday bit the big one. First, the line was too the parking lot when we got there. Not a good sign. For some reason neither one of the kids were all that into it (they usually love the pool). Then a very bad thing happened with someone else's baby and they had to clear the pool and call 911. We don't know what happened, but it creeped us out and we left. I could rant all day on the reaction from the other swimmers.

We took some pictures....but every picture of my family has someone else's butt crack hanging out of their suit in it somewhere. Like a public pool version of "Where's Waldo". There's just too much butt crack hanging out at the public pool....well, most places anymore really.

I did take some photos of the kids playing in our tiny backyard pool....which they enjoyed much more than the real thing. Before we get to the picture....have I mentioned yet this week how awesome my son is? I realize that most 10 year olds would be bored out of their minds stuck in the backyard with their mom a baby sister. But this kid is always just so happy with the world that he has a ball, anywhere he happens to be!

So here they are, swimming laps in the pool.

You've got to be careful swimming laps in such close quarters. Kicks in the face are not fun.

Okay, so we're all warmed up. On to activity 2....Jordan's lesson on "How to place your face in the water and blow bubbles". Celia is skeptical, but gives it a try.

Oooo, she doesn't like it. Moving on.

Activity 3 is dumping water over Jordan's head. I would say this is awful and mean, but he asked her to do it. She's just following orders.

Lastly, an order from mom. Bail, kids, bail. Empty that pool! They try and hit me with water...but I'm safely far enough away from them.

See, here's where I stay. Safe in my chair in the corner of the yard....in the shade of our tent. Notice the little wet butt prints my girl left on the chair. She's still freaked out and comes running if a motorcycle goes down the road.

- Last big from my week....a vacation at home is only a moderately good idea. It's been nice and all, but we haven't really gotten that much done, and the house is trashed because "I'm not cleaning that up, I'm on vacation!"

Bathtime, Splinters, and Bees.

2007-06-07T20:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, we had quite a day. But instead of regaling you with tales of my frustration, I'm going to share a few cool little gems I've been saving up.

First, my new bathtime favorite...Johnson's Buddy Bar. I got it because, well, it was free. And I fell in love. First off, Celia can't dig her fingers into the soap and pull it all apart. Also, I discovered that when you take it outside (because I'm one of those moms that hoses her kids off in the yard in the summer) dirt can't stick to it. So if you're a camper, you might try it as well. If you want to get it for free, then find any $1 off Johnson's Buddies coupon and it's all yours. You can find printable ones on the internet even.

Second, we have a wood deck. With lots of splinters. Now, I haven't tried this yet, but I've heard that if you get a splinter (with a little piece still sticking out) spread some plain white glue over it. Let the glue dry, peel off. The splinter should come with it.

Lastly, if your kid (or you, if you're a baby about pain) gets stung by a bee, to kill the pain (after you have held your hysterical kid down and removed the stinger) run some deoderent over the sting. The white kind, not the gel kind. I don't know why, but it works. Then you are free to give your kid a talk about needless hysterics and way too much drama.

School's Out for Summer!

2007-06-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

Today was Jordan's last day of school. He was half excited, half sad. He enjoys school, but we have some fun summer stuff planned.

Plus today was the final day of his being grounded from the Wii (this kid neglected to turn in 3! spelling papers last week and brought home a D!). He's been missing it for a week. He had big plans today. Since it was an early release, he planned to sprint home from the bus and play Wii.

Mission accomplished.

Today was also his first day of swim team practice. He's been swimming for a few summers, but I'm hoping the swim team might give him some more confidence with his skills. So far I really like it. The instructors seem great.

After dinner we went for a walk on the Rail Trail again...and guess what? I finally remembered the camera!

We decided to go on MCTrail. I really prefer the Mon River Trail...but the kids love that tunnel.

So here we are. First glimpse of the tunnel (south side) and we have to let Celia out of the stroller. I'm amazed how much walking those little legs do!

Off they go! Have I mentioned how Celia adores her big brother. Where ever he goes, she's gotta go too. He sits down to rest, so does she. He tosses a rock, so does she. He pees in the woods....well, she does that too.

Ready and waiting, at the entrance to the tunnel.

Break on through to the other side.....

It's actually a lot longer than it looks as you stand at the entrance. I think it's 1500 ft....

So here is the north entrance. Step out, turn around, and look up. There you go.

And to your right we have a waterfall....

Then we walked. And walked and walked. We walked a whole mile. Even Celia.

So turn around and head back to the car. There they go.....

This is why I keep him around...

2007-06-06T07:27:00.000-05:00

....because sometimes, he's just so darn funny. Frustrating, but funny.

So yesterday I talked Chris into working on the grout removal in the bathroom. It didn't take him long to agree with me that the HCL didn't do a darn thing (except stink up the place!). But then he had a great idea....and got out the Dremmel. A rarely used device in my house, so sometimes we forget we have it. Anyway, after much trial on an extra tile, he found just the right tip to take the grout off but not damage the tile. I went in to check things out and after showing me how easy (but tedious) the job was....he attempted to poke me in the butt with the Dremmel.

I jumped away and glared at him that he would "rip a hole in my favorite pajamas!" (Hey, it's vacation here, remember?) He obviously didn't believe me and to prove his point stuck the Dremmel on the side of his shirt. It immediately ate the shirt up, wrapping the whole thing around it until it just couldn't pull anymore. He just looked at me with a look of shock and amazement and exclaimed "I didn't think it could DO that!" Sure enough, once he got his shirt unwrapped from the monster Dremmel, there was a big hole in it.

Anyway, since I stuck him with the suck job and it was a beautiful day, Celia and I went outside to work. And by beautiful day, let me just say I could not have made a better day myself! Somewhat cool and breezy so I didn't even have to get sweaty when doing my yard work, but sunny enough to be pleasant.

I got all the weed eating done (on a side note, my arms do not hurt when I use that thing, but for about an hour afterwards, I seem to lose all fine motor skills in my hands and arms....does this happen to anyone else or is it just me being weird?)
Then I got to spread more mulch on the last area of my side garden that needs it. I don't know if I've shared the mulch saga with you.....but we have a mountain of free mulch right outside out fence that needs spread. See, there's a guy down the street that cuts down trees for a living. He mulches them up, but has to pay a dump fee somewhere unless he can give it away to a neighbor or someone.

That's where we come in. Anyway, a few weeks ago he brought a really nice batch of hardwood mulch and dumped it off behind the fence. It makes me feel all green and environmentally conscience to use it....since it's all natural and untreated and stuff. Plus, I feel all radical, bucking corporate America and spitting in the face of Walmart and their overpriced bags of mulch. But only in the backyard. I love my black much in the front of the house so out there I'm an ozone sucking capitalist pig.....but in the backyard we're all green and earthy.

Now, this fresh, natural mulch looks great, but it has a few drawbacks. First, it's still decomposing. Which means it's got this....smell about it. Not as bad as manure or anything, but still, not all that pleasant. But only around the big rotting pile. Once you spread it out, it seems to dissipate the stink.

The other thing, it's hot. It seriously puts off some heat. Our good friends down the street put clear plastic over theirs. Between the trapped heat of the sun and the heat put off by the chemical breakdown process, you could seriously burn your hand on that thing. No joke. It steams and everything!

I'm afraid of spontaneous combustion, so I leave ours uncovered. Plus it helps keep those pesky neighbor kids out of the yard!

My mom tells me that it's really not good to put that fresh, still decomposing mulch on growing plants because it uses nitrogen that my plants need. I tell her to shush up with that science talk before my plants hear it. See, they don't seem to know the difference and are doing fine with my free mulch. All I need now is for someone to clue them in on the fact that they could whither and wilt and demand the store treated stuff (or that I patiently weed around them for a whole year and spread the mulch next year).

Here are some more pictures of my plants, doing well!

My monstrous pumpkin plants. Look at this guy! He's huge! Reaching out into the driveway even!

And in the mornings, they are covered with the huge, gorgeous yellow-orange flowers.

These are my peas that were so teeny tin y when I put them out....they've taken up every inch on the tee-pea I made them. I'm definitely going for a bigger one next year.

And here is an actual pea pod. Actual food, that could be eaten by people, growing in my garden. Amazing.

This is the final section that I finished laying down week block fabric and mulching yesterday. You can see a slight color difference between the new and what has been out for a few weeks, but after a few days of sun and rain it will all look the same. There's a baby Clematis at the foot of that trellis. It saw in a box in my kitchen for well over a month, but still looked a little green to I tossed it out there on a whim. We'll see how that works!

Here are some bright new arrivals in the front of my yard. Some lily thing...

And some summer crocus-y thing. I don't remember exactly what they are, because I didn't write it down. But I think they are pretty! And even better, they will be back next year. And multiply!

Alright. So here are the as promised photos of the front. Isn't it awful? I've got all this disorganized stuff in the back (those spikes are Gladiolas....I think they'll be fabulous when they bloom ) and nothing but bare mulch in the front. Some neighbors down the street have a beautiful patch of poppies that I'm in envy of....but those are quite tall and really don't belong in the front.....

Thoughts? Ideas?

Vacation

2007-06-05T08:23:00.001-05:00

Well, Chris finally took some time off work! After I got over my brief panic that maybe hell was freezing over or Armageddon was coming.....we settled down to do some work.

See, our (my) big plan is that we use this week to get a bunch of home improvement stuff done...plus do some fun local things later in the week. Jordan has school through tomorrow afternoon, so we have some time to kill around the house.

Yesterday went really well. I got the ceiling painted in the new bathroom, he put up some of the lights. I got a LOT of weeding done and cut back my daisies. I have some new flowers to show you. I know some of you are wondering why I only give close ups...well....while I have some really nice individual flowers, the big picture is still a work in progress. I'll take some large shots and share with you the sad shape of of my gardens overall soon. My big problem in the backyard is that the daisies are in the front of the bed (they are too big to be there, I'm moving them next year) and the peas have grown too big for for the cute little tee-pea I built. I just couldn't fathom them being so big when they were seedlings, so I went with the 4 ft bamboo. Should have gone for the 8 ft!

The front is just kind of unorganized chaos.....which isn't a total bad thing except there are spaces of nothing but mulch, and spaces of total flower overpopulation. Give me a few years and I think it will look nice. Luckily my neighbors aren't all uppity about things like curb appeal!

Today I stuck Chris with the nasty job of removing grout from tiles. I've been working at it a little each day, but it's a messy job. Frankly I'd like to take a shower today and stay clean for awhile.

Here's my aside on laying tile. It's pretty easy. BUT, don't, under any circumstances, let that grout dry on your tiles. Start wiping right away. That's what I did with the floor (you know, after I learned on the walls how fast it dries!) and it came out beautiful. But the walls, we were too slow. And now the grout won't come off. I've found the best way it so scrape at it with a wooden shim (won't damage your tile like metal might). I've got most of the grout lines themselves looking pretty good things way. Chris is not fond of this method and is trying ti remove anything left in the center of the tiles with a grout remover. Hydrocloric acid. Very stinky. No thanks.

We did take the kids our to the rail-trail again last night and walked 2 miles on the MCTrail. It includes a really nice tunnel. Celia actually walked (okay, ran) over a mile of it! Anyway, I forgot the camera, but I promise (PRO-MISE!) that I'll take it next time to share with all of your the beauty of the northern WV rail-trails.....or more likely, the beauty of my kids playing on the rail-trail.

Curly Girl

2007-06-03T22:02:00.000-05:00

Well, Friday was kind of a down day, so Celia and I decided to play with her hair. We put it up in the cutest little twisties (because it was also blooming hot all day!) and by evening, she had some curls!

She still has that soft, thin baby hair though, and after sleeping on those curls all she had left the next day were a few pretty waves. I'm sorry, but have you ever seen a little girl quite so pretty?

Don't be fooled by that pretty face though. Chris says she was wretched all during the game. Even my friend who usually compliments Celia on her sweet nature commented that she was a fireball. In fact, at one point she was so loud that she distracted me from my coaching from all the way across the field. Apparently, two games within 24 hours is just too much soccer for a toddler to watch.

Stay tuned for highlights from our weekend games and other escapades!

Hubby has a blog!

2007-06-03T16:10:00.000-05:00

Well, he talked about it forever ago, then got bored with thinking about it and forgot. Now he has decided to jump the bandwagon and get his own blog.

He's telling me it's going to be about recording and mixing and all that sound stuff he's into. But I'm sure he'll mention me. At least once. Especially if I bug him nonstop until it's blog about me or kill me.

So without any further ado, please check out what Chris has to say at Sound Thoughts!

Amy Winehouse - Rehab

2007-06-01T23:19:00.000-05:00

Seriously, what is up with this song?

I had Chris's car going to the store the other day. Since I barely know how to work his radio, I just left it on the station he listens to....WVAQ. Which I usually dismiss as pop crap, but every once in a while something will come on that surprises me.

So this song starts up. It's got a cool retro 50's laidback rhythm, and some almost Blues Brothery horns. This girl starts singing....and she's got a real unique voice. I like that, being different. Not like the 1001 other half breathy - half throaty pop starlets out there today.

But then I start listening to the lyrics. Seriously, my first thought was "Is she making fun of Nicole Richie?" Guess not, but they are slightly disturbing nonetheless. It's another one of those "pop icons are responsible for the message they send out" rants. Really. Kids today have problems. They are getting in trouble. Please don't encourage them to avoid rehab.

That aside...the timing is off. HER timing is off. In just a few spots, but it bugs me. It must be on purpose, because you can produce a song so that an atonal girl with no rhythm sounds great and sings right on the beat. But I can't fathom why someone would put that little 1/2 beat catch in there on purpose. Just to bug the crap out of me.

So I had to watch the video, just to see if it gave me any insight. Not really, but I did get to see her hideous eye makeup. Again....I know this girl has a stylist. Who looked at her face and said "Yeah, that's good. That's the look we're going for!"?

I must be really old and out of touch.

Domesticated Flowers

2007-06-01T12:14:00.001-05:00

They are by no means wild. These are some very tame and well-behaved. They are also examples of survival of the fittest. I am not a gardener. No green thumbs here.

This is the Gerbera daisy in a flower pot on the porch. I love this thing....but it guzzles water like nothing I have seen before! It's also in need of some more Miracle Grow...it's looking a little dull.

These are the roses in the front of my house. They were here when we moved in 8 years ago. That alone tells you how hardy they really are!

This flower is a favorite of my husband. It's called a Red Hot Poker. He can't even look at the thing without snickering. Enough said.

This is my new favorite. It's called Nasturium. Or something like that. Anyway, my friend told me that you just throw the seeds down anywhere...preferably in the wort soil you can find. And they will grow. And don't you love it....I threw them down and they grew.

These are my daisies. They were my very first gardening triumph. I started them from seed about 5 years ago . They've been divided and transplanted many times. And next year they will move again. For some strange reason I planted them right in the front of my new bed. You know, completely blocking anything else from sight. Next year I plan to use some with tall grasses at the front of my porch and move the rest to the back of this bed.

Remember these guys? I started them from seed back in April...and here they are doing well in my garden. I'm so pleased!

Here are the pumpkins:

And the peas:

Lastly, this is a box of cactus on my front porch. Someone dropped them off a few weeks ago....and I have nothing to do with them. I don't want to put them in the yard because, well, the kids will probably fall in them. I'm afraid to throw them out in the trash because I'm afraid the trashmen might get poked. So there they sit. Celia picked one up last week and I got to remove the teeny little spines that you can't even hardly see. It was fun.

Notice that even though they've been sitting in a box for three weeks, with no soil or water, they are still growing. New little buds all over this bugger.

A Week in Pictures

2007-06-01T08:01:00.001-05:00

Here are a few photos from the last week that I haven't got around to posting.

Jordan opening gifts at his party.

Yeah, here's the Wii!

Celia splashing in her new baby pool!

Squirting some duckies!

Chris playing the Wii!

Three Rivers Festival

2007-05-31T07:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, so in trying to catch up from all the weekend craziness, I completely neglected to tell you all about the Three Rivers Festival.

First off, let me just say, that the festival is going downhill, fast. Both Chris and I talk every year about how much fun we had going to the festival with we were younger. The Gateway Clipper came to town, there were some really cool rides. It was great.

Some of that you can write off to the memory of a child. But since our parents also agree that the festival is not as cool now as it was then, I think it's a pretty accurate statement.

This year, Jordan's class took a field trip to the festival. We actually only spent about 2 hours at the festival itself....all the other activities were organized just for the school tours and were not open to the general festival public.

So we started off at the festival bright and early, 9:00 Thursday morning. Me, my son, and 5 little girls. Thank goodness, because most of the other boys in his classroom are and and foul children who I may have thrown in the river. I think his teacher knows that, ans she was smart enough to give me some well behaved little girls.

So we watched the Magician, then went to check out the rides. The kids were thoroughly disappointed by the 8 rides that were there this year...only 4 of them being open this early in the morning. One little girl also had a bad memory of almost puking some previous festival year and wouldn't go near the things. The other kids were bored with those rides after about 15 minutes. Thank goodness. I always think those things are shoddily assembled death traps (and our experience with another carnival type ride over the weekend would prove that statement to be true). Luckily, the bounce houses were FREE to the school kids, so they jumped on those for about an hour. Then, they were hot, sweaty, hungry....and broke. Most of them came with no money, they ones that did bring a little money couldn't afford the inflated festival prices.

So I treated everyone to lemonades (well, 3 lemonades and 6 straws....even I couldn't afford those prices!) and a giant funnel cake that we all shared. We found a shady spot with Jason Parrish (head meteorologist for WBOY) and sat there until it was time to go.

The kids loaded up on the busses and I went back to my car (because for some reason, chaperones had to drive seperately...not that I minded, but it was weird).

Across town to a Carnegie Science Center presentation at the Elks club (pretty cool) and lunch on Veteran's Plaza (not cool...as in high noon and no shade, plus I had I corral a couple of 6th grades who wanted to discuss their balls with my 4th grade girls)

Then a tour of the Times WV newpaper office (yawn, for both me and the kids) and we were done.

The soccer game that was scheduled that night was cancelled, so the family and I trekked back down to the festival. See we live 3 blocks away. Since the kids can hear all the festival noise (and I can smell the funnel cakes), we do have to go down for one evening. Plus, it was parade night, and everyone loves a parade. Even if all you get is two bands, 15 firetrucks, 47 beauty queens, the Rockettes (ugh, don't get me started) and the secret Gay and Lesbian support league. They were my favorite....just this little jeep covered in rainbows stuck on the end of the parade, giving out stickers and bracelets. With rainbow and peace signs. So I think they were a gay and lesbian support group....but I'm not sure. Because they never said (or had any signs). I'd love to support you, if I knew what I was supposed to be supporting. I'm going with Gay and Lesbian acceptance because of the rainbows....but it very well could have been citizen for colorblindness. In any case, I clapped for them.

Back at the festival we ate about $40 worth of carnival food, spent $20 so the kids could play in the bounce houses for 20 minutes, then helped my kid win a bear at a rigged carnival game. One more funnel cake for the road, and we were done with the festival for another year.

I'm hearing rumors that one of our local personalities wants to blow the whole thing up and have a Pepperoni Roll festival. I'm not sure that I care either way, it's been crap since they dropped the "Coal Festival" moniker. But really, who wants to ride in every other festival parade around the state in a car with a sign that says "Little Miss Pepperoni"?

The Vacation is Over!

2007-05-30T07:41:00.000-05:00

I've had a bit of an extended visit since my mom has been in visiting for the past few days. I knew we'd be busy, so I planned on not doing laundry or major housework. It was nice!

But yesterday Celia and I drove her back to the airport so now my vacation is over. Back to the everyday business of life.

Yesterday was a pretty great end to the vacation though. Celia was really good on the two hour drive to Pittsburgh. We left early enough to go to IKEA....a twice a year visit to a store I love! I got a lot of nice new things that I've been waiting for, and I didn't spend very much money.

We also had time to swing into Target. They put out their new Dollar Spot items and in it were the cheapy bubble wands that I've been looking for since Easter! Celia and I were thrilled. It's just a round plastic flower on the end of a long stick, but perfect for toddlers. And we only had one. Now we have plenty! That pretty much made my day. She also found a many tentacled ball that she asked for. I usually don't buy my kids stuff when we're out shopping (they usually don't ask either) but the look of desire on her face was so great (and the ball was only $1) that I got it. She loves it. And despite the stink of new plastic, I think it's pretty cool too. I am going to have to pick on up for Jordan though, because he loves it too.

We got Mom to the airport then started home. Celia slept the whole way to I got to sing along to Rent (my very favorite musical.....not kid friendly though, so I rarely get to listen). Then we came home to get out the new baby pool my mom got for Celia, which was loads of fun for everyone.

Unfortunately, here's where my day went to crap....Hubby has decided that he and a work pal want to buy a house to rent out. Which would be great...you know, if we had any money and could take care of the house WE live in. He mentioned it Friday....but I didn't think he was serious so just left it alone after stating my "I don't think that's a good idea right now" opinion. Well....they are having lunch with a mortgage broker today. Our discussion over that did NOT go well. I think I'm being a realist....he thinks I'm being overly negative and mean.

Whatever. I'm currently clinging to the hope that no sane banker would give them money, as I know we certainly have NOTHING for a down payment (we're still reeling from that $800 gas bill and braces!).

I'm also really busy today, so hopefully I won't have much time to worry about it.

We got a Wii!

2007-05-28T21:28:00.000-05:00

Well, technically Jordan got a Wii. His grandparents bought it for him for his birthday.

But it's in the living room right now since there is more floor space than in Jordan's room. So we all get to play lots of it.

You get to make your own little person, call a Mii. You can make them look just like you! Or however you want to look, in my case. My Mii has hip spikey hair and perfect lipstick. Two things I never have in real life, but my Mii is way cool so she has them.

Everyone seems a little worried that my favorite game is boxing. I really like it. I take great joy in beating the crap out of my family. In the game of course. I would never hit them in real life. But in the game, I kick serious butt. I am a force to be reckoned with. I am MOMMY, the destroyer.

So my apologies in advance if my blog seems a bit empty the next few days. I may be busy. My Mini Mii and I have to practice while the boys are away and increase both my boxing butt-kicking skills and my tennis game.

It's very important. Seriously. You can't even know.

Birthday Party Gone Bad

2007-05-26T22:14:00.000-05:00

Well, it sure was a memorable birthday for Jordan.

Everything went quite fine all through the pizza eating, cake cuttting and present opening.

Then we released the big kids to play in the attached room (we had a private party room at a fun center in our town....you can see into one of the indoor play areas from our room) while we cleaned up the mess and told them we'd take them out to the golf and stuff after a bit.

They were the cutest thing ever as they all trotted off in a line of excited kids. We remarked how cute they all looked since they were all wearing a different colored plain shirt....like a rainbow of kids. The dads and toddlers trailed along and everyone rode bumper cars while we cleaned up.

By the time we finished, the kids all decided to ride the spinny teacup ride. Everyone piled on (including Chris and Celia and another dad and his toddler).

But midway through the ride the door on one of the teacups flew open. The little boy closest to the door felt like he was going to fall out and grabbed the door opening. One of the other boys in the cup reached across and pulled the door shut (thank goodness) but it slammed on our little friend's fingers. His index finger was almost severed completely and his middle finger was cut to the bone.

He was a real trooper. He cried some as we applied ice and towels, but once we got him in the ambulance he didn't even sniffle...just asked me if he would still have his fingers for his beach trip next month. He was so brave the whole time. His mom met us at the hospital and his dad made it in shortly after. He went to the best hospital in our area and received great care.

I just spoke with his dad....they are on their way home. The doctors were able to re-attach everything and think he will have no lasting effects. It may take a few weeks to regain sensation, but they think it will come back.

The owners of the fun center are just distraught. They know it was their employee's (a high school kid) fault because he didn't even check the doors of the ride to be sure they latched. They have the whole thing on tape and took statements from some of the dads that saw everything. I know that they plan on making amends with the family (they told us we didn't have to pay for the party...which I think is a little silly because that doesn't really help the little boy and his family any).

Most of the other kids really didn't know what was happening. Chris wisked them away pretty quickly. A few were upset, but after we left Chris, my mom, and some of the other parents kept the party going.

Please be in prayer for our little friend....that he regain all sensation in his fingers and that his recovery be as pain-free as possible.

Fondant for Beginners, by a Beginner!

2007-05-25T16:20:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the big Star Wars birthday party. Luckily, my mom is visiting to help me make the cake!

This is my second attempt at a fondant cake (I'm a miserable failure with buttercream icing). My first was a rousing success, so I decided to give it a try for a party!

If you've never tried this before, you should. It's fun, and easy....take a little time though!

I put together a few batches of icing Wednesday evening....so they would be ready. Marshmallow fondant is better if you make it in advance. It gives any small clumps of sugar a little time to dissolve.

We baked three 9x13 cakes (from a box...I'm making fancy icing here, what more can you ask for!) yesterday so they would have plenty of time to cool.

Today we went in search of a cake box and put the sucker together.

First, I cut one of the cakes in half and trimmed the edges. Slap a blob of icing on the cake board (this keeps your cake from sliding around your board). Put down one half, a layer of icing, and the other half. We're using chocolate cake with chocolate icing, because that's what the birthday boy requested.

I then give the whole rectangle (this will be the handle) a thin covering of icing, just like a crumb coat on a traditional cake. This will give you something to make your fondant stick to the cake and will also help your finished project to look nice and smooth.

Now would be the time to color and roll out your fondant for the handle. I decided to be very fancy with this cake and make the handle silver (they make this really cool silver powder that you can brush on). I colored white marshmallow fondant grey to give it a good color base. Roll flat, cover your cake, and cut off the excess. This is when I brushed the edible silver powder on.

The actual sword part of this cake was tricky. Each 9x13 cake is cut in half longways , then shaped to look like a sword. Do the same layering trick. (Blob of icing, cake, layer of icing, more cake.) You may want to cover the adjoining part before you put the crumb coat of icing on (the handle you've already covered in fondant). Regular icing is hard to wipe off fondant! Then cover this part in fondant (I used a light green).

Then I used little bits of chocolate marshmallow fondant dyed black to the accessories. I just rolled them flat, and cut them out with aa pizza cutter.

The final thing I did was twist pieces of the black and grey together to make a rope to make the bottom of the cake look finished!

It's not a professional cake by any means, but we really like it. It's still missing the "Happy Birthday" letters. (Ermm, the cute little letter molds ate then right up. I'm just going to pipe letters on in the morning with black gel icing.)

So here is it......a LIGHT SABER CAKE!

Cat. I'm a Kitty Cat.

2007-05-23T07:41:00.000-05:00

We have some cats. Three of them, to be exact.

According to my neighbors, they are a menace. Always getting into the trash when they put it out on trash night.

First off people.....buy a trash can. You can get one with a lid for less than $10. Seriously.

Anyway, my cats are extra special super talented cats. At some point in their kitty lives they have acquire human intelligence. I don't know when they did this, but I guess they stole some keys. They made a copy and let themselves in and out at will. Because we bring them in every trash night, and they are still in the house the next morning. But that lady up the street insists that she sees my cats digging dirty diapers (eww) out of her trash. Not a raccoon. Or a opossum. Or a stray. It's definitely one of my cats.

So here they are, the troublemakers.

First up we have Periwinkle......AKA Mama Cat. She snuck out on our wedding night and got herself knocked up. (She was an inside cat so Chris saw no reason to have her spayed. Ha ha HA). The little minx. She has since been fixed, but I think she still has a little side business going on that I don't know about. There's just something sweet but sneaky about her.

Okay, next we have Baby Cat. Yeah, that's her real name. She's the only kitten we couldn't bear to get rid of. She is certainly not the mastermind of an grand plans. This animal is a couple carrots short of a salad. She's also incredibly skittish and only lets Jordan pet her. I had crawl up to her when she was sleeping and use super zoom to even get a picture of her. Take note of the blank, vacant stare. That's all she's got folks. Chris blames it on the fact that we picked her up and petted her to early as a kitten. I think Mama Cat got knocked up by a long lost cousin or something.

Lastly we have Brianna. She's my favorite. Unfortunately, she's also a prime suspect for sneaking out of the house. You see, she's the only cat with opposable thumbs. Necessary for using keys and opening doors. She's CAT, the missing link.

She is also my favorite because she follows the rules of the house. I've told these girls a million times...."If you're going to sneak out and go drinking with all your cat buddies, you better make it to the toilet with your little kitty hangover the next day. There's nothing I hate more than cat puke on my floor.

She gets it. And I love her for it. Though we did have to buy her that cute little Dora seat so she wouldn't fall in while yakking. You should see her trying to get it up there before she blows chunks though......

They are all due for a rabies vaccination this year. Wish me luck getting them in the carrier!

If these cats weren't cute enough for you, check out this one. He's my kid's favorite You Tube video!

Happy Birthday Jordan

2007-05-21T15:52:00.000-05:00

Ten years ago today, I woke up in the morning as a child and went to sleep at night as a mother.

I had no clue this was going to be the day my life changed forever.

I mean, I knew I was pregnant (34 weeks) and I knew things would soon change, but I had no idea how much. Just like any first time mom, you just can’t know how a child will change your life.

In addition to being a first time mom, I was really young. Only 19, still living with my mom as Chris and I hadn’t found a place yet. I had no life experience. I’d read everything I could find about having a baby, but books don’t really give you an idea of what a child means.

At 3:00 my water broke, and just over an hour and a half later my little guy was born. Since Jordan was only 34 weeks, he had some breathing problems at birth and had to be taken by ambulance to a better hospital with a NICU.

The first heartbreaking thing I had to deal with was not being able to go with him to the new hospital. Chris and his dad made the trip with him, and I went to see him the next day. He was so tiny, hooked up to a zillion wires and machines. It was so scary seeing him like that, but the nurses were so nice and told me I could change his diaper…..and he proceeded to crap all over me. I cried, because I was a hormonal post partum woman and I had no idea what else I was supposed to do. Thank goodness for good nurses again.

Amazingly, I caught on to the whole diaper changing thing and every other part of mothering pretty quickly. He made it easy. He was an almost perfect baby. Rarely cried, just generally happy to be around.

He has always been a pleasant kid. He never really went through a terrible-twos fit throwing stage, he’s never been mean. He’s made it pretty much unscathed through all our parenting mishaps.

We have on memorable video of everyone laughing at cats on the roof. Jordan went in to look out a window to see them and the window at the top of the steps fell in (who knew?) and came flying down the steps as he was going up. We forgot the camera was on and all you see for 5 minutes is out feet as we scream and run to him. Amazingly he somehow managed to squeeze out of the way as the window went sliding past. Once he was golfing with Chris and his dad and got swarmed by bees. We were worried about an allergic reaction, but he had no lasting scars (other than a huge fear of bees!) He broke his arm at daycare on Valentine’s Day when he was 4. Three days later I had to pry him and his huge casts of the monkey bars. He was (and is) an unstoppable ball of energy.

He’s amazingly smart with all the things he knows, the books he reads. He can talk your ear off, or amaze you with a song he figures out (on the piano or guitar) or just makes up on his own.

When his sister was born, he turned into the best big brother in the world. She fell in love with him. Every day when she wakes from nap, her first words are “Who’s here”. She can’t wait for “Bubby” to get home from school. He doesn’t get bored of silly toddler games and does his best to teach her to do big kid things.

And today, as he turns 10, he’s starting to make the change from big kid to young man.

Here he is, just a few months old.

Right before his first birthday he started walking. He was into everything!

At two he was a giggling ball of energy.

At three, my sweet playful boy.

At four, showing off his cat. He's always loved animals!

At five, he's a total goofball, hamming it up for the camera!

At six, the little man in our wedding.

At seven, a star on stage in the church Christmas musical.

At eight, a big brother is born.

At nine, he's all piratey goodness at his birthday party.

And here he is at ten. A young man.

I Turn Blue....

2007-05-18T12:36:00.001-05:00

...when I'm cold and wet, just like a little kid in the pool. Not all of me. I'm not a smurf for crying out loud! Just my lips...and hands....and feet. It's kind of freakish, and apparently it really bothers some people.

Yesterday we had a soccer game. I was going to do pictures beforehand, but the weather was on and off rain, so I cancelled those.

Then we had the big weather debate before walking out the door. Should Chris and Celia come to the game, or stay home. (We try to all be at events, but no reason for everyone to get wet!). The radar looked okay, like the worst of the rain had passed, so we loaded everyone in the car.

We got to the field and started loading the stroller up for the trek to the field and Chris asked where the umbrella was.

Umbrella? I didn't pack an umbrella! I got both kids in the car, each with all their gear! Jordan had all his soccer stuff, Celia had a sippy, stroller, snack, and change of clothes. I had all my coaching stuff....clipboard, treats for the boys, goalie gloves and shirts. An umbrella was asking a bit much.

Well, we got to the field, I warmed the boys up. We had a full team, so that was great. The other team got there (it was an out of county match, which always makes me nervous...I know all the coaches in our county. They are nice guys and teach good soccer) and they also had read shirts....so my boys got to wear yellow vest.

The other coach was a BIG burly man. His first words to me (and the reason I blame him completely for getting go wet) were, "Did you play last night? Boy, it just poured down the rain. 'Course, my boys could swim and play soccer, so it don't matter much. Hey, you like my #2? He scored me 20 goals last night. Over 60 this season".

Dude. Why are you telling me this? I really don't care. I'm trying to coach soccer over here. I have about 3 boys who don't "get" the game yet...and need pretty much constant coaching (not how I like to do things. I prefer to teach in practice and let them play....for the most part....at the games) whether they are in the game or on the bench.

Shortly after that brief exchange. It started raining. Not bad at first. Meanwhile, #2 was whomping my boys. Score at halftime was 5-1. Not good.

Celia and Chris spent most of the game under a huge golf umbrella with another team dad (and thankfully, one of our best friends). Celia was in her massive jogger stroller, the other dad in his chair, and Chris couched facing him....watching the game over his shoulder. It looked questionable, to say the least. At one point (Chris told me) some people were admiring Celia and he gazed up at the other dad and said, "Given the circumstances, they probably think she's OURS"

About two minutes before halftime the unpleasant drizzle turned into an absolute downpour. At one point, I was afraid my contacts were going to wash out of my eyes. We cut halftime short to get back to the game and get it over with....then had to pause everything and retreat to the concession stand because of lightening.

The ref (who was great!), burly coach and I all had a pow-wow on if we wanted to wait the required 30 minutes after lightening to resume the game, or call it and go home. I left it up to Burly Coach....because they drove 30 minutes to get to this game, and they'd have to drive (through weather) home. Okay....maybe that wasn't the real reason. I wasn't caving to any Burly Man. I'd be happy if he wanted to call the game, but no way was I going to say....eh, I'm cold and wet, let's all go home.

Plus, I looked around at the boys and they were having a ball running around in the mud. I wanted to give them a shot at actually playing the game.

After 30 minutes of waiting....everyone had hot chocolate (thanks to a very nice team dad...since the coach didn't even bring her purse or anything to the field...), I only had to clear the boy's restroom once (there was a hot air hand warmer in there and there was about to be a fistfight over it) we got back to the game.

I gave the boys a talk about #2....put on the pressure, don't wait on him....and contain (that was the word of the week at training). I'm really proud of them (especially my kid!) because they did a great job. They only let him get 1 more goal....then Jordan scored a goal.

But about the turning blue....yeah. I guess the ref was quite worried about it. He came up to me several times with a "You need to go in and get warm, coach" suggestion.

And boy I did. Just as soon as we got home, I decided that new bathroom fan really needed to be tested to see if it cleared steam from the bathroom. I took the longest, hottest shower EVER. And that fan works just fine!

New Diets for Moms

2007-05-17T14:07:00.000-05:00

These popular new diets were shared with me this morning at my MOPS meeting. I wanted to pass them along to all my mommy readers, because they totally cracked me up!

THE TODDLER DIET

People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days.
Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.

Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!
DAY ONE

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and cloth.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, four sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.
DAY TWO

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina DogChow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.
DAY THREE

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.
FINAL DAY

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: Drop pieces of spaghetti onto back of dog, insert meatball into ear. Dump pudding into Kool-Aid and suck up with a straw.
REPEAT DAYS AS NEEDED!
This next one pretty accurately describes my usual eating habits!

The Stress Diet
BREAKFAST:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

LUNCH:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

DINNER:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)
RULES FOR THIS DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)
Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."

Adventure on the Rail Trail

2007-05-16T08:15:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't live in WV, we have a really neat system of hiking/biking trails called Rail Trail. Basically, they are miles and miles of trails that follow an old railroad line. The tracks have been removed, and in some places they have been paved or covered in crushed gravel. They are pretty cool as you get to use the old train bridges or tunnels.

We have really been trying to walk more lately. Since we had no plans yesterday evening, we decided to hop in the car and drive the 10 minutes to Prickett's Fort State Park and walk on the Mon River Trail. As the name implies, it follows the river.

We've been stuck walking because....well, the cost of a bike for me and a bike trailer for Celia is a little much for us. Every time I walk the trail I get closer to buying one though!

Last night, we walked all the way to Catawba. Which may be a booming metropolis off the trail, the from the trail looks like the place that time forgot. There a big, white, boarded up house that sits right on the river. I want to buy it tomorrow, pry those boards off the windows, and move right in. (Because in my little fantasy, all the wavy old glass is intact under those boards and as soon as I wipe everything down with some Mr.Clean, it will be perfect). It's just so Fried Green Tomatoes.

I mentioned my fantasy to Chris and he shared with me in no uncertain terms I could put that one to rest. That's okay. Because in my fantasy, as I'm walking around the house checking it out, the neighbors come out. See, they own the property and hate the old place. They'll let me have it for just a couple grand if I just promise to do something with it. So every day Chris will go to work and Celia and I will drive out and just ramble around my big ole river house until we get it all fixed up and pretty and begin hosting river parties with the best ice tea you have ever tasted......and I won't be stressed out about my toddler getting out of the house and falling in the river that is RIGHT THERE because in this little dream, my girl doesn't run away at every given opportunity.

Okay, back to reality. It's a really nice trail. We got to cross a bridge and see lots of birds and little forest creatures. We saw one cardinal. That's the WV State Bird, in case you didn't know. So that makes them a little special. Not all that special though, because you can see them just about anywhere. We even have one brave bird (uh, we have 3 cats) living in the trees behind out house. He sits on our fence.

We also saw a cute little blue bird, which you don't see every day. Plus a chipmunk and a millipede (last time we saw one, I screamed and ran away). I did not personally see the nasty bug this time because Celia and I left the boys behind. See, my husband possesses this genetic abnormality that causes him to make noise ALL of the time. Singing, humming, clicking, whistling, tapping, never ending noise. He passed this on to our son. So Celia and I left the little noisemakers in the dust and moved to a quieter area.

She tends to be pretty quiet, with the occasional burst of conjugating her baby verbs. ("Boob-a fada, boob-a dada, boob- a mama).

So anyway, we made it all the way to Catawba. I looked at the map today, and it said it was only 0.9 miles. No way! That freaking map is WRONG. It's way farther than that.

On the way back we heard a train coming and really REALLY rushed to get back to the bridge I thought we might get to see the train cross....but it was across the river. Turns out that bridge we walk under turns into the MCTrail.....trains don't use it anymore.

If it's not One Thing, It's Another.

2007-05-14T14:52:00.000-05:00

I swear. It's impossible to get anything done around here!

After hosing out a basement rug, I made my mid-afternoon cup of tea. I got out the cream and big clumps fall into my tea.

Ack. I just drank that this morning! After a few brief moments of hysteria I realize it's not rotten cream (after all, it's CoffeeMate. Which is non-dairy...non....everything. I don't know what that stuff is...but it sure is good in tea!) it's frozen cream.

Something is going very wrong with our fridge. I've been noticing normal things (like the ice tea) getting some ice in them, so I've been turning the temp down. As of this morning, it was on 1. That's as low as it can go and still be on. When I got my frozen cream out, it was still cooling. I turned it off, then back on....and it stopped cooling. Hopefully it will start up again when it needs to.

That fridge is not very old either. Maybe 6 years? Worthless junk. I have a chest freezer in the basement that is at LEAST 40 years old. It works great. I guess they just don't make things like they used to.

We also had another impromptu project this weekend. The bathroom fan part of the fan/light fixture in the upstairs bathroom (the only usable one for just a few more weeks!) burnt up. We were afraid the motor might still be working and it could start a fire.

So off we went to Lowes to pick up a new one. I was a little excited, because I've secretly always hated that ugly thing. Chris wasn't so excited. He knew that he's be installing the thing since I don't deal with electricity. Plus I'm too short for overhead work.

We make our way to the "Bathroom Light and Fan" aisle and Jordan commenced pushing ALL the buttons and giving his opinion on which sounds best. The baby was amused. Chris and I then had to argue over a fan.

He wanted one just like the fugly thing we were taking out of there. There most basic model costs $36, but was no use to us since it was a low flow fan. That window has no window, so the fan is the only ventilation. The next fugly model was $56. The very nice modern fixture I was eying up cost $88. Chris said there was no way he was spending that much money on a bathroom light, we would get the fugly one. I said that there was no way I was wasting almost $60 on something that looks like it had been pulled out of a double wide when for $30 more we could have something that looked decent. He saw reason in that statement and we got the nice one. Understated and modern. Not trailer trash.

Later in the evening I took the kids out in the yard to garden and he got to work. 90 minutes later (after only one consultation from me!) we had a very nice, new, working bathroom light and fan. And three gouges in the vinyl floor. Chris has no clue how those got there. They definitely did NOT get there when he threw the old fixture to the floor in a manly display of anger when he finally wrestled it from the ceiling.

In any case, I'll be shopping for some new bathroom rugs this week. I'm going to re-do that bathroom in jungle frogs for the kids(mostly because the Frog Pod that I can't stop thinking abot!), so I'm thinking Lily Pad rugs. The search is on!

I Hate the WESTEST!

2007-05-14T06:58:00.000-05:00

I'm not fond of standardized testing by any means....but I do see a purpose in things like the ACTs, SATs, those kind of college prep tests.

I seriously hate the WESTEST though.

First off, my kid stopped learning anything new as of the end of March. That's where the WV school year effectively ends now. From that point on, everything it "reviewing for the WESTEST". No new stories are read, no new vocabulary words, no new math applications, nothing.

Plus, I feel like they really rush through some concepts (uh, like fractions!) in order to finish learning everything early. I mean, the WV CSO's are designed for a 9 month school year. If you squeeze them all into 6 months, then you're going to rush through something. That's if you don't miss almost the entire month of February due to City water problems.

Lastly, when this test is over on Thursday, my kid is done. No matter that school isn't over until June 11 or something like that.....the WESTEST is over, so there will be no more learning this year! This last month of school, traditionally spend on an end of the year review so that kids retain knowledge for next year.....nope, it's break time baby! Recover from the WESTEST time! We really don't give a crap if they actually learn it or retain the knowledge, just that they meet AYP (Adequate Yearly Progress) on the WESTEST.

So they start reviewing in April. They re-arrange the class schedule so that they have big block of review time. They hold assemblies and pep rallies to tell the kids how important the WESTEST is (ie, stress them the crap out!) I mean, it does go on your PERMANENT RECORD. It stays with your the REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Students are told to be in bed BY 8:00 each night (okay, no biggie, his bedtime is usually 9:00). To get up early and eat a healthy breakfast (not that crappy cereal your mom gives you on regular days...and I thought Life was healthy...). To wear school colors every day to encourage everyone to do their best (like mornings aren't crazy enough without finding out at 8:10 that my kid needs a yellow shirt). To take their time on the test (first on done gets detention).

From a teacher's perspective, I still hate this stinking test. They whole school year revolves around it. A teacher's success is found in not how well they teach or inspire their students, but how well they teach to a test. How well they teach kids to TAKE a test. And frankly, by the quality of kids in your classroom.

You can read all the inspirational books you want. Watch Lean on Me a million times. But there are still going to be kids that don't give a crap. They won't participate in even the most fun assignments. They won't complete classwork even if you do it together. You can forget about homework. And tests, they are just random fill in the dot coloring pages. If they even take the time to do it at all.

I'm not talking about kids with learning disabilities. I'm talking about plain old lazy, I don't care about school kids. They get younger and younger each year. And don't bother talking to a parent about it, because YOU are the teacher, it's YOUR job to teach them. Not the parent's fault if they won't complete home work. I mean, parents can barely control them the 6 or so hours they are at home, now they are supposed to care what's going on when they aren't at home. Not very likely!

If we want to talk about kids with learning disabilities, let's talk about how they are hurt by our "New and Improved" educational system. There are NO levels of classes any more. Everyone is lumped together in one class. You know, so they can receive a fair and equal education. Except, I don't think we're looking at this the right way. Sure, every student is given the EXACT same experience. But I don't view that as fair OR equal. Because some kids require more attention from a teacher to learn certain things. Which is easier to do in a classroom with 10 kids than it is in a classroom with 32. This goes for students with learning disabilities, gifted students who need more advanced work, and completely normal, nothing different about them at all students who just need some extra help in one subject or another.

So now we put them all in the same room. We have your Special Education (we call them Title One here in WV) teachers come into the classroom and assist the classroom teachers. Sounds great, right?

Two reasons why this doesn't work. First, there aren't enough Title One Teachers. They rotate between classrooms, teaching a class here and there. It works okay up to the 4th grade (when kids are with the same teacher all day) but after that, they rotate classes. Since there is not a Title One teacher in every classroom all of the time, there are often students who need extra help who go through the whole day without a single class where there is extra help. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

The other reason is scheduling. Not only are there not enough teachers to go around, but these teachers are expected to team teach with the classroom teacher. Only due to the schedule, they don't have the same planning period. Plus the Title One Teacher has to teach in 6 different classrooms throughout the day. 6 different teachers to collaborate with. Can you see how this doesn't work? It ends up being 45 minutes of the classroom teacher teaching math, then 45 of the Title One teacher teaching math (because we now have 90 minute blocks of math and reading, but the Title One teachers rotate in 45 minutes intervals so that they can get to more kids.

So take any kid (with a learning disability or one who is just struggling in general) stick them in a classroom with 32 other kids, throw in a handful of behavior problems (read, kids who have never been disciplined in their life and aren't about to start behaving now!) for 6 months. Then give them a huge, hyped up, standardized test. Show me how No Child gets Left Behind.

Now, my kid will do fine on the WESTEST. He's a smart kid. Reads well above level (which is a huge part of the test). Does okay on math. He's a good test taker. He'd do a heck of a lot better if it were not for our education system just about giving him an ulcer over it.

Curb Appeal!

2007-05-11T07:55:00.000-05:00

Okay guys, I need some feedback! I need some ideas.

I've spent a lot of time this spring working on the outside of the house. I think it's finally starting to look decent!

Now I need to do something about our deck. It's a great deck, was a big selling point when we bought the house. It's basically like having an extra room on our house during the summer months. I haven't gotten all my cushions and curtains out because it's been a workshop while finishing the bathroom. Tile saws are messy, but we're almost done with that portion of the project!

I spent a good amount of time figuring out how to get my morning glories to climb our wooden fence. I love the look of hanging baskets and flowers on a fence....but let's face it...those can be pricey. I'm really trying to save money this year. So I got a $1 seed packet of morning glories, wrapped the posts in string (which will hopefully get hidden quickly as the vine grows!). Then I noticed we would have a problem when trying to trim around the fence.....no way to weed eat the grass, but not the flowering vine. So I cut plastic planters and attached them to the posts with tack nails, then planted the Morning Glories inside of those. They have no bottoms, to the roots can grow down and out, but the vines won't get cut with the trimmer. Here's what I ended up with:

My new conundrum is what to do around the deck. The lattice is old and falling apart....plus it's a pretty dated look. I need things that are relatively inexpensive, and pretty maintenance free. Kind of impossible, but here's that I'm thinking. Also, I must get rid of the dirty white stone. I don't like them around the porch at all. Depending on how I'm feeling, I may scrub it up nice and use if to fill the center of the driveway. Maybe. I'm not really fond of it.

Front of the porch. The porch is off to the side of our house, this part is visible from the street. I'm thinking some more of my tall grasses here, and more daisies. I just love that stuff. Plus, one day, far into the future, we hope to have a hot tub out there. Sorry, but this deck is just MADE for a hot tub. The grasses would offer a little more privacy most of the year.

Side of the porch. This side borders on our crabby old neighbor's house and gets NO direct sunlight. I'm thinking hostas here. The big, dark green ones, with just a few of the smaller, more ornamental ones throw in.

Back of the porch. Here's where I need your help. I just don't know.

As you can see, there's really not a lot of room between the porch and the swingset. So I can't have anything (like those big green hostas) that takes up a lot of space.

This is also the part of the porch that has the most lattice. You can see under it, and it's nasty in there. They covered the small, old (brick and tile) porch with plastic before building the deck over it. The plastic is disintegrating. There are also a few strange pipes sticking out and a rusty old dumptruck way under there. Both of my kids have wanted that nasty thing, I have no clue why. I'm not real into crawling under there myself to get it and trash it, so it's stayed under there. And don't get me started on the Virginia Creeper. THE CREEPER.... (sorry, you must have watched Scooby Doo as a child to really get that one)

I'm thinking I'm going to have to replace the lattice here. And maybe just mulch. If I can find a vine that can be well contained (ie, doesn't try to take over my whole porch) maybe I'll put some of that in, or maybe just some sturdy ground cover. But I don't know. It gets very little sun. What do you think?

** Sorry about those pictures! I didn't get around to taking them until twilight.

Sausage Roll

2007-05-10T13:22:00.000-05:00

Over on the WV Bloggers board we've been having a discussion on what it THE WV food. Since the board is overpopulated by southerners.....they are saying bean and cornbread. (Ewww)

Sorry guys, no matter what the polls say, it's Pepperoni Rolls. Invented in WV still can't get them anywhere else. I'm not giving out a recipe, because it's pretty simple. Take some pepperoni, roll it in bread dough, bake. Your product will only be as good as the ingredients you put in it.

Today, we're talking about Sausage Roll. My family loves this stuff. It's an idea I got from my mom, but have adapted a little to make it easier.

You will need:

Some breakfast sausage (browned and crumbled). I don't know how much. Whatever comes in a normal size tub.

A can of French Bread Dough

6 slices cheese (We like Velveeta, but also do cheddar. Any cheese will do though).

Okay, so you've crumbled and browned the breakfast sausage. Drain it well.

Open the can of dough. Unroll it (just look for the seam, it's rolled up jelly roll style). Lay flat. Cover with cheese, leaving about an inch at the end clean for sealing.

Put the sausage on top of the cheese. Try to make it a pretty even layer. Again, leave that inch at the end.

Get that inch at the end slightly wet, roll the whole thing back up and pinch closed. Back seam side down according to the french bread dough directions.

Let cool slightly.

If we're having this as a main course for a meal (it's great for breakfast with eggs, or dinner with macaroni) then I slice it about 1 inch thick. If we're having it as a snack or I'm putting it out as a party appetizer, I slice it more thin.

Hmmm, I'll have to add some pictures to this post so you can see just how yummy this thing looks. I guess that means we'll be having sausage roll for dinner soon!

He'd forget his head, if it wasn't attached.

2007-05-09T13:36:00.000-05:00

This is what I tell Jordan's teacher as I drop his forgotten lunch off for the 47th time this year.

"Yeah, we've figured that one out too" She smiles and replies. Seriously, he'd be walking around like this:

Instead, he just takes funny pictures of himself with my MacBook camera and runs around forgetting some very important, non-attached things. Lunches, homework, money, socks...

Celia has a great time taking the lunch to his school. She feels like a real big girl. We don't stick around long though, because we had important stuff to do.

Like sit in my fancy smancy lawn chair and take pictures of Celia running around the yard and playing with the hose.

I know, I know, big waste of water. Not an environmentally friendly activity. In my defense, I only turned the water on a trickle and turned the hose on mist. Mostly so she couldn't spray me, but it did also help conserve water.

Oh, but my fancy smancy chair....boy do I love that thing! It's a cross between a folding camp chair and a lounge chair. It's heaven....in aluminum and mesh. We bought it when I was about 4 month pregnant with Celia. We were walking through Sams Club, and I spotted it. After 4 months of battling a rather wretched case of morning sickness (that lasted all dang day) in front of equally wretched middle school kids......I wanted nothing more than to sit in it. I gave Chris my "I really need that chair" eyes and told him my summer plans entailed sitting in THAT chair, in the shade, and not moving for 3 months. I think I even gagged a little, just to get the point across.

So we bought the chair, and I did sit in it all summer. We even took it to the beach and he carried it down there for me every day. And it's been sat in every summer since.

Okay, I have to rant about shorts. I just want to buy a nice pair of shorts. No one sells nice shorts this year.

Well, that's not true. I found some really nice ones at Banana Republic, but I'm not paying that much for a pair of shorts. Especially ones that may not look that great on me. I'm not quite as tall and leggy as the models they use....plus I sure won't be wearing heels with them!

Because I did go try on some shorts. The breezy cotton gauchos that look so comfy and cute. They made my butt look to be the size of New Hamphire! it was awful. I was embarrassed to be wearing them in front of my toddler in a locked dressing room.

I looked at some other shorts. They were so tiny I could have tanned my butt cheeks while wearing them. No thanks.

So I'm stuck with my breezy skirts....which I really like. I got two last year form Gap that I love. They are reversible....so it's really two skirts in one! Stretchy smocked waistline....very forgiving of the extra ice cream I might like to eat. Casual enough to wear over my swimsuit, still dressy enough to wear to church.

They do have a really irritating habit of flying up and (hmmm, how did Dave Mathew's say it...) showing my world, well, to the world at large. In the parking lot of Burger King nonetheless, while trying to change my toddler in my friend's Suburban as she is doubled over in laughter at my backside flashing all of Sabraton while I try not to drop my squirming toddler in an effort to cover my own butt.

Thank goodness I've never been one of those trendy, thong wearin' mamas!

I guess I'll just make sure all my panties match my outfits again this year....or at least until I can find some good shorts.

Thanks Mom, Marrow Donor Drive!

2007-05-07T17:55:00.000-05:00

Here's your chance!

If you missed it last time I blogged about becoming a marrow donor, now you have a another shot!

This is a big deal folks....you could save someone's life!

How many chances do you have to do something that big for another person? Unless you're a doctor, policeman, paramedic, fireman, or one of those other lifesaving professions that I'm forgetting, not too often.

It takes no skill, so special training. You don't have to spend years in medical school or jump into a burning building.

All you have to do is register to be a marrow donor. This week, in honor of Mother's Day (this Sunday, get me something nice, hint hint) you can register for absolutely free! Some nice person somewhere is paying all the lab costs for you to get registered. Isn't that nice of them?

So come on, do it for me. As your Mother's Day gift to me (no, I don't need bone marrow). I know, I'm not your mom, or the mother of your children (except for Chris, who does read this, but I already made him sign up. So he actually has to go out and get me something. He'll tell you how painless and easy it is to register.) But it's important to me. So do it already!

All you have to do is go HERE to register. Somewhere in that process (near the payment end) it will have a field for a promotional code, so here it is:

thanksmom0507e

Get everything filled out and in a few weeks you'll get some more information and some extra large Q-Tips. All you have to do is wiggle them around on the inside of your mouth, send them back, and go on with your life.

You'll probably never hear from them again.

But one day, you might get a call, and you could save the live of someone's mother. Or their child, father, sister, brother, boss, friend, or crabby neighbor. And you will feel really good about it.

So do it!!!

Woozy at the Dentist's Office.

2007-05-07T13:16:00.000-05:00

Jordan had his big dental appointment this morning, the one to get his mouth all ready for braces. He had an extra tooth that needed to be removed, plus some cavities (he inherited my weak, deeply grooved teeth...poor kid). Anyway, we knew he was going to need to be sedated for the tooth removal and decided to all the unpleasant things (molds of his mouth for braces, a cavities, etc) at once.

We're kind of doing it step by step because, well, it's costly. We have dental insurance, be we still can't afford to do all of it at once. And the biggie that the insurance won't cover is sedation. But my little guy has worked up a serious case of anxiety over this....plus....no way would I get a tooth pulled while wide awake. I'm not going to expect my kid to do it. So we got all the nasty stuff taken care of while he was drugged up.

We scheduled it first thing this morning because he couldn't eat for 12 hours beforehand. He wakes up ravenous each day, so we figured the sooner we get it over with, the better. That meant all of us had to be out the door at 6:50 this morning, a full 40 minutes before we're usually awake.

He did great though! We admitted afterwards that he cried some during the shots, but that he didn't even feel anything else. He's still pretty dopey, and starved. He's done nothing but eat. And drink Coke. He never gets it, but the dentist recommended it and said to give him as much of anything he wanted to drink, so he's working his way through a two-liter. And loving every minute of it.

But the wooziness....oh it was awful. We went in the little consultation room for post-op instructions and such. She started talking about oozing and clots.....oh my. My ears started ringing, my face was tingling.......I had to ask her to stop talking and put my head between my knees for quite awhile. (What, you thought I was talking about the kid being woozy? The one who just had 2 hours of dental work and is doped to the gills? No, he's fine....)

So fine in fact that when I told the girl I was feeling woozy, he scooted fast as a cat to the other end of the bench, just in case there was some puking. No one wants to sit next to their mom when she pukes (though I wasn't feeling like THAT at all, just like I was about to hit the floor), even if they are floating on cloud nine!

Celia also had her very first cleaning. I made it through that one fine (as did she).

We're done with the dentist now for at least a month.

An Impromptu Project

2007-05-06T19:58:00.000-05:00

After a perfectly peaceful evening of family fun in the backyard, we all tumbled in the house and got into our "calming down for bed" routines. Chris took the baby up to the bath and Jordan and I were just laying around in the living room.

About 8:20, the doorbell rings. It's hand-in-the-pants boy (with both hands in view today) and his older (like, I'm thinking 14) brother. They want to know if Jordan can come out and play. Uh, no. I don't even know you. Plus, bedtime at my house is 9:00.

Five minutes later it rings again. This time it's little dude (who I'm grudgingly starting to like), wanting to borrow Jordan's bike. Uh, no. That's just not something we lend out.

So I go in the kitchen to make my evening cup of tea and glance out the window to find hand-in-the-pants boy and his brother rolling around in our yard.

I walked out on the porch and said "Um, you boys need to go home. You can't play out here when we aren't in the yard" (Or, like, even when we are because I don't like you)

Blank Stares. Nothing.

"Seriously, go home. You can't play in here when we aren't out. It's not proper!"

This is met with the exaggerated sighs and arms in the air as they huff out of my yard. I'm sorry, I don't put up with that attitude from my own kids who I know and love....much less some random brats who think I'm running a public playground.

Then I realize they have drug out a bunch of our toys and looped the swings around the playset.

So now I'm heated. Furious. I make Chris empty out the Honda and find a Lowes that's open late. I retrieve some fence sections and other gate making materials in short order. Those poor Lowes guys. They're trying to close up shop and I'm making them shove fence sections into our tiny CRV. They did it with a smile though.

So here's our weekend project. Saturday all that got done was Chris drilling a hole in the concrete of the driveway, filling it with epoxy, and sticking a threaded rod in it. (The epoxy hat to set up for 12 hours) Then we played in the yard.

Jordan and I decorated the swingset with chalk and he practiced his ninja/monkey moves.

Celia didn't sleep well and was in an all around great mood!

I weeded a bunch. Here's the current state of my garden. I was inspired by Barbie Girl and my Turkey Mama friend Lee and planted tomatoes and basil in some of the driveway pots last week.

Then Jordan banged his hip on a beam and we retired to the house.

Oh yeah. Here's another reason for the gate. Hand-in-the-pants boy had a big, mean, barking dog that they leave tied up outside all of the time. Why would you get a dog and do that to him? Anyway, he is not a happy camper and I'm just waiting for the day he breaks loose and goes on a mauling the neighbors frenzy. Not in my yard puppy.

Plus he barks. All. Day. Long. Unfortunately my gate isn't going to do crap for that.

Sunday, after we got Celia down for her nap, the real work started. We got one section of fence hung, then Chris had to cut the top of the rod off at the right height.

Yow. Those sparks were hot and I had to move. How do you like my hubby's work face? Home improvement makes him crabby.

Then we got the other section up and put the latches on it. But we messed up and couldn't close the gate, so we had to take them off and start again. Re-do!

Oh, and my friend Heather made me this super cute tool-belt. Isn't it the greatest thing ever? The only tools I keep in it are the phone and a pair of scissors, but I feel very domestic and handy when wearing it. Hubby suggested once that I lose my pants and just wear the toolbelt....but I think he was under the influence of the ghetto rap blaring from hand-in-the-pants boy's house. I let him know in no uncertain terms that wasn't going to happen.

There is is. A finished gate. Take that you miscreant punks.

Stay outta my yard!

What Dreams May Come....and Why I Can't Watch The Daily Show.

2007-05-05T08:31:00.000-05:00

I've always been prone to having hilariously weird, non-sensical dreams. I think it's because I eat junk food right before going to bed (also why I'm getting chubby).

Anyway, I had a conversation with my best friend about dreams yesterday and have decided to share with you some of the most memorable ones.

First, the one I called her to chat about, a dream I had Thursday night. I called her about it, because her kid was in it and I thought she ought to know.

We were getting ready for a soccer game. Only the soccer complex was out behind the new Super Walmart (you know, home of my recent identity crisis?). And Chris worked at Walmart, he was like a regional manager or something. Help us all.

Anyway, the game was getting to start to I ran across all the field to try and get Chris to come out and watch. He would not, and I ran all the way back out there. By the time I got to the field, I found the game was starting, but we only had 5 players. (U-10 plays with 6 on the field) so my friend had put her 3 year old in so that we didn't have to forfeit.

Oh, and this team we were playing, they were high school boys. Big high school boys.

So I'm just watching the game in shock and panic. Right before the 3 year old has to do a throw in, another one of my kids gets there so I'm standing on the sidelines with him screaming "Sub! Sub!" at the red because I KNOW she can't keep both her feet down for that throw in.

Anyway, half time rolls around and the boys come over and I wildly congratulate them because the other team has only scored once, and I say "Good job boys, I though we were going to get CRUSHED". What a stupid thing to say to a bunch of little boys. Thank goodness this is where I woke up.

Then she told me about her crazy dream Thursday night. It made her a little uncomfortable, so to make her feel better I told her about one of the worst, most mortifying dreams I've ever had.

See, I was having.....ummm.....relations............... with Jon Stewart. And he was totally not into it. And in his very clear, to the point but still sarcastic way, he was telling me just how I was NOT doing anything for him. A most certainly "It's not ME, it's YOU moment." But I just kept well.....doing what we were doing......determined to change his mind. Jon eventually got really angry, because frankly, I was wasting his time.

I used to love watching The Daily Show. It's news....but it's funny. What could be better than that?

But now every time I turn it on, I see nothing but the stern judgement of Jon Stewart.

To make matters worse, that man has a really irritating habit of showing up in other places. Things I want to be watching.

Like the Grammys.

And to make it worse, the very first thing he did was participate in a skit that ended with him standing on stage in his underwear.

That one right there sent me screaming from the room until everyone obliged me and turned the channel.

Can someone please tell Jon to keep his dang clothes on and stay off of network tv?

A Pain in my Neck!

2007-05-04T14:01:00.000-05:00

Stress does weird things to you as you get older. This week I have a new one (for me). It is quite literally a pain in my neck.

It was fine all day yesterday (you know, when I had the opportunity for a free massage). And it felt fine this morning.

Then I had to hang a shelf. I think I've mentioned before that I am shelf hanging impaired. I have a real problem with the whole "straight and level" thing.

I may have also mentioned that the very pretty shelf I had hanging over the desk upstairs fell (the cheap bracket broke right in half!) two weeks ago....about 2 second after Jordan walked under it. Half a step slower and the kid would have had a concussion. But he was having a lucky day and made it out alive....though terribly frightened.

This shelf had been home to everything I didn't want Celia to have: pens, pencils, markers, scissors, envelopes, the few paper bills we still get, paper cutter. All that fun stuff. Luckily, I had an extra shelf just sitting around, looking for a home.

I've been asking Chris to hang it for me, but he hasn't gotten around to it. This morning I took the phone bill and markers away from Celia for the millionth time and had had enough. I decided to try and hang the shelf myself.

Target made the whole "straight and level" thing really easy for me. This is a floating shelf. You screw a long internal bracket to the wall, then put the shelf on. So all I had to do was hold the bracket up, with a level on top, and screw the thing in.

Easy as pie.

But then I couldn't get the danged shelf to hook on. And you can't see back there to figure out WHY it wouldn't hook on. I may not have uttered any swear words, but I sure was thinking them!

About the 47th time that dang shelf slipped off the bracket and almost crashed into the computer monitor and printer, that pain in my neck decided to show up.

Dang it.

Anyway, I finally got the up, just in time for a friend to come over and play. I abandoned all housework and took the girls outside.

First, we had to check out the pink flowery bush thing .

Then we had to swing a little. First, like mature ladies.

Then Celia had to swing on her belly like a crazed monkey. Not that you can tell it from this picture.....but I like it anyway.

Then we had to get out some chalk and color on the playset. Now, last year I painted some plywood with chalkboard paint and hung it in there. The boys have decorated it with sweet sentiments like "Stay Out" and such. The girls are happy to just scribble all over the playset.

Finally it's time to come in and eat. She's getting tired. I just love those little wisps of hair on her face!

My Husband, the Psychic.

2007-05-03T13:41:00.000-05:00

At least he told my therapist he is.

Not really, but that's totally what it sounded like, and after that I could NOT stop laughing. I just sat in my chair snickering and giggling. For the rest of the appointment.

Which is not the best thing to do when you're talking to a therapist about your marriage. In my defense, the therapy session was pretty much a mute point anyway. We have already made it through the past two month's were he accidentally (sort of...I told him that it would suck, but it didn't think it would suck THAT bad, so he went ahead and scheduled everything. Halfway through he realized I was right, he scheduled too much and it really DID suck, but was already committed) scheduled an amazing amount of crap one after another. Needless to say his presense in the home (both physically AND emotionally, the latter being the part that irked me) was a little lacking. So we're done with all that, he's once again the present and helpful husband that I married (though I'm still a crazy loon and will continue therapy for some time on my own).

So going into this meeting, we were kind of relaxed because...well, everything had already been fixed.

So when she started asking Chris about his work , he started explaining the constantly changing aspect of it and how he likes it that way because he is "psyc-lik" like that. He meant cyclic. I totally got that.

She didn't though....just raised her eyebrows and asked him to explain what that meant, serious as can be.

Which is when I lost it. And never regained control. I hope we don't have to talk about that when I'm in next week.

In other news, it was spa day at MOPS. I got my eyebrows waxed (for the first time ever.....but don't go thinking I was a big uni-brow mess before today, I can assure you I was not!) a massage and did a yoga-ish stretching session with some sports therapist guy.

Which led me to another bout of uncontrollable snickering and giggling. Most of the moves he demonstrated were followed by an "advanced level" of the move. You know, something fast and wild looking. And they were all kind of funny...wild arms flapping around thing.

But then we got to stretching the umm...pelvic region. As we're all standing on one leg trying to stretch our pelvic muscles, trying desparately not to fall over, I joke with the mom next to me about the advance move for that one, thinking surely.....surely there would be none.

Oh but there was. There was. Gyration like I have never seen before (in a church no less!). I had to turn my back and fake a coughing fit as to not reveal myself as the immature goofball that I really am. After all, I don't know these ladies very well yet.

I'm pretty sure that no one was fooled.

Peepee Paranioa

2007-05-02T12:39:00.000-05:00

AKA Rolling Up the Rugs.

I can't get past with aliteration thing this week for some reason.

Sometime in the 30 seconds while I ran upstairs to use the bathroom, Celia peed in her little potty (in the living room) and tried to empty it all by herself. Needless to say, a mess was made.

Since the floor has to be mopped again anyway, I decided to roll the rugs up and take them outside. I'm terrified of the house smelling...well....like we have semi-pottytrained toddler getting pee everywhere. So I got the one rolled up and out (we have two side by side...a bargain trick I learned from HGTV....sometimes two 5x8 rugs are less expensive than a big one, and if you lay them side by side you can't really tell it's two rugs) onto the porch. I wrestled the thing until I had it neatly draped over the porch rail and came back for the other.

I discover that mommy's little helper is working hard to get the job done without me!

Anyway, I finally got both rugs out, sprayed them down good (front and back) with some lysol. Then I figured while they were out there I should beat on them a little.

I mean, that's what people so with rugs outside anyway. Not like we have an actual rug beater or anything (does anyone have those anymore?) so I used a golf club. I think it was a wedge. (Hon, it was that one you took to the football field weekend before last....it's still outside. What kind of club is that?) You'd be amazed what came out of that thing. I'm not even going to tell you. It's appalling.

But if you have area rugs, you should really give it a try and see just how ineffective your vacuum really is!

Blogger Blowouts and Bargain Brags.

2007-05-01T21:50:00.000-05:00

Nice Alliteration, huh?

Alright, so most of my day was wasted by me playing around with my blogger template. I know, a complete waste of time as I had a perfectly fine template, but I'm tired of it. Last night I fought with a 3 column template, unsuccessfully. This morning I changed up my color scheme to my favorites (pink and brown). This afternoon I got the 3 column thing to work with a hack template, fixed all my links, then tried to change my color scheme. Nope, can't do it. But I'm learning...it'll get there. And I have a really great idea to give my page some individuality, but I need Chris to help me out a little on that one. He knows my MacBook better than I do.

I do have to share a Celia picture and story. While making beds this morning I discovered that sometime she has peed in her bed. Ew. How this escaped my notice yesterday or whatever day she did it I don't know. So we took the sheets of and threw those in the wash. But her mattress was a little.....unpleasant smelling. So I threw a layer of baking soda on it, got some fresh air circulating in there (yes, baking soda really does work that well. And if it doesn't, spritz the mattress with vinegar. I know, you're thinking vinegar is stinky stuff...but when it dries, the stink goes away and it takes all other stink with it.) We got dressed, went outside to play.

A little later we come in for lunch. She finishes, says "I'm done" and leaves the kitchen. I was still eating, so I sat there reading a magazine and eating my sandwich when I realised it was really quiet.

Quiet is not good.

So I call her name. No answer.

I walk around the downstairs, looking in all her favorite spots. Nope.

I start to get hysterical and check to be sure the doors are locked (I know she would run if she could get out. I never even had to shut a door when Jordan was a toddler, but this one is a runner. I live in fear of forgetting to lock a door and having her run away). I'm running around, screaming her name.

I know she didn't go upstairs, I didn't hear her to that. But as a last ditch before I call the police effort I run up there.

Sure enough, that little booger had tiptoed up the steps. She knew I would stop her, so she got sneaky and quiet. I found her just rolling in baking soda on her mattress, patting it on her face like powder, using her little butt (our house has apparently become a clothing optional resort for toddlers) as a powder puff to dust everything with baking soda.

I decided to her the shopping done tonight while I could leave the kids with Chris. To my delight I found that I felt fine at Target and Giant Eagle. No identity crisis there. I guess I'm just not a Walmart shopper.

Anyway, I feel like I did great, so I'm going to brag on my shopping a bit. First, for $50 at Target I got:

32 Rolls of paper towels ( I know this seems a little excessive, but you had to get this many to get the deal...they ended up being .40 a roll. I may never need to buy them again)

10 tin plant labels (just because they were cute)

3 Ribbon headbands (same darn reason)

2 Polos for Jordan

3 Doorknob covers (the socks and rubber bands looked a little ghetto, but I'm not sure these things will keep the little escapee in)

1 Polo for Chris

1 Pair of Jeans for Chris (they actually fit him, yay!)

A buttload of Star Wars stuff for my son's upcoming big birthday party...he's hitting double digits this year!

Okay, so not too bad a Target. Now on to Giant Eagle. Here's where it gets good. For my $50 there I got:

10 boxes Eggo waffles

5 Boxes Cap'n Crunch (How retro is that! I used to love that stuff)

10 bottles of relish

3 gallons milk

3 loaves of bread and a bunch of hot dog buns

2 things squeezable jelly

A monster bottle of ketchup,

Some more baking soda!

A bunch of really yummy looking produce, I even sprung for the good lettuce this time!

A ton of other stuff to piddly to list. I just love the totals on the bottom of my receipt..

Total Due: $49.53
Total Saved: $43.51

The bargain high I get....priceless.

Sorry if these past few posts have become a little too blahg and boring for some of you. Thanks to my favorite verbotomist (okay, so I only know one, but still favorite!) for giving me a new label to obsess over. Keep in mind, I'm writing this more for me than for you!

Changing things around.

2007-05-01T06:55:00.000-05:00

Alright guys, I think I have the blogging thing down pat. If you're one of my readers that I know in real life and you've visited my home, I'm sure it has not escaped your notice that every time you visit, the furniture is re-arranged. There will generally be at least one room under construction and another that looks completely different from the last time you were here. I can almost guarantee I'll have a different rug in my living room.

Well, it's time for the same thing to happen to my blog. I've been doing this for a few months and have figured out some things, now I need my page to have it's own look. The look I have now is one that 5 gazillion other bloggers are using, and I just can't stand it.

So for the next month, I'm going to probably be playing with the look of the place. I'm an html idiot, so it will probable take that long for me to get the look I want. You'll probably see a few transitional looks somewhere in there while I'm learning about changing things around. I have a BIG IDEA for my new, improved, original and totally unique blogger look, I just have to figure out how to get it up here.

Please be patient. Don't take it personally if the link to your blog (or the other blogs you like to read) disappears from my sidebar for awhile. I promise to put them back......it will just take me a little time.

What do I do all day?

2007-04-30T13:01:00.000-05:00

Ah, the stay at home mom's favorite question! This week it was tentatively posed to me by a working mom who is at her wit's end with some of the habits her little one is picking up at the sitters and trying to keep the house in order after a long day's work. She certainly didn't mean anything by it, and I took no offense at it (though I certainly have in the past, when it hasn't been posed so politely).

I will say this...your house won't be any cleaner. Sure, you'll have lots more time to clean, but your kids will also be there a lot more time, messing it up faster than you can clean. You kids might not even be much more well behaved, because kids just naturally have bad habits and go through difficult stages, even when they aren't learning bad behavior from their daycare buddies.

At the very least, you don't have the whole "Am I neglecting my kids by putting them in daycare" guilt (You're not....but I don't know a single working mom that doesn't feel that guilt at some point). You also don't have the added pressure of whatever you have going on at work. You will be lonely and sometimes feel like your brain is rotting away.

So anyway, a look at one of my days. A monday....otherwise known as recover from the weekend (me and the house!) day.

7:50- Wake up because the phone is ringing. Hubby let me sleep in so I could sleep off some of my crabbiness from the weekend. Make my first cup of tea and sit on the couch drinking it, checking my e-mail and messages. Make sure Jordan is ready to go out the door for school.

8:30- Feed Ms. Celia the toast and raisins she is demanding. Walk around the house scooping up clothes and throwing them in the nearest hamper.

9:00- Commence my "how was your weekend" call with my best friend. She keeps me sane. We had a lot to talk about and I let Celia watch some cartoons (after all, she needs to recover form the weekend too). While on the phone I started putting away the clean laundry from Friday night's folding frenzy and realized Celia's drawers needed cleaned out. Took all the clothes out, got rid of the too small, too warm things and put everything back in, folded and neat.

9:30 Still talking on the phone, discover that Celia has found some orange drink and has poured it into her play kitchen pots. Quickly remove all orange drink from her area before she drinks from dusty pots or coats every surface of the house in orange stickiness. Get her a nice, cold, CLEAN sippy of juice.

9:45 Still on the phone (seriously, we had a lot of important ground to cover) take my seedlings outside for some sun. Discover that Celia has followed me onto the porch and is dancing around buck naked in the morning air. End phone conversation and drag naked toddler back into the house. Begin the dressing and hair fixing ritual of the day (her, not me).

10:00 Wash my face, brush my teeth, throw on some pants, tie a bandanna around my crazy hair.

10:05 - Escort toddler and all paraphernalia (her potty and new bulldozer bunnies, my gardening gear) outside. I decide to weed around the playset while she digs in the pea gravel.

10:07 - Run back inside for wipes and fresh pants for the girl as she informs me "Whoops, I peed!" Turns out she did a little more than pee.

10:10 - Round two of weeding and digging. She's bored with the bunnies and decides to color every patch of mommy yellow with dandelions.

10:20 - Realize that we are not wearing sunscreen. Honestly, I don't put it on us in the winter (like I should) so I'm not in the habit of doing it this spring. Back in the house for sunscreen.

10:30 - I've finished the playset area and move to the garden in progress. It's a thin strip of raised area on the other side of our unusable driveway. Last summer we tilled it up and let it become covered with weeds (great plan) so it's constant maintenance right now to keep the weeds from taking back over. By this time next year I hoped it's a beautiful weed free area of blooms!

10:35 - After fighting with Celia since she wants to come up with me (and trample the pumpkin shoots and daisies) I get her a bucket of water. She is entertained for awhile.

10:45 Move to new area that needs cleared for Clematis. Celia helps me dig a little there, then we dig up a huge anthill and evacuate.

11:00 - Back in the house for a snack. Chris's mom left us some brownie cupcakes with peanut butter chips. I get one for the baby and scarf down three before I come to my senses.

11:10 - Celia starts playing a complicated game with Raffie the Roboraptor and her duckies. I complete various piddly tasks like bill paying and working out Jordan's bug dental appointment next week. Also spend a good bit of time trying to figure out what's going on at Buchannon-Upshur high school as my friend is quite worried. Chris works in media so I'm the go-to source for breaking news, but he knows nothing in this case.

12:00 - Lunch time. Celia requests her favorite, peanut butter and pumpkin sandwich. I give her that and a bowl of applesauce and begin my whole "huffing, puffing, bleaching down the kitchen while cursing previous owners for painting cabinets white". I do this at least once a week. I need to stop blaming them as we've owned this house for seven years now. In any case, I'm plagued by fingerprints and various food smears and do my best to eradicate them.

12:30 - Scrape peanut butter from my little girl's face, send her on her way and resume the degermification process.

1:00 - Find the girl cuddling with Raffie (the large plastic dinosaur) and declare it to be naptime. Convince her that naps are good, that she does need one, that Dad really wants her to take one. Rock her and plop her sleepy butt in bed.

1:30 - Clean out the car while listening to see if she really is going to sleep. I had estimated the car wouldn't be too bad since I did the whole vacuum and wiped down thing two weeks ago....but it's filled with crumbs and mud. Nothing I can do about that today....and not much point in it anyway. Soccer season will do that to a car. Separate trash from toys and get it looking halfway respectable.

2:00 - Check on Celia, she is indeed sleeping soundly. Gather up old clothes I removed from her dresser and put them with the stuff to go to the Union Mission. Cart all 3 bags of donation stuff to the car....pray that I remember they are in there next time I drive past the box. Clean the upstairs bathroom.

2:15 - Check my mail and messages, start writing this blog. Get various reports of chaos from Buchannon, say a quick prayer that all is a hoax like the media is reporting.

2:40 Celia wakes up. I dash upstairs and convince her to go back to sleep. An hour is NOT a long enough nap. Back downstairs to get sidetracked by my Sudoku widget (give me a break, it's making me smarter!)

3:00 Celia is up yet again. I go up and lay down with her to try and get her back to sleep. I doze off, she does not. I wake to her trying to wiggle out of the bed. So we get up.

3:30 Jordan gets home. We all get on socks and shoes and go outside. I weed around the dogwood tree while the kids play in the pea gravel.

4:00 I whip together some ice tea base and lock the kids in so I can shower.

4:20 Desperately try to motivate Jordan into finding his soccer gear and getting it on.

4:40 Tell Jordan is he and all his soccer stuff is not in the car in 5 minutes I've leaving without him. Have a big fight about how he can possibly lose shin guards, why they are not where they are supposed to be, and how I'm not buying him a new pair. Wrestle him into my shin guard (which are entirely too big) and obsess about whether I look like a skank in my new tank top.

4:45 Leave to pick up a teammate (Jordan made the cut off) and get to soccer complex.

5:00 Soccer clinic starts. As a coach, I have to be there, but I don't have to do much. I chatter with another coach about how our teams are doing and try not to stare at the ruggedly cute soccer instructor.

5:30 Have a discussion with a parent about equal play time. (My fallback argument is "Well, when you fill out your forms next year, make sure you let them know you're willing to coach. They are always looking for good coaches." That usually shuts them up since no one wants to coach. They just want to gripe about the coach.)

6:00 Try and make sure each kid from my team has a parent there (it's a zoo), grab some soccer camp forms....try and make sure everyone knows when the next practice is (same darn time every week, which is SO confusing to some) and corral my two boys to the car.

6:30 Home. Whip up some biscuits to go with the casserole Hubby threw in the oven. Father in law stops by for a discussion about the bathroom remodeling. Celia is hungry and generally wreaking havoc.

6:40 Dinner. Ah. A few minutes of everyone sitting somewhere (after I remind them to plant their butts and not move until dinner is over) and eating (after a few reminders to zip the lip and eat some food). Discuss with Hubby what we're going to do about neighbor kids playing in our yard (when we aren't out there). We decide to get moving out that gate, ASAP.

7:00 Clean Celia up, find her some pants for our walk. Gather things I need to take to neighbor.

7:10 Just as we put on shoes, massive rain storm comes out of no where. Walk is cancelled.

7:30 Send Chris up to give Celia a bath, tell Jordan he better find those shin guards. Then explain how I am not amused as he digs them out from under a chair and dances around the living room, hooting at the top of his lungs. Grudgingly allow him a brownie (only because it means I get another one) and a few computer games. I (obviously) am working on this blog again. (After another game of Sudoku)

8:00 Can anyone say bedtime?

So there's my day. Probably quite boring to most of you, but now you know what I do. On a normal day.

Home again, home again.

2007-04-29T20:35:00.000-05:00

Just got back from our weekend on the go.

Glade Springs Resort is a very nice place. Very posh. It would be a great vacation for someone with older kids (oh, and piles of $$, it's very spendy. Lucky for us most of the trip was covered). The have great trails for golf carts, bikes, rollerblades. They have a bowling alley, an awesome swimming pool. Basketball and tennis courts (both inside and out). There are several really neat scavenger hunts to go on. Several ponds for fishing, canoeing, or paddle boating.....and a stable.

Not the easiest place to corral a toddler for an entire day while daddy works. The staff was nice enough to let us have our room until 4 (unheard of!) so we could take several breaks in there during the day.

First thing this morning we hit the pool. I thought it was a great pool...my kids were somehow not overly impressed. I think Jordan was bummed that there were no other kids there (yeah, at 9 in the morning!). He wanted to sit in the hot tub, but I didn't want Celia in there (plus, well, he didn't need to be in there either). I'm not sure what her problem was....she's usually a little water dog, but we stayed only about an hour.

I think a good part of is was that she was really restless last night and woke up screaming at 3 with leg cramps. Thank goodness we had an end room and one of Chris's (very understanding) co-workers on the other side.

So on to the playground. One of the sheets the front desk gave me listed a toddler playground, but it wasn't on the map anywhere. Just the "Children's Playground". Jordan made himself right at home. Celia took of her sock and shoes, then peed. Pants honey! We take off our PANTS when we pee!

The emergency clothes were in MY car...we brought Chris's. I did have emergency panties in my purse so my toddler spent 20 minutes jumping around the playground in a sweater and Dora panties. Nice.

Then we went back to the room for a snack so Jordan and I marched the half naked marauder right through the resort lobby and up to the room for fresh pants. He provided great cover by running in ahead of us shouting "Nobody look at my sister. Do NOT look at her. She's not wearing pants. Look away, look away". Then he ran screaming for the elevator.

Way to keep things low key, son.

After a costume change we went off and had a great lunch at the Small Talk Cafe. They also had a whole case of yummy looking goodies that I planned to come back for later.

Then we went to the stables. We had no intentions of riding, just wanted to pet some horses. Again, the staff was super nice and told us that we could wander the barn and pat all we wanted, as long as we stayed out of Strawberry's stall. Strawberry had a little fight with the door earlier in the week and was dejectedly wearing a halter and lead while the door hung crooked. We avoided poor Strawberry but did get to give some hay to some other really nice horses. They had great variety, little ponies, super huge horses. All were very eager to munch some hay with their great big smacking horse lips.

Jordan now wants us to move onto a farm....Celia was equal parts terrified and thrilled.

Then I set the kids loose for an hour or roaming around the resort property, tried my best to keep them out of the line of fire from any golf balls. We found some "porcipines" (pinecones) rolled in the volleyball sand.

Cleaned everyone up and found dad, running late as usually. I politely informed him that the kids and I were leaving at 4:30 and recommended he wrap things up since it's a long walk home from Beckley.

Prompty at 4:30 everyone was buckled in and by 4:35 kids were snoozing while I chowed down on a very yummy brownie pecan pie concoction. It tasted just as good as it looked.

I'm exhausted from kid chasing, but other than Celia's two screaming episodes (she had another from Clarksburg to Fairmont. It was either "You made me wear a diaper in the car and I peed and now my butt is wet and I'm mad" or "the sun is shining in my face at a really bad angle so I want to kill you all") it was a decent trip. For the kids.

So much to say, so much to say...

2007-04-28T20:16:00.000-05:00

All you Dave Mathews fans will now have that song stuck in your head all day. The rest of you (losers) will just see it as another blog title.

It's been a really long days, so I'm going to start at the beginning and hope to finish before I fall to sleep.

Jordan soccer team, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers had their second game of the season this morning. After our defeat last week, the boys were feeling a little nervous. I did some research on the team we were going to play against (read, asked little dude who played them last week what he thought of them) and found that they are still coming together as a team (read, we had a pretty good shot at beating them). I told the boys I wanted them to get in there and sneak a goal in right after the whistle......before the other team even knew what was going in.

To my surprise, it worked (I wasn't sure if that was a good thing to tell a bunch of little boys) and we went on to win the game. I'm not a big "WE MUST WIN" coach.....but after losing our first game I was really wanting to win this so the boys wouldn't get into an attitude of defeat for the whole season. Now that we've won a game, the pressure is off (no one wants to be that team that loses every game) and we can just play some soccer.

We had to drop one of the boys off after the game, then home to throw out stuff together for a little overnight get away. I had most of the stuff laid out, so we just had to load the car up. My MacBook is a great travel item as it doubles as a DVD player for trips, if we need it (I don't like to use it, but it was a 3 hour drive). I asked Jordan to get one of his movies and one of Celia and throw them in my purse....just in case.

So we all piled in the car and took off. I went right to sleep. It's better for everyone that way. Hubby drives like a maniac and me clutching the window and whimpering makes him very unhappy. That didn't last long....because Celia decided she was NOT going to nap. Odd for her, as she usually sleeps well in the car. She really wasn't too bad, but about 2.5 hours into the trip she had enough and wanted out! I dug through my purse for our emergency video...and guess what....it wasn't there. Never ask a 9 year old to complete a task that you REALLY want done. We ended up watching the same four goofy clips I have saved on my iMovie until we arrived.

Oh yeah...we did have one pit stop so Celia could pee in the weeds. Classic. I helped her (since Chris's technique gets pee on her pants) and the boys said we looked hilarious.

Which brings me up to our current destination..... Glade Springs Resort. It's very nice....definitely a fancy smancy place where I must keep my kids reigned in and not allow them to destroy things or act unruly.

I had already informed Chris that he was totally in charge of the kids (uh, mostly the little one who has missed her nap) from the instant we got here until he had to go to work at 8 (what, you thought this was some kind of vacation or something? Please. ) That worked out just GREAT since our reservation had not been made (thank you very much Fellowship of Christian Athletes) and I had to chase my little cyclone of terror around a very high class lobby filled with delicate glass tables, flower arrangements, and fountains for 25 minutes. We finally just ended up getting out own room (though that has been fixed now) and tried to take the kids to dinner.

We came in the room, Celia immediately stripped buck naked and jumped on the bed (in front of the open window) for five minutes while Jordan cruised the kid's channels on tv.

For some reason (off season?) only two of the five resort dining options were open for dinner....the sports bar and the "Up-scale Dining Facility....It Has a Dress Code". We obviously weren't going to take the two year old into anything upscale, so off we went to the sports bar with our kids for dinner.

The whole "Dad is in charge" thing didn't work out all that well. He let her crawl back and forth under the table (Ugh!) until food came, then got mad because she wouldn't stop crawling under the table. They had a big screaming (her) hissing (him) fight and I had to drag her out of there for a time out on the terrace. Which was a crap plan in itself because the terrace overlooking the golf course with all those funny dressed men driving little tiny cars was MUCH more appealing than the food inside. She much preferred just to stay in time out.

Unfortunately, my salmon was getting cold so I drug her back in. Lucky for me, this lady sat down right beside us wearing the ugliest hat (black ball cap covered in bling) so she sat staring at that while I gulped food. We got out of there fairly quick and went to check out the bowling facilities.

They were really nice! Very family oriented. Even the rich kids (who live on the resort, they are building lots of fancy houses all over the resort property...Chris is practically drooling over them) were very nice and helpful. Any time one of the toddler's balls (another family that Chris works with is here, their little girl is Celia's age) didn't make it down the lanes one of the boys would waddle down the gutters and give it a push. Pretty nice of them, I thought!

The girls quickly got tired of bowling, which left Jordan to bowl all the frames on the kids lane (everyone was happy with that scenario). Then back to the room.

A quick aside- I love Mac. I love iTunes. I love the free, fast, wireless internet here at Glade springs. In the time it took Chris to give Celia a bath, I found two Blues Clues cartoons and downloaded them. $1.99 for sanity that will never be left at home (in Celia's purse...some miscommunication there!) again.

Tomorrow Chris has to work all day. I'm meeting up with the other mommy and we're hitting the pool and the playground. We checked them both out before turning in for the night and they look REALLY nice. We're not talking 9x16 hotel pool here. This thing has a few swim lanes, sloped walk in (much more fun for toddler playing the the first three steps at any other pool). The play area looks great for the girls....Jordan will have fun anywhere. That kid is Mr. Go with the Flow.

He's also a self appointed travel critic. Very open with his opinion. When we got to the security booth and they didn't have our reservation, the guard let us in anyway. Jordan commented "Whew, we're lucky this isn't one of those really NICE places....they don't let ANYONE past without a reservation". He was also concerned about a few cracks in the marble in the lobby. He was very happy to learn that he got a bed all to himself (the beds are super high...we're afraid Celia will fall out so she's sleeping between Chris and I) and spent at least 5 minutes trying to stretch himself to reach all corners of the bed. He was pleased to discover he couldn't do it, proclaimed the place high class, and went to sleep.

Who Am I?

2007-04-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

I swear I don't even know anymore.

A woman on the verge of some kind of breakdown, that's for sure.

Why? I have no freaking clue.

I just seem to have lost all identity of self. And where so I have this epiphany? In the middle of freaking Walmart!

You'd think I would be happy. Out of the house, without the kids, on some invented just for the purpose of taking a shower and leaving the house errand.

But no, instead I feel like some out of place alien being out in public without at least one child to attend to. See, when I have my kids out in public, I'm their mom. MOM....the one in charge. The one in control. She's handling everything, keeping everyone happy and behaving.

Without them I'm just some lady walking around Walmart telling herself to act normal.

In Walmart. Have you checked out the other people who are shopping in Walmart after 9 at night? I'm telling my self to act normal so THESE people won't think I'm weird? I don't even know these people....they certainly don't know me and I'm sure that they could care less that my makeup doesn't look good or my clothes are too snug because I'm getting chubby or that in my own head I'm chanting "BE NORMAL" so I don't break down and cry in the middle of Walmart for my lack of purpose in life.

When the heck did this happen?

Was is because I quit teaching?

I don't think so. I mean, I don't miss it. I'm not really in a hurry to go back. I just had a conversation with a friend today about how I'm glad I'm not teaching middle school anymore because so many parents are screwing up their kids and there's not a lot a public educator can do about it. So I'm very glad not to have that stress in my life right now. Plus I know I could not bear to leave my sweet baby girl to go back to work....and I know I want to be home every day to greet my exuberant boy as he rushes in the door from school.

Was it because we left the old church and started looking for something new?

I don't think that's it either. I mean, I was already on the fast road to a breakdown there anyway....just for different reasons. I didn't agree with a lot of the theology and we were just overwhelmed with responsibility, with no support to back us up. I'm kind of sad because it has effected my relationship with my best friend a little. We still talk every day....but I guess I didn't realize that both of us have been so busy in the past 9 months with home and church that the only times we've spent together WAS at church. And I miss spending that time with her. And since I'm not Miss. Popularity I don't really have any other friends....so I've been spending a lot of time just home alone with the kids. I'm becoming a regular agoraphobic hermit.

So that's part of it. I just don't have a lot of other adult interaction. I'm forgetting how to act among grown ups. And I feel completely out of place with them, like I just don't belong.

On the bright side, Hubby has informed me that sometime in June he will be able to take a day off work (to make up for his weeks of travel and inaccessibility) and spend it with me. Hopefully I can stave of complete meltdown until then.

All I ask is that if you're going to take odds on when and where I'll lose it, please send me a cut of your profits to pay the medical bills.

Baby Saying Big Words

2007-04-26T10:58:00.000-05:00

Here's a video showing off my family at their best.

Celia is a little parrot who will repeat anything she hears, so we're taking advantage of it to get her to say some funny big words. Until she starts stripping off her pants.

Jordan is feeding the words to her and cackling like a hyena in the background.

Chris makes an appearance in the end to say "Hey, I don't think you were recording"

Umm, yeah, I was.

NEWS FLASH

2007-04-25T11:53:00.000-05:00

CELIA POOPED IN THE POTTY.

ON HER OWN.

A REAL, HONEST TO GOODNESS POOP IN THE POTTY.

It's a great day.

Where's a Walmart When You Need It?

2007-04-25T10:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Celia and I were gardening maniacs! We got the pumpkin patch all ready, weeded the back flower garden, weeded and planted the front gardens. It was a ton of work!

We also had to take a walk down the alley to find some "porcupines" (pinecones) for Celia to play with. She loves those things.

Anyway, we called Chris and asked him to stop at the new Walmart near his office on the way home and pick up some mulch. He came home at 5:45 empty-handed.

He couldn't find Walmart.

The enormous, huge, SuperWalmart that sits right off the interstate. Nowhere to be found.

So I sent him right back out to our Walmart for mulch. I NEEDED that stuff. I didn't want ot have to weed again in a few weeks.

He got there and called me to inform me that they were out of the Cypress mulch I had requested.

His first suggestion was the red mulch. (Ewww...NO, not the RED mulch)

So we settled on black mulch.

Turns out, I really like the black mulch! I think it looks really good next to my house. I hadn't noticed before, but the cypress mulch just kind of blended in...the black is a nice accent out front. I'll need to get more for the back gardens as I only mulched around my pumpkins.

Pumpkins, in action (well, not so much). Watch them grow and take root!

Here's my little tee-pea (ha ha ha, cracks me up everytime! Me and Jordan....) I built for the pea plants. The are slowly but surely climbing up the thing. I'll post a better picture on that soon. Ignore the gutter falling off my neighbor's garage.

Now that I have the front all mulched....I need to do something about the railings. They where white when we moved in....but needed repainting. I decided that they would look better black, so I started painting one black. Then I ran out of paint. And I quit.

So we have one white rail and one black rail. Very white trash tacky.

Chris thinks we should leave them, as a sign of how we don't care about color. One is white, one is black, and we love them both the same.

I think the black mulch settles it though. The railings need to be white.

I'm not being racist here. We have all this nice looking black mulch. We need white railings for a little diversity.

What do you think?

Oh, and can someone please tell all those dandelions that they have been sprayed, it's time to hurry up and die now?!?!

Riding the Wave of Productivity

2007-04-23T20:24:00.000-05:00

We managed to get a ton of stuff done over the weekend, and I'm still getting stuff done today.

Saturday morning Jordan's soccer team (I'm coaching) had the first game of the season. The boys played really well and I was very proud of them. We lost the game, but most of their shots were luck shots....and I think we can avoid those next time.

Then we took the kids to Dairy Creme Corner (I'm sure I've blogged about this place...but I can't find it. So maybe I just thought about blogging about it. In any case, if you ever come through Fairmont you MUST go there) and got the kids some ice cream. Jordan can finally finish a small cone, and Celia was a glorious sticky mess after her baby cone.

We came home, put her down for nap, and Hubby and I commenced to attacking our overgrown, weed ridden yard.

Wouldn't you know it, that mower started right up for him. On the first pull. Stupid sexist piece of machinery.

He cut the grass, I did all the edging. Then...umm...I don't remember what happened. We did some other stuff outside that needed doing. Celia got up and we walked over to the football field and hit some golf balls....then some dinner and more yard work.

I chided hubby into helping me clear the spot of our soon to be pumpkin patch. He was not into the clearing of weeds thing, made a rather tactless comment that he has begged I not share. I glared at him and sent him to play Frisbee with the boy.

Celia is turning into a real helper in the garden. I gave her a bucket and her little watering can and she carefully watered every patch of dirt out there.

Sunday was church, more yard work. We had another bush to remove...I let hubby use the axe this time....I think he enjoyed it. Then we took the kids over to play in his parent's yard as ours had fertilizer on it. Put the kids to bed and put up some tile.

All in all, a pretty momentous weekend in our usually slovenly lives.

So today I did my best to stay on the wave. I did the whole "move all the furniture, roll up the rugs" mopping of the hardwood floors thing that only gets done about 4 times a year. Usually 3 of them during the spring/summer. There just something about beautiful warm weather that makes me want to throw open the windows, turn on the fans, and mop my floors.

Celia and I also planted some more seeds. Peppermint, Chamomile, Sage, and some Morning Glories. She watered our little baby pumpkin plants (yes, I know. I will most likely have pumpkins in August now....someone told me I should start them so I did. No big deal...we'll have pumpkin pie in August and I'll plant more for October). She's very cute and careful with her watering...and talks to each and every one as she makes she they get the right amount of water.

Oh yeah baby. Check out that pink tile on the wall and the brown linoleum floor. Trendy. I'm starting that room (on a much smaller scale) as soon as we finish the bathroom.

Also, will someone get that girl a ponytail holder already?

Tomorrow we hit the yard as soon as the boys are gone. Hopefully we'll get those pumpkins in the ground and plant my Clematis.

"Honey, Don't Stand Still Too Long...

2007-04-22T21:47:00.000-05:00

....or your butt crack will get stuck shut."

Huh? This is what my husband says to me as I'm putting up tile in the bathroom (that's right, after 4 months we're FINALLY ready to tile the shower).

"Don't stand still too long or your butt crack will get stuck shut"

"What the heck are you talking about?" What the heck IS he talking about? This is just another example of my, working hard, and him, staring at my butt.

"Umm, you've got some of that white goop (mastic) right...well...on your butt crack. I don't want that to freeze shut on you."

Thank hon. Thanks. We should probably let everyone know this is a hazard of laying tile....butt crack adhesion.

He makes it sound like I'm laying tile in the nude....let me assure you I'M NOT!

I did make a very bad choice and wore my new black yoga pants....boy I hope that stuff comes out!

I did have him take some pictures of my butt...but honestly, it looked a little too fluffy to post on the internet. So use your imagination. And make it look good for goodness sake!

Anyway, here are some harmless pictures of us working in the bathroom.

Here I am, squished into a little corner of our little tiny bathroom (5x8). Take note of how I level up that bottom row if tile. That's right, a couple shims, some craft sticks. It's a new technique. I'm thinking of patenting it.

I got the bottom row on and straight and much of it up. My knees were getting stiff from being folded for suck a long time....plus Chris was itching to do something other than hand me tile. So I gave him a turn.

He quickly decided that he was "no good at spreading the goop" (his words, not mine). So I put the mastic on the wall and he stuck the tile up there.

Just like Celia and her stickers.

Die Mower, Die!

2007-04-20T19:55:00.000-05:00

Is there anything more frustrating than a lawn mower that won't start? You push the little button to prime the engine exactly 3 times, just like it says. You pull the cord, and nothing.

Not a darn thing.

You pull and pull and pull and pull and pull.

And nothing.

So you push that button a few more times. Still nothing.

You drag your son out to help you hold the bar down while you pull the cord.

Still nothing.

That darn thing never did start. Even after I kicked it.

It did work just fine a few week ago. It had been parked on the porch all winter. Hubby decided he needed to start it "just to make sure it still worked."

While it was sitting on the foam puzzle mat for the playhouse.

Oh it worked alright. Chopped that mat right up.

Since I couldn't mow the lawn, I decided I would do things backward and try out my new trimmer.

My mom send me a gift card for a new trimmer. She told me how much she loved her electric one and after some discussion I decided that's what I would get. I was initially worried that the battery would die or make it weak, but she assured me it worked on her (huge, enormous, country) yard.

So I picked up this Black & Decker GrassHog Trimmer Edger. Fancy Fancy.

I've never actually used any kind of trimmer before....I was afraid of my father in law's....it requires a strange combination of oil and gas to run. Plus you have to knock the thing repeatedly against the ground to make the string come out. No thank you.

Now this new wondrous piece of yard equipment...the string feeds automatically. It comes with two little rechargeable batteries. Easy as pie.

I'm not great on planning in advance, so the battery didn't get fully charged before I yanked it off there to try the thing out.

It was so great! I love it! I got my whole backyard done (front yard has to wait until nap time tomorrow). Then I'm going to use that edger thing and edge everything. My walks, my gardens. Everything. My yard is going to be as neat and trim as the Catholic church up the street.

Once I get rid of all those stinkin' dandelions that is.

I also planted both my strawberry plants and my peas. I know, it's late. But we've been having some really un-spring like weather up here and I didn't want my little plants to freeze.

The strawberries....I'm not so emotionally attached to them. I bought a little box of plants at Lowes for 3.97. If they grow, great. If they don't....eh, we'll try next year.

But my peas....my baby peas that I've nurtured from seeds. The first seeds EVER to grow in my house into actual plants that could be planted in the ground. I'm so scared for them.

I built them a cute little tee-pea (get it?) with a bamboo and string trellis to climb up. Then I planted them out there and left them to fend for themselves. Wind, rain, hungry cats, grabby kids. It's just not safe out there. The backyard can be a very scary place for peas.

Playing Soccer with the Boys

2007-04-19T19:36:00.000-05:00

There is just something about running around a soccer field with a pack on 9 year old boys to make you feel better about yourself.

We were a kid short of a real scrimmage so I had to play. It was kind of hard...to play my position and simulatiously coach the boys. Remembering which ones to play hard against and which ones to take it easy on. I've got to say, I don't really have to take it easy on many of them!

I should also probably wear shin guards if I'm playing with them. I have 3 (count them, 3!) knots on my legs. One on the back of my calf so shin guards wouldn't have done me much good on that one......

Anyhow....while my entire body aches from running that much when I'm kind of out of shape....for 45 minutes I didn't think about anything other than soccer.

And that was kind of nice.

Social Outcast

2007-04-19T14:06:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had a dream so horrible that when you wake up, you feel like people looking at you must just know all about it?

I woke up this morning (after a mostly sleepless night anyway since Celia woke up a million times) from terrible dream. I still can't wear my contacts because my eyes are so dry and irritated. I got out of the shower and could barely squeeze into my jeans (due to the large amount of peanut m&m's I've been consuming in a feeble attempt to ease my emotional distress). Thank God for stretch denim and tunic shirts. My hair was also not cooperative.

Anyway, I somehow managed to get both kids out of the house fed, dressed, and with all necessary supplies for the day at 8:30 in the morning just so I could go to MOPS.....a messy haired, sleep deprived, bespectacled, my-butt-is-too-big-for-these-jeans, attempt to be a normal person for a few hours.

If the other mommies noticed, at least they were nice enough to say anything....but I spent the whole morning feeling like a complete social outcast.

This afternoon I just drag through the useless drudge of house cleaning and feel like a completely inadequate mom. Celia can't sleep either and has pretty much deteriorated into walking around the house crying for her dad (just like she did most of last night). Frankly, there's not a damn thing I can do to make her feel better. So we're just going to watch cartoons and cry until soccer practice...where I get to slip into the skin of a normal person once again and she gets to go play with a friend.

As a consolation, my therapist insists that I'm quite rational, sane, and normal. I'm thinking I should really have her write that one down next week.

The Best Way to Cook Bacon

2007-04-18T12:13:00.000-05:00

After much research, I have discovered the very best way to cook bacon. Quick, easy, almost no clean up. And I'm going to share it with you. But first, will you look at these peas?

Something I planted from a seed is actually growing. Every year I plant a whole bunch of seeds. About half of the sprout, then get knocked over by a cat or die for some strange reason. You know, like I forget to water them for a week or water them so much that the only thing that can grow in that boggy mess is a crop of mold?

Anyway, my peas are growing really fast and my pumpkins are sprouting up nice too. I'm going to be brave and put the peas out in the ground this weekend.

Okay, moving on to bacon. The best way to cook bacon is in the oven! No greasy splatters all over your stove top, no bacon smell in the microwave. Plus it's pretty fast!

Start by preheating your oven to 425. Get a baking sheet with a nice rim, cover it in foil. Place you bacon on the sheet, be careful not to overlap.

Stick pan in the over for 10-14 minutes (depending on how crispy you like your bacon). Keep an eye on it. You should rotate the pan halfway through so that it cooks evenly. Remove the bacon from the pan and place it on a plate with paper towel (or McDonalds napkins, if you have run out of paper towels again but happen to have a pile of napkins left over from when you friend brought you ice cream in an effort to stave off complete emotional breakdown last night).

If you let the pan cool the grease will solidify, so you can just remove the foil sheet, grease and all, throw the whole mess away.

The recipe I found (which I'm not linking because it had several inconsistencies) says you can place several trays in the oven at the same time. Don't try this. I found it burned one pan to a smokey crisp and left the other way undercooked, even if you switch them around in the middle. The result is you ruin half a perfectly good pound of bacon and don't have enough for what you planned to do with it, so you have to just sit down and eat the rest of it all by yourself.

So stick with one pan at a time. Soon I'll share with you my super yummy crouton recipe and then you can make yourself a nice salad.

Playing with Scissors.

2007-04-16T17:27:00.000-05:00

Look what I did this evening....

Oh, I know. I said I wouldn't do it. I said I was growing it out. It just needed a little trim around the edges. But once you get started, it's just so much fun!

And I didn't cut the shortest part on top hardly at all. So it really wasn't much more than a trim...it was just more of a trim than I had planned. Short hair is just so easy though...

I'm really going to grow it out this time though! Sister-in-law asked me (and the kids, but we're not talking about them here!) to be in here wedding. I'm pretty sure she would like to NOT have to explain to future friends "who the cross-dresser in the wedding party is". Maybe I'll just wear a wig. (Just kidding guys, I promise to behave and not do anything goofy at the wedding.)

My hair cutting technique would cause heart failure in any respectable stylist. I basically grab a hunk of hair, and start clipping away. Sometimes I even have to use my left hand (I'm definitely a righty). I just clip and clip away until I have the look I want, then I dust off and take a shower.

If you're going to cut your own hair, the bathroom is a great place to do it. It's easy to clean up, and it's close to the shower. It also has a door that shuts and keeps the kids from "helping".

There are two very important things that you MUST do if you choose to cut your own hair in the bathroom.

First, take the toothbrushes off the sink. Your family will thank you for this.

Second, pull the plug on the sink. You really don't want a bunch of hair in the drain. If you want to make clean-up easier, dry the sink first as well.

Here are a couple of pictures where you can kind of see the new 'do. While I may be able to cut hair in peace, I certainly can not take pictures in peace!

Chaos Ensues.

2007-04-15T21:14:00.000-05:00

Thankfully, it stuck around for only an hour.

We had a pretty quiet evening. Mostly because Celia was way overtired and I plopped her butt in bed at 8:00 on the dot. Jordan was watching a movie, then went up to his room to play with Legos. I went up at 9:00 and helped him with his fluoride treatment and put him in bed.

I came downstairs and decided just to relax a little. M*A*S*H was on and I wanted to watch it again as I'm all nostalgic over it now. (As long as they keep showing the lighter ones!) I also decided to pig out a little. I made tea, had an English muffin, then decided I needed some snack mix. I went down to the basement (where I keep my huge stockpile of free stuff....I'll show it to you sometime when I'm feeling more friendly).

I get down there and notices that the corner is leaking again (big surprise, it only leaks when the ground is REALLY saturated....you know, like it is right now...) and a hissing.

My first freak out is natural gas. I had a nightmare about that around 3 weeks ago. That didn't last long as I didn't smell any natural gas (or anything, for that matter. Which is pretty funny since our basement usually smells like butt).

Then I realized that carbon monoxide was colorless and odorless! Ack! But that doesn't slowly eek out of a pipe....it's a combustion byproduct.

That leaves water. I figure out what pipe I think the hissing is coming from. It's not a heat pipe, I'm 99% sure it's not a gas line (just in case my sense of smell is all off, or the gas company figured that since prices went up they could no longer afford to make it stinky), but there is no water anywhere on that side of the basement.

I debate about it and decide to call my neighbor. I would hate for my house to blow up in the middle of the night after I kind of knew something was wrong and didn't do anything about it. He tells me he's on his way and I open the big door....which causes the alarm to beep (it beeps when any door or window is opened) and for some reason this wakes Celia up. (We open the door frequently after she's asleep and it usually never bothers her).

So I run up the steps and tell her to go back to sleep and back down to watch for the neighbor. She usually just needs a little "it's night, go back to sleep" and she settles right down. Not tonight. No sooner do my feet his the bottom step than she's fussing again. I peek in Jordan's room on the way past and see that he's still up, reading "The Hobbit" so I send him down to watch for the neighbor. I pat Celia for awhile and come back down, neighbor is here, and I send Jordan to bed.

We go down to the basement and friendly neighbor uses his pocket flashlight to trace the pipe behind a bookcase and through a wall to our Pittsburgh Potty.

Ours is actually an updated version. It was placed under the stairs for a little privacy (though only enough headroom for one of Jordan's hobbits to use) and a door was added. We gut us a fancy bathroom!

It's not been used since we have moved in. But it's there. In case of extreme emergency, it's there.

And now it's leaking.

Celia starts fussing again. I dart upstairs just long enough to implore her to go back to sleep.

Back down to the basement to find friendly neighbor wrestling with a rusty shut off valve. He manages to get it shut off and I send him on his way, with some of my peanut butter m&m's as payment.

Celia decides to fussy again, this time she has to go potty. I totally didn't intend on night training her, I'm completely happy leaving her in diapers overnight. But she isn't, so we get up, she pees. Then I rock her a little and put her back down.

Into Jordan's room to tell him that all the noise is over and he MUST go to sleep, since it's now 10:10 on a school night!

Now all that I've got to deal with is three very rambunctious cats (there was another person in the house AND he opened up a room in the basement that they were NOT allowed to explore).

And of course, my snack mix....which is what started this whole she-bang in the first place.

Don't Face Facts, Face Faith.

2007-04-15T12:28:00.000-05:00

This was one of Pastor Crabtree's points from his sermon this morning. It really spoke to me.

The sermon itself was about running the race of faith, using Hebrews 12 as a focal point. Basically, know that there will be hardship in your life. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that becoming a Christian makes your life all sunshine and roses. Nowhere does it promise endless health until the day you die. Being a Christian doesn't mean you are handed a "get out of hardship free" card.

In our search for a new church, this is something I'm very happy to hear. I've been in churches before where it is preached how God hates cancer, he hates suffering. If you just pray hard enough, if you are faithful enough, then you will be healed. I don't buy it. I just don't. God doesn't just hand out hardship as a punishment. (Not saying that doesn't happen, but it is certainly not always the case). There is a reason for everything. Sometimes it's clear what that reason is. I'm sure you've seen someone of great faith struggle in body with a disease, though their heart never wavers from their faith...and by being a visual example of faith, others are led to believe. Sometimes it's not clear. Tragic things happen every day for which no man can see a reason. But it's there........

Some times hardship is a discipline. Not necessarily a "you've been a bad boy, get to your room" discipline.....much as an athlete much be disciplined to hone their skills. They must work hard every day, avoid food or drink that will harm their body or take away from it's performance. It's hard, but they aren't being punished. They are being trained for the race they have coming up.

It's a pretty clear parallel. Sin is what we've got to avoid...it's harmful to our soul. The hardship is a form of conditioning...of training. It gets us in shape for our race of faith.

Also, the alter call was very laid back today. I like that. I know as far as alter calls go your can't make everyone happy all of the time. Some people like to see an alter call every single week. I mean the big, "If you want to accept Christ in your life you've got to stand up RIGHT NOW and walk down here in the front, in front of all these people looking at you, DO IT" type of alter call (often followed by the call for all followers to stand and come forward if "You want to receive the blessings Christ has for you or something that you feel like you have to stand for because, hey, who doesn't want that.....but you also feel like a sheep just following along with the crowd when it happens week after week with no conviction from anyone. my apologies on this run-on aside).

Anyway, it was pretty much, "If you are ready to take this step of faith with us, please come up here after service. We have some alter workers who would love to speak with you. If you're a follower and you are feeling discouraged, like a runner in need of hydration, please come down and we have some people to pray with you." Very laid back. No pressure, just a we're here with open arms kind of call. I like it.

Sometimes I feel like the big pressure type of alter call is exclusionary. I worry that maybe someone was sitting there, feeling called to Christ. That they prayed and confessed. And they just can't stand up in from of all these strangers shout out that they did it. I don't think that they need to (some people need to....I think the call to Christ is different for everyone). And I worry that then they'll start to feel "Hey, maybe I'm not really a Christian. I mean, I prayed that prayer, and I felt it in my heart.....but I just couldn't stand up and walk down there. Maybe this really isn't for me. I know lots of people will argue with me about it and say that standing up is the least someone can do.....but I'm thinking baby steps here. Some people need that.

I, for one, would never be able to do that. I mean, I was raised a Christian, so it's not like I need to accept Him...he's always been a part of my life. But I know there are other quiet, non-demonstrative people life me out there.

Soooooo.....how this whole sermon pertains to me. Well, the word "discouraged" came up about a zillion times. And I think if there's one word that can truly describe how I've been feeling lately that would be it. Very discouraged. In fact, if I hadn't had to rush off to the childcare room to get Celia (she got upset last week when mommies started arriving and she couldn't see hers, so I wanted to be early), I may have very well gone forward.....just to have someone else pray with me...which is something I rarely do. I'm talking once before in my whole life...while I was in the midst of awful, debilitating morning sickness. A very sweet woman held my head and prayed with me...in the teacher's break room at the school where I worked. And it did help....I went from laying there just unable to move from being so sick and not getting any nutrition for week to being able to drag my butt through the rest of my day....which is sometimes all you can ask for.

Also, for the past month or so when I've been distinctly miserable, as I pour out my heart to one of my closest friends, the theme of my argument has been, "I just need to face the facts that this is how it's just going to be. I need to become accustomed to the fact that this is how it's going to be forever and learn to live with it. I knew good and well that just because hubby became family oriented for a year before and a few years after the wedding that really he's a fickle work-a-holic, who becomes obsessed with one project after another. Everyone once in awhile I will be that obsession, but for the most part it's something else and he becomes completely emotionally (and occasionally proximally) distant and unavailable. The sooner I accept that fact and get on with my life, the better for us all."

She (my friend) is not the least bit happy with that argument. She always has a suggestion, some of them I'll try, some I'm just to discouraged to see the point of them and don't bother wasting time with. This is why I always say how strong she is, and how much faith she has....it's just always there. So I'm going to try this week...to not bog myself down with those "facts" and have faith that it will change and get better (even though I can't fathom how, when, or why).

And I'm going to tackle the sin thing. It's got to be anger....because I really did think and I really did examine myself, and that's all I can find. So that has to be it. The hard part it, most of it's in my head. I'm not walking around kicking people in the leg, flipping people off on the interstate, or screaming at cashiers. Most of it is just the constant, angry diatribe that plays over and over in my own head.....disguising itself as rationality. Just the past week I've really starting being short with the kids and not having patience, so that's one outward thing I can work on....but the rest is all inside. So how do you tell the thoughts in our own head to "SHUT UP"?

Hop on Pop

2007-04-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

Most wretched of days. Things are not going well on the home front.

I didn't sleep well last night. M*A*S*H came on last night and I thought, "Cool, my dad used to love this show! I remember watching it with him! It was funny!" Only last night the episode I chose to watch was not funny, but sad and disturbing (Episode 191: Dreams). I went to bed, slept little, and had freakish dreams when I did. First, jogging around downtown in just my bra. Second, strange, smiling children were at the door at night....worse yet I responded by barking, jumping, and growling at them like a mad dog, then would rip the door open to find no children there. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Then this morning I got to showcase my skills of crappy motherhood as I chased my out of control toddler around a church parking lot so Jordan could participate in a bike rodeo (bike safety). Said event culminated in us having to leave before he got to accept his rewards after Celia waked into a 6 inch deep mud bog before I could catch her (that fast little booger must have Olympic aspirations or something)...but not before I got to showcase my failure as a wife as well with my puffy eyes and snarky retorts on where Hubby was (Vegas) and what a shame it was I didn't go with him.

So basically, I suck as a mom, I suck as a wife. I have no real occupation right now (and the house is a perpetual mess) so I guess that makes me an all around loser.

Several good things to leave you with....

My peas a sprouting. Grow baby grow.

My father in law was here for awhile....we are going to lay some tile tomorrow. Yay for progress.

Lastly, a cute video of Celia "reading" Hop on Pop:

Neighbors...

2007-04-12T19:37:00.000-05:00

...can't live next to them, can't afford to move to my own private island.

Okay, so we've owned this house for 10 years and not had any real problems with neighbors until now, so I don't really have much to gripe about.

Oh, we've had some little problems...teenagers from across the street being too loud at night. I did have call the cops once on their little domestic showdown in the front yard at 2 AM, but they were sufficiently frightened and have straightened up since then.

Most of the other people on our street are elderly and very nice. They have their moments (blaming us for actions of all stray cats, simply because we have cats) but since they are usually pretty nice I overlook that. Plus they are old and I feel they've earned the right to be crabby.

We have new neighbors across the alley from our backyard. I mentioned them once before and I'm still not sure about them.

Tuesday the little boy came and knocked on the door, wanting to know if he could come in and play with Jordan. I sent him away as we're potty training Celia and she was running around buck naked at the time. Plus I was really crabby (surprise!) and didn't want another kid in the house.

Ten minutes later the doorbell rings again. I go to answer the door and find another little boy, standing on my porch in shorts and a t-shirt (it was less than 50 degrees out) and his hand in his pants.

That's right. He had his hand in his pants.

Not like way down in there digging around some perverted way or anything....but his fingers were completely covered by waistband.

Plus he was only about 10...I don't think he was a pervert.

So I opened the door and asked, "Can I help you?" (Doh! Why did I say THAT? I certainly don't want to help!)

He replies, "I came to talk to you about one of your sons. He was messin' with my dog."

I respond (straining myself to NOT look at the hand) "Well, I only have one son, and he's standing right there (Jordan was being nibby and just about falling over himself to see who was here). He's been in the house since he came home from school. I can assure you he wasn't messing with your dog."

We then proceeded to discuss the phantom boy in a yellow toboggan that his sister had seen messin' with the dog for several minutes. He was polite and apologetic, but the whole the his hand stayed IN HIS PANTS!

Anyway, I briefly considered that the first little boy may have been the culprit, even though he wasn't wearing a yellow hat. But since I'm not exactly sure what "messin' with my dog" entails, I didn't rat the little guy out.

I mean, he does seem like an okay kid. And these tho kids live right next to each other. The kid with the dog...well I know I don't like them as I heard his family swearing at each other with they moved in last month. And that freaking dog does bark ALL of the time. So "messin' with the dog" may have been nothing more than the first kid walking through his own yard, yelling at the dog to shut up.

I don't know, and I'm staying out of it.

So yesterday, we had guitar. In my rush to get Jordan, his guitar, my panty clad toddler, everyone's snack, my tea, purse, and pile of ECB into the car I didn't get the big door shut all the way (we have a storm door that was closed). This happens pretty frequently (shhh, I know, I know, I need to lock the door. I know. Stop lecturing me.)

Chris beat us home by just a few minutes and found the nice (but persistent and irritating) little boy on our porch. We spent quite a few minutes wondering whether the kid had wandered through the house looking for us.

I hope he didn't. But I will be locking the door now. Just in case, you know?

Anyway, our big triumph of the week....Celia is wearing panties!

She's going really well staying dry...but she is still scared to poop in the potty. So she gets up early in the morning to poop (she still sleeps in diapers) on the sly. Whatever, she's wearing panties all day now.

It's another one of those bittersweet milestones. That cute little diaper butt was about all the "baby" she had left in her. She is very verbal and talks like a child. She runs like a child. She's got pretty hair like a big girl (or Goldilocks, which is what she thinks). She's not my baby anymore. It's breaking my heart.

Sniffle Sniff.

2007-04-12T09:17:00.000-05:00

Well, I finally caught the cold that has been making it's rounds through everyone I know. I'm really hoping that it doesn't turn into some kind of antibiotic requiring infection. It's not looking good though as my ears are all stuffy and crackly. How ironic is that...I've never had an ear infection (to my knowledge) before this year. I already had a monsterous one in December....I'd rather not do it again.

Plus Chris leaves for Vegas tomorrow morning. Which means any visit to a doctor will likely come with chasing my toddler around the quick care center...as task that is quite likey to make me not go at all.

I have a ton of things I really ought to be doing today....but I'd much rather lay on the couch with my box of tissues and a book. I will probably guilt myself into getting moving shortly and working on the bathroom a little.

It doesn't help that even after my breakdown saturday night Chris really has only done the bare minimum around here. I told him that after the past 6 weeks I just don't know how I can get through one more week alone, that I'm completely overwhelmed, stressed out, and just over all miserable...and I was pretty much dismissed with a pat on the head and a half-hearted "Oh, you'll be fine" before he disappeared back to the void of our basement. Nothing like complete emotional detachment to prepare you for a week of being alone while your spouse lives it up in Vegas.

My therapist recommended that I plan something outside the house every day next week so I have a little adult interaction. I think I'm taking the kids to a bike rodeo on Saturday, and I think we should have a MOPS meeting thursday...so that's something.

I need to figure out a church to go to sunday morning....and now I need to figure out something for Wednesday night. I decided after last night debacle that we would now being going back to the old church.

There hasn't been a teacher for the boy's class for the past two weeks. Last night my friend took them and taught them....but she already is responsible for making sure there are volunteers for the little kid's rooms on sunday morning (more than half the time the schedule workers just don't show up). She's also had an increasing role on the praise team since Chris and I left....so now she didn't her her one chance to actually sit in church (with her husband, who also does much of the media stuff) for our marriage class. She's stressed out, and I'm stressed out for her. I mean, there's nothing I can do about it...I tried talking to the leadership when I was an active member and on the praise team and that didn't do any good....so it's certainly not going to do any good for me to say something now. Anyway, we left the church because it was sucking the life out of me. I can't keep going every week (because as I've mentioned before, the marriage class is doing crap for us when I'm the only one going to it) at watch it sucking the life from my best friend. She's a big girl (and a much stronger, more kind, and faithful woman than I) and will take care of it herself.

Anyway, Jordan is a little social glutton and loves being with a group of boys on wednesday night....so I feel like I have to find something to replace that with.

Celia has lost all patience with mommy typing away on the computer, so I'm going to go and let her climb, jump and waller all over me. I'll be back to rant about my neighbors ('cause that's the kind of mood I'm in today) and share out potty training success.

Infatuation

2007-04-11T10:39:00.000-05:00

Spring is in the air and love is floating around. We've all discovered new found love in some interesting places.

Celia has a serious ducky addiction. She's always loved her ducks, but at an Easter egg hunt this past weekend they hid some little ducks with eggs. She was perfectly content plucking brightly colored eggs in her basket, but once she saw those ducks it was all over. Her eyes got all big and she screamed "Duckies mama, duckies! All the duckies I could ever need! Duckies!" She abandoned all efforts at getting eggs and began scooping up ducks like there was no tomorrow. No other toddler even had a chance at getting a duck, she snatched them all up. In the effort of sharing, we did let everyone pick a duck from her baskets who didn't get one (we still brought home around 10-15 little Easter ducks).

Add those to our already fleet of ducks and you have a regular ducky army. The big ducks usually reside in the bathroom as we allow those in the tub...but the little ones roam the house at will. I don't let them in the tub because they don't drain well and get all nasty inside. The big ducks all have names like: Ivory, Magenta, Violet, Peachy (she's the favorite). You'll also see George in the back. George is an honorary duck. He's really a big blowfish that terrified her for the first two weeks of his existence (she dropped him and ran when she pulled him out of her stocking at her grandparents house and for two weeks demanded "Take him out the tub. He's scarin' my ducks"). She now loves him and treats him just like he's a duck.

Her second love is not necessarily a new love. She's always had a taste for chocolate. But since Easter she's discovered how great it is to sit with a small plastic egg of pastel M&Ms. This is Easter morning....yes, she's wearing several pairs of new panties over her pajamas. The bunny brought them and she was very eager to wear them.

Jordan is in love with his new iPod. If he had his way, he's listen to it all of the time. But mom won't let him take it to school, church, or during dinner. That does leave a lot extra listening time though!

My current new infatuation is CVS. I love that place. I bought some make-up last week, which totally does not work for me. I also accidentally threw away the receipt.

My favorite manager took it back, no problems at all. He was more than happy to do so. I would say that I've got a crush on him, but I honestly can't remember what the man looks like (I do remember he is normal looking, slightly attractive...I would remember a 3rd eye or snaggled teeth). What I do remember is any time I've had to deal with him he is so sweet, polite, accommodating, and basically gets me whatever I need. I don't really want to know him any more than that...because that's obviously a fallacy I'd like to keep intact.

So they took the make-up back, gave me some money. Which I re-invested in items that will give me more Extra Care Bucks. (I didn't actually pay for the make-up in the first place, I used some ECB from the last deal they had). Basically at the end of the month I will have 5 bottles of Listerine, 5 really cool looking Oral B Sonic toothbrushes, 5 Softsoap body washes, 5 tubes of Crest Natural Expessions toothpaste, some Aleve and Excedrin. None of it will cost me any money. (Most will get donated to charity or given away to friends, we have so much of this stuff already and things like toothpaste do expire. Let me know if you want some!). I'll also have a boatload of ECB to spend next month on whatever they are offering. Plus I always need to get a few extra things to get me up to the total ECB I have so I can shop around for other useless stuff (like Easter clearance). It's a total shopping high which costs me no money.

If you want to figure out how to get started on these ECB deals, e-mail me and I'll try to help. Better yet, visit the CVS forum at families.com. That's where I get all my information and the ladies there are amazing about finding deals and sharing them with the world!

Why we have a home security system....

2007-04-09T20:17:00.000-05:00

It's been requested that I share this story....because honestly...it is pretty funny. Now.

We own a very nice home security system. It's an anomaly really, in our quiet, safe little town. Lots of people around here still don't lock their doors. But we now have a very nifty home security system, complete with a motion detector that the cats can set off if the band together in some rambunctious kitty playtime.

About 4 years ago, my new husband woke me up in the middle of the night (again) asking me "Did you hear that? What's that noise". He does this at least twice a week, so I told him to leave me alone and go back to sleep.

He doesn't let up though. "Seriously, did you shut our bedroom door? Or turn off the light in the family room?"

Well now, I had to think about it.....because I did have a few brief sleepwalking episodes as a youth...but no, I was pretty sure I hadn't done any of that. Jordan has always been a little skittish in the dark, so we leave a light on in the family room for him. And we never sleep with the bedroom door shut.

So now I'm awake and Chris tells me to listen. Really listen. And sure enough, we heard some rustling. Which could be those stupid cats, but then we hear some drawers opening and shutting. Which is not the cats. (Even the one with the thumbs hasn't mastered opening drawers).

We go into panic mode. I tell Chris to dial 911 and I tiptoe/run through the family room to grab Jordan. He was amazingly well behaved through the whole event. I grabbed him and had him in our bed before he was hardly awake. We whispered to him "Don't make any noise...there's a bad guy in the house!" He burrowed under the covers and didn't make a peep.

Chris whispered to me that the operator was sending police. We can still hear noises coming from downstairs, so I grab the most dangerous thing we own (a Maglite!) and creep to the door at the top of the stairs. I slowly pull the door shut.....but no way am I letting go of that doorknob. I've got the doorknob in one hand and a Maglite hefted over my shoulder in the other. I'm also trying hard not to hyperventilate and praying harder than I ever have in my entire life.

Both boys are on the bed, peering at me. Chris is still on the phone with 911, but we hear the cops arrive and he hangs up (because that's what you do when help is here).

We can hear the police start shouting "Sir, do you live here? Stop where you are, put you hands where we can see them."

Then the unmistakable sounds of a struggle. Chris is freaking out and telling me to get back in the bedroom as he's going to barricade the door, but I'm just frozen there....me and my Maglite, holding the door at the top of the stairs shut.

I hiss at him to call 911 again, and he does....while dragging a dresser over and blocking himself and the boy in the bedroom. The operator informs him that she is sending backup.

Backup? That's not exactly what I want to hear!

Now we can't hear anything from downstairs. Just silence, forever.

Then footsteps on the stairs. Heavy footsteps. And panting.

So when I said I was hyperventilating and praying before....yeah...more of that again.

Eventually this person gets to the other side of my door. He knocks and calls out "Police, are you all okay? Open the door."

I (not so politely) respond "slide you ID under the door."

We then proceed to have an insane conversation that police are not allowed to carry ID, that I should really open the door for him, and I'm telling him that's not going to happen anytime soon.

Finally, this man (who does happen to be a cop) sighed and says "Ma'am, I took a shot of pepper spray to the face and I'm going to go outside and throw up now. I'll send someone else up to check on you and your family"

He does send up another very nice officer, and we creep out of our upstairs. We call Chris's parents, who are here in no time. None of us can be downstairs for any amount of time because just the pepper spray fumes from the officer's clothing make us cough and gag. They have us come out on the porch to see if we know the intruder (we do not) and I apologize to the poor officer who's just finished puking in the bushes. We find out later his arm was broken in the struggle (and most of the pins and badges from his uniform are lost forever under our porch).

The miscreant that they caught was just going out the back door when the police arrived. He had my son's backpack (homework included) slung over one shoulder and our bucket of spare change in the other arm. Into the backpack he had thrown an array of stuff including: social security cards, Chris's passport, Chris's wallet, power screwdriver, wrenches and other assorted tools, trumpet mouthpieces (?!?), and our video camera.

Turns out this guy is a registered sex offender. Before we woke up, he had been in our bedroom and most likely in our son's room. I really think that God kept our family safe that night....because we had the best possible outcome of a very scary situation.

So there you have it. Now when my husband wakes me up at night with his breathless "Did you hear that, What was that noise" I do at least give a little listen before I tell him to let me sleep.

The story is really much more funny if you have us tell it in person...because we're the crazy kind of couple that like to demonstrate much of the action. Invite us to your next party, we'll provide the entertainment.

Help Wanted!

2007-04-08T19:51:00.000-05:00

Well, I came to the shocking realization last night that Chris will be leaving THIS FRIDAY for Vegas. Just 5 short days from now.

I really thought I had more time...at least another week to try and recover from this marathon of work he's had going on recently.

But no, it's coming up amazingly fast...and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through it.

I know how silly that sounds...I mean, what's one more week. For the past 6 weeks his schedule has been crazy with projects and travel...so really, one more week shouldn't be that bad.

But it is. First off, I'm just incredibly run down and stressed out by this point. Second, he's all the way across the freakin' country this time. Third...well, it's Vegas and I kind of wanted to go. We say every year I'm going, but it never seems to work out that way, and this year that plan fell through the cracks again. Which isn't that big of a deal. One day out children will be grown and on their own and we'll have money to travel, so I'll go to Vegas then.

But I want a break now! Not necessarily a cushy vacation (though a week at the Bellagio sure would be nice) just a break.

So I've decided what I need to get me through the week is a companion. Not that kind of companion....get your mind out of the gutter!

I need a lady to come stay with me.....keep me company! Help me out around here!

Preferably a foreign lady with a cool accent. (I love accents, they just cheer me up so much). Not some scary German, Russian, or French accent...those are a little too intimidating. Someone with a light Spanish or British accent. Heck, I'd even settle for a Canadian or a southerner. But an accent is required.

She should be willing to help out with the house work. Not do it all of course, but we could talk and fold laundry....we could stand in the kitchen and I would cook, she would clean up (because while I love to cook, I do hate the clean up).

She should also be a little older and more knowledgeable than me so I won't have to take frequent computer breaks to Google all these things I don't know how to do (which is a trap. one quick search, a check of my e-mail, my site meter, message boards.....the Internet is a bottomless pit of time wasting!)

After I put the kids in bed we could watch a movie, maybe scrapbook a little...chat about stupid stuff.

She should enjoy tea, with cream. Just like me. That's really a kindred spirit thing......

She could bring a few books she loves with her and let me read them. I'm all out of new stuff. (I'm more than willing to share mine with her...)

Do you know anyone like that? Tell her I'm in the market for some good (free) help.